Why I Hate Reality TV
Reality TV has become the essence of American culture. Nowhere else can someone so moronic, so idiotic, get paid to act like a dumbass, while a camera is shoved in their face the entire time. While this is nothing new, I want to believe it first started out in the late 80's/early 90's with television shows like "America's Most Wanted", "COPS" and "America's Home Videos" being shown to a live studio audience. It was harmless for the most part, and despite its innocence at the time, it was cultivating a garden of stupidity for shows like "The Ozbournes", "The Anna Nicole Show", and "Survivor" which would all become household names in this past decade.
The public, eager for more, went bonkers when You Tube helped stoke the fires of moronic morality, when suddenly EVERYONE could be a star! Andy Milonakis got his 15 minutes of fame by posting videos of himself (horribly) rapping and acting like an over all half-wit. Chris Crocker showed the world what a fucking wuss he truly is when he cried "Leave Brittney Alone" as Emo tears rolled down his mascara-caked face. Since then, there have been countless flash-in-the-pan trends on there....everything from sneezing baby pandas to fat kids pretending to be Luke Skywalker. Best of all has to be the videos where people are getting sebaceous cysts excised, or squeezing just really nasty zits.
Worst of all violators has been M-TV. They started out with these lame-ass, fucking retarded reality shows back in the early 90's...aimed primarily at college kids. Nevermind the fact that these shows in no way mirrored reality for 99% of the people watching at home, the corporate execs sold kids everywhere a complete load of horse shit by filming these weirdos in NYC, leading them to believe that their lives weren't anywhere near as complete, unless they were living up to these 'peers'. Shows like "The Real World" paved the way for countless idiotic also-rans like "M-TV Cribs", "Pimp my Ride", "Next" and "Jackass". The worst offenders have been "Jersey Shore", where a group of foul-mouthed pseudo-Italians are all cooped together, screaming at the top of the lungs in what is 5 feet of space. Other shows like "16 and Pregnant", and "Teen Mom" make me lose all hope in humanity. Not only is M-TV promoting under-age promiscuity, but they're reinforcing the idea that it's cool to be a dumb-ass.
So, in the spirit of M-TV's attempt to cater to the lowest common denominator, and throw decency out the window all together, they should come up with a show called "Fuck my Daughter", where parents screen applicants to have sex with their college-aged daughter. These would be middle-class to upper-class parents who live in posh surroundings, and have never worried a day in their lives where the money financing their lifestyles would be coming from. Mom is the stereotypical Trophy Wife souped up on Prozac and half a dozen other medications that she doesn't need, and dad is the bread winner CEO pulling in a 6 digit income, while breaking the backs of his employees. Their 19 or 20 year old daughter is a spoiled brat who got what she wanted all the time growing up - everything from My Little Pony when she was 5 year old to a nose job when she turned 18. Her life is one big Hannah Montana episode as far as she's concerned. Anycase, the parents would have to go through interviews with all sorts of low-lifes: gang-bangers, thugs, hoodlums, ex-cons, druggies, bikers and Satanists in order to choose one lucky guy who will brutalize Daddy's Little Princess however he sees fit. Any boyfriends she might have will get their ass kicked if they try to interfere, by said contestant. Cameras would be rolling non-stop, in order not to miss a beat, and everyone involved will have signed waivers that whatever happens, happens...pregnancy, herpes, AIDS, or shotgun wedding. Imagine the look on everyone's faces if that 230 pound bruiser named Puma decides that he wants to turn Miss Reality TV Star into his Bottom Bitch. M-TV, in their shameless attempt to corner the market in ratings, would probably buy in to a sales pitch like this, and make a quick buck off it. Why not.
When Reality TV finally crosses this line, I will kill my television once and for all. At the rate it's going, it shouldn't be that much longer.
Heh.
The public, eager for more, went bonkers when You Tube helped stoke the fires of moronic morality, when suddenly EVERYONE could be a star! Andy Milonakis got his 15 minutes of fame by posting videos of himself (horribly) rapping and acting like an over all half-wit. Chris Crocker showed the world what a fucking wuss he truly is when he cried "Leave Brittney Alone" as Emo tears rolled down his mascara-caked face. Since then, there have been countless flash-in-the-pan trends on there....everything from sneezing baby pandas to fat kids pretending to be Luke Skywalker. Best of all has to be the videos where people are getting sebaceous cysts excised, or squeezing just really nasty zits.
Worst of all violators has been M-TV. They started out with these lame-ass, fucking retarded reality shows back in the early 90's...aimed primarily at college kids. Nevermind the fact that these shows in no way mirrored reality for 99% of the people watching at home, the corporate execs sold kids everywhere a complete load of horse shit by filming these weirdos in NYC, leading them to believe that their lives weren't anywhere near as complete, unless they were living up to these 'peers'. Shows like "The Real World" paved the way for countless idiotic also-rans like "M-TV Cribs", "Pimp my Ride", "Next" and "Jackass". The worst offenders have been "Jersey Shore", where a group of foul-mouthed pseudo-Italians are all cooped together, screaming at the top of the lungs in what is 5 feet of space. Other shows like "16 and Pregnant", and "Teen Mom" make me lose all hope in humanity. Not only is M-TV promoting under-age promiscuity, but they're reinforcing the idea that it's cool to be a dumb-ass.
So, in the spirit of M-TV's attempt to cater to the lowest common denominator, and throw decency out the window all together, they should come up with a show called "Fuck my Daughter", where parents screen applicants to have sex with their college-aged daughter. These would be middle-class to upper-class parents who live in posh surroundings, and have never worried a day in their lives where the money financing their lifestyles would be coming from. Mom is the stereotypical Trophy Wife souped up on Prozac and half a dozen other medications that she doesn't need, and dad is the bread winner CEO pulling in a 6 digit income, while breaking the backs of his employees. Their 19 or 20 year old daughter is a spoiled brat who got what she wanted all the time growing up - everything from My Little Pony when she was 5 year old to a nose job when she turned 18. Her life is one big Hannah Montana episode as far as she's concerned. Anycase, the parents would have to go through interviews with all sorts of low-lifes: gang-bangers, thugs, hoodlums, ex-cons, druggies, bikers and Satanists in order to choose one lucky guy who will brutalize Daddy's Little Princess however he sees fit. Any boyfriends she might have will get their ass kicked if they try to interfere, by said contestant. Cameras would be rolling non-stop, in order not to miss a beat, and everyone involved will have signed waivers that whatever happens, happens...pregnancy, herpes, AIDS, or shotgun wedding. Imagine the look on everyone's faces if that 230 pound bruiser named Puma decides that he wants to turn Miss Reality TV Star into his Bottom Bitch. M-TV, in their shameless attempt to corner the market in ratings, would probably buy in to a sales pitch like this, and make a quick buck off it. Why not.
When Reality TV finally crosses this line, I will kill my television once and for all. At the rate it's going, it shouldn't be that much longer.
Heh.
posted by Machine at 1:12 AM
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