Black Rusted Van

I would love to drive a black rusted van that doesn't have any windows in the back, and has a mattress in the back instead. I would hide out in obscure camping grounds in the mountains and come into town every once in a while to pick up a run-away hitch hiker and bang her brains out while listening to Slayer on cassette tape. Fun would consist of eating beef jerky and drinking beer by an open fire, and pissing on all those annoying goddamned squirrels that get into the garbage cans and make a mess everywhere they go. I'd keep a loaded 9mm as a sidearm for the unsavory types that would threaten my person, as well as a 12 gauge handy. The 12 gauge would be for any bears that crept on me while I was taking a shit in the woods. Smokey the Bear won't bother me while I'm pinching off a loaf!

Ultimately my wish will be granted, and I will be able to get sleeve tattoos, grow my hair long, and live free on the open road. Fuck those goddamned corporate Yes Men with their flow charts and 10 dollar coffee. They wouldn't last a month out in the open and they know it. SUV's are over-priced pieces of shit anyways. They can kiss my ass!