Prison Blogs
So do prison inmates ever get to blog?
Keep a live journal for all to read?
For example: "Today I knocked the shit outta that Messican asshole that's been talking shit about my mom all week. Tiny was his name. Some fat fuck he was. When his Essay's weren't looking, I clocked that fucker in the mouth so hard he was spitting blood and teeth for 5 minutes. He fell like a ton of bricks and started crying like a little bitch. Maybe now the little shit will shut the fuck up unless he means it. That asshole warden knocked the shit outta me with his baton before dragging me into solitary. Those fucking things hurt.
Gonna fuck the old lady this weekend on the conjugal visit. Fucking slut. I know she's fucking the guy across the street while I'm in this shit hole. She comes less and less to see me. Her bullshit excuse is she doesn't want the kids to see their dad this way. She lies. She sucks that greaseball's cock every night while I'm in here rotting away, and then has the nerve to want to kiss me after we get done fucking. I'm going to find that worthless shit when I get outta here on parole and knock his teeth in too.
Talking to the prison guard, I think he can arrange it to where I can score some drugs this weekend. I just need to do him a "favor". Apparently his boss the warden is more of a prick to him than he is to us inmates, and needs someone to teach him a lesson. I can talk with Juggernaut and see if he'll agree to it. He's a Lifer and is in for First Degree Murder, and is eager to use the new shiv he made. We'll set something up tomorrow night, right after dinner. Security is the least then."
Of course what I've written is just the over-active imagination of yours truly, but could you imagine the ratings these things could generate if the corporations sponsored certain inmates? I could see it now:
Richie-Bitch CEO: "Oh thay Puma - how would you like to be paid $75,000 upon your releath from thisth prison with all these big mean brutesth if you were to keep an on-line blog and sthar in our weekly reality TV theries? The more mean and scary you are, the higher the ratings will be! Of courthe, a thertain segment of the viewersth would want to hear about those awful shower sthories that take place, IN GREAT DETAIL ~ ! And if you behave REAL NAUGHTY, we throw in an extra $25,000 during the sthweeps week and sthteal that 10 share on the Nielssen ratings! Then there are the royalties that come after you've been released. Guest appearance on Oprah and Sthally, as well as the book deal commemorating your sthay in Carnate Island Correctional Facility. We're talking big time sthales! Okay honey? Trevor, the errand-boy, is working thomething out with that thilly warden so we can set up the cameras and sthart filming right away. What do you thay?"
Puma: "Shit. Hook a brutha up."
In the mad-grab for TV ratings, I can see this becoming the new sensation in only a matter of time. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but in time people will hunger for blood just like the Romans did so many centuries ago. Networks like CBS, ABC, and NBC will have a team of serpent-tongued lawyers that will twist the laws around to their favor and make this permissible, and in turn will attempt to out-do one another for shock value.
Jeezus. I seriously need a life.
Keep a live journal for all to read?
For example: "Today I knocked the shit outta that Messican asshole that's been talking shit about my mom all week. Tiny was his name. Some fat fuck he was. When his Essay's weren't looking, I clocked that fucker in the mouth so hard he was spitting blood and teeth for 5 minutes. He fell like a ton of bricks and started crying like a little bitch. Maybe now the little shit will shut the fuck up unless he means it. That asshole warden knocked the shit outta me with his baton before dragging me into solitary. Those fucking things hurt.
Gonna fuck the old lady this weekend on the conjugal visit. Fucking slut. I know she's fucking the guy across the street while I'm in this shit hole. She comes less and less to see me. Her bullshit excuse is she doesn't want the kids to see their dad this way. She lies. She sucks that greaseball's cock every night while I'm in here rotting away, and then has the nerve to want to kiss me after we get done fucking. I'm going to find that worthless shit when I get outta here on parole and knock his teeth in too.
Talking to the prison guard, I think he can arrange it to where I can score some drugs this weekend. I just need to do him a "favor". Apparently his boss the warden is more of a prick to him than he is to us inmates, and needs someone to teach him a lesson. I can talk with Juggernaut and see if he'll agree to it. He's a Lifer and is in for First Degree Murder, and is eager to use the new shiv he made. We'll set something up tomorrow night, right after dinner. Security is the least then."
Of course what I've written is just the over-active imagination of yours truly, but could you imagine the ratings these things could generate if the corporations sponsored certain inmates? I could see it now:
Richie-Bitch CEO: "Oh thay Puma - how would you like to be paid $75,000 upon your releath from thisth prison with all these big mean brutesth if you were to keep an on-line blog and sthar in our weekly reality TV theries? The more mean and scary you are, the higher the ratings will be! Of courthe, a thertain segment of the viewersth would want to hear about those awful shower sthories that take place, IN GREAT DETAIL ~ ! And if you behave REAL NAUGHTY, we throw in an extra $25,000 during the sthweeps week and sthteal that 10 share on the Nielssen ratings! Then there are the royalties that come after you've been released. Guest appearance on Oprah and Sthally, as well as the book deal commemorating your sthay in Carnate Island Correctional Facility. We're talking big time sthales! Okay honey? Trevor, the errand-boy, is working thomething out with that thilly warden so we can set up the cameras and sthart filming right away. What do you thay?"
Puma: "Shit. Hook a brutha up."
In the mad-grab for TV ratings, I can see this becoming the new sensation in only a matter of time. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but in time people will hunger for blood just like the Romans did so many centuries ago. Networks like CBS, ABC, and NBC will have a team of serpent-tongued lawyers that will twist the laws around to their favor and make this permissible, and in turn will attempt to out-do one another for shock value.
Jeezus. I seriously need a life.
posted by Machine at 10:08 AM
2 Comments:
hahahhaha you are funny. May I link you on my blog or are you trying to keep this a secret?
Sure. Just hide the women and children first.
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