Chair-Force Weekend
Okay. Like I mentioned previously, I had a JoeTheFat weekend when I was at Misawa with Dan and Shanna. I had blogged the entire incident when the assholes at JENS (the ISP at Misawa) had their servers go down, losing everything I had written in the blink of an eye. On top of that, the fuck-tard receptionist wouldn't reimburse me for all that time lost. Fucker.
So here's the best of my memory from what happened. Crazy Girl, this one's for you.
For starters, this is Dan and Shanna. He's the same dude that's getting kicked out of the Air Force for filing an IG complaint against his OIC for a bullshit EPR that was written on him, and she's the chick that's put up with his shit for the past 3+ years. They have their good points as well as their bad points but that's pretty much how any relationship works out.
It's Saturday night and we're all wanting to go out. Originally it was going to be Friday but everyone was tired and I had been fighting off a cold all week, and rest is what I needed the most. Feeling better after having rested, I was eager to go out and have fun.
So we all first hit the Enlisted Club at Misawa. Between choosing the Booty Rap room, the Cowboy room, and the rock/alternative room, we all chose the third and started drinking up. Dan knew the DJ and said he was a pretty cool dude so I went up to talk with him. He seemed cool at first but then when his music selection started sounding like SHIT, he started getting all whiny and defensive. He played Tribute by Tenacious D, and then half-way cut the song off for some gay shit by RadioHead. The best way to kill any good evening quickly is to play whiny, depressive music just as people are coming in to party. I mean, who the fuck wants to listen how "Fucking Special" someone is just as Happy Hour is about to begin?
I told the dude to get his shit together and play some Ozzy or something else that kicked ass. The fucker didn't even have that. No Sabbath, no Tool, not even some fucking Black Label Society. He sucked hairy goat balls in the worst kind of way.
About this time, some of Shanna's girlfriends started showing up. Megan, this little hottie I hadn't seen in over a year's time heard I've been stuck in Korea for the past 10 months and wondered whether I knew some fat-fuck asshole up at Osan that resembled a child-molester and told her basically to go fuck herself - I don't associate with those kinds of people. She didn't take kindly to that but then again I don't take kindly to people that resemble John Wayne Gacy either. Call it a touchy subject but any remote chances of me scoring with Megan had been automatically quashed for the rest of the night.
Some of the other Med Group bitches started showing up as well - they essentially hadn't changed a bit either and were stuck on themselves and how many guys they could scam free drinks from. I really didn't feel like talking to them too much and chilled out until Shanna decided it was time to leave and head off base.
And that's where the story really begins.
Welcome to Forever's II.
The original Forever's was just right outside the front gate, but it was torn down in order to make way for a mini-mall the Japanese are deciding to build for the American populace there. So Karu, the owner, packed it up and relocated just right across the street from a fave restaurant of mine, Ramtei. This place is remarkably smaller than the original bar and has the tacky wood-grain finish on all the furniture. Both Karu and the regulars got fucked out of this deal big time.
By now Dan is hella shitty and by now I'm feeling the urge to get something to eat. So I head over to the ToriMasa aka the Drunken Noodle for some Yakisoba and some cheese rolls.
Ah yes, The Drunken Noodle.
I've spent many a weekends fighting off hang-overs with their food and discovered them by accident the first weekend I arrived Japan. Some Navy dude that worked for AFN was getting shit-faced and mentioned the place to me, and took it up on a whim. What a kick-ass restaurant! Sad to say, the Drunken Noodle is going to get torn down as well for the Mini-Mall and hate to see it go.
I ordered some Yaki and some cheese roll and washed it down with a Coke. By this time I was starting to seriously sober up.
Fucking awesome.
I returned to Forever's II and see that Dan is out of his mind. He's had waaay too much to drink and Shanna wants to go home now. I tell them both I've had a good time but I'd like to turn in early also. We start walking back to main gate when they both start arguing over why he wants to stay out and why she wants him to call it a night.
"You're married Dan, and you can't stay out until 6am like you could when you were single!" Shanna said.
"Babe, I'm just getting started! I'm having a good time and I don't want the night to end just yet!" he said defensively.
Everything from her fears of single women picking him up and fucking him to him going to a nearby massage parlor and getting a $250 hand-job from the massage girl all surfaced within the scope of 5 minutes. While I'm not the brightest light bulb out there, I do know to stay out of domestic disputes when they occur.
"How about we all go to the Drunken Noodle and get something to eat?" I suggested. I figured if Dan got some food in him be would start to chill out some, and they both agreed to tag along.
By this time roughly an hour or so had passed since I had eaten and a bunch of hot Japanese chicks were in the Drunken Noodle.
Ah ha. Showtime!
I started to flirt with some of them and threw out what Japanese I remembered from taking the 101 course through University of Maryland along time ago, and it started to pay off --UNTIL-- Dan decided to be a complete and total twat and run back to Forever's to go drink some more.
Shanna starts crying and I tell her how we'll go back for the dude. I don't get involved with domestic disputes, but I don't ditch friends either, especially when they're shit-faced and anything can happen.
So we pack it up and go back for Dan's retarded ass. Damn. And to think I was going to finally get some O-manko! Japa-hoes, wait for me! I'll fulfill your every bukkake dream and fetish you have! Just please wait for me until I get numb-nuts and his wife home safely!
We find Dan once more and he's chugging a beer at the table with friends, having a good old time. Shanna grabs his ass and once again we head back to main gate. He drops the beer mug, shattering it into pieces on the concrete and once more another argument breaks out.
By this time it's decided we'll take a taxi back to their house. It's 2am and the night isn't getting any better. I apologize to the Japanese cab driver as they bicker all the way home and even tip the guy 300 Yen for having to tolerate all of this. By now, the gloves are off and Dan's pissed he can no longer have fun.
"This is complete bullshit! I want to go back out! I'm a MAN and I demand to be treated like one!"
He starts pulling some macho bullshit act how he pays the bills and should be able to do anything he wants. He goes from that routine to saying how he just wants to go for a walk outside and wants his car keys before leaving.
"Bro, why do you need your keys? We'll still be here and won't lock the door on you." I told him.
He gets all defensive and tells me how I have no right to be getting involved in any of this, to which I tell him I'm just asking him a simple question and by no means am I telling him he can or can't do anything.
He continues on his drunken rant how he pays the bills, how he hasn't done anything illegal and then decides to throw rank into the picture. My rank.
"Dude, what the fuck are you talking about, and WHY are you pulling the rank card on my ass? You know as well as I do, I NEVER throw rank around so why are you being a complete asshole?"
He threatens to throw me and my shit out for the night and by now it's raining outside. He then starts to verbally attack me saying how I've always taken Shanna's side in the past and how much he fucking hates that, to which I tell him to knock the shit off since I've been a better friend to him in the long run than alot of people have, especially with the fact I went up to bat for him over the whole Discharge thing. He realizes what a complete asshole he's making himself look like and decides to call it a night. I just start laughing at how stupid the entire event was but at the same time get pissed that my chance to score with the Japa-hoes has been shot down by his somantics. So Crazy Girl, you're not alone.
And I really wanted to get laid that night too!
So here's the best of my memory from what happened. Crazy Girl, this one's for you.
For starters, this is Dan and Shanna. He's the same dude that's getting kicked out of the Air Force for filing an IG complaint against his OIC for a bullshit EPR that was written on him, and she's the chick that's put up with his shit for the past 3+ years. They have their good points as well as their bad points but that's pretty much how any relationship works out.
It's Saturday night and we're all wanting to go out. Originally it was going to be Friday but everyone was tired and I had been fighting off a cold all week, and rest is what I needed the most. Feeling better after having rested, I was eager to go out and have fun.
So we all first hit the Enlisted Club at Misawa. Between choosing the Booty Rap room, the Cowboy room, and the rock/alternative room, we all chose the third and started drinking up. Dan knew the DJ and said he was a pretty cool dude so I went up to talk with him. He seemed cool at first but then when his music selection started sounding like SHIT, he started getting all whiny and defensive. He played Tribute by Tenacious D, and then half-way cut the song off for some gay shit by RadioHead. The best way to kill any good evening quickly is to play whiny, depressive music just as people are coming in to party. I mean, who the fuck wants to listen how "Fucking Special" someone is just as Happy Hour is about to begin?
I told the dude to get his shit together and play some Ozzy or something else that kicked ass. The fucker didn't even have that. No Sabbath, no Tool, not even some fucking Black Label Society. He sucked hairy goat balls in the worst kind of way.
About this time, some of Shanna's girlfriends started showing up. Megan, this little hottie I hadn't seen in over a year's time heard I've been stuck in Korea for the past 10 months and wondered whether I knew some fat-fuck asshole up at Osan that resembled a child-molester and told her basically to go fuck herself - I don't associate with those kinds of people. She didn't take kindly to that but then again I don't take kindly to people that resemble John Wayne Gacy either. Call it a touchy subject but any remote chances of me scoring with Megan had been automatically quashed for the rest of the night.
Some of the other Med Group bitches started showing up as well - they essentially hadn't changed a bit either and were stuck on themselves and how many guys they could scam free drinks from. I really didn't feel like talking to them too much and chilled out until Shanna decided it was time to leave and head off base.
And that's where the story really begins.
Welcome to Forever's II.
The original Forever's was just right outside the front gate, but it was torn down in order to make way for a mini-mall the Japanese are deciding to build for the American populace there. So Karu, the owner, packed it up and relocated just right across the street from a fave restaurant of mine, Ramtei. This place is remarkably smaller than the original bar and has the tacky wood-grain finish on all the furniture. Both Karu and the regulars got fucked out of this deal big time.
By now Dan is hella shitty and by now I'm feeling the urge to get something to eat. So I head over to the ToriMasa aka the Drunken Noodle for some Yakisoba and some cheese rolls.
Ah yes, The Drunken Noodle.
I've spent many a weekends fighting off hang-overs with their food and discovered them by accident the first weekend I arrived Japan. Some Navy dude that worked for AFN was getting shit-faced and mentioned the place to me, and took it up on a whim. What a kick-ass restaurant! Sad to say, the Drunken Noodle is going to get torn down as well for the Mini-Mall and hate to see it go.
I ordered some Yaki and some cheese roll and washed it down with a Coke. By this time I was starting to seriously sober up.
Fucking awesome.
I returned to Forever's II and see that Dan is out of his mind. He's had waaay too much to drink and Shanna wants to go home now. I tell them both I've had a good time but I'd like to turn in early also. We start walking back to main gate when they both start arguing over why he wants to stay out and why she wants him to call it a night.
"You're married Dan, and you can't stay out until 6am like you could when you were single!" Shanna said.
"Babe, I'm just getting started! I'm having a good time and I don't want the night to end just yet!" he said defensively.
Everything from her fears of single women picking him up and fucking him to him going to a nearby massage parlor and getting a $250 hand-job from the massage girl all surfaced within the scope of 5 minutes. While I'm not the brightest light bulb out there, I do know to stay out of domestic disputes when they occur.
"How about we all go to the Drunken Noodle and get something to eat?" I suggested. I figured if Dan got some food in him be would start to chill out some, and they both agreed to tag along.
By this time roughly an hour or so had passed since I had eaten and a bunch of hot Japanese chicks were in the Drunken Noodle.
Ah ha. Showtime!
I started to flirt with some of them and threw out what Japanese I remembered from taking the 101 course through University of Maryland along time ago, and it started to pay off --UNTIL-- Dan decided to be a complete and total twat and run back to Forever's to go drink some more.
Shanna starts crying and I tell her how we'll go back for the dude. I don't get involved with domestic disputes, but I don't ditch friends either, especially when they're shit-faced and anything can happen.
So we pack it up and go back for Dan's retarded ass. Damn. And to think I was going to finally get some O-manko! Japa-hoes, wait for me! I'll fulfill your every bukkake dream and fetish you have! Just please wait for me until I get numb-nuts and his wife home safely!
We find Dan once more and he's chugging a beer at the table with friends, having a good old time. Shanna grabs his ass and once again we head back to main gate. He drops the beer mug, shattering it into pieces on the concrete and once more another argument breaks out.
By this time it's decided we'll take a taxi back to their house. It's 2am and the night isn't getting any better. I apologize to the Japanese cab driver as they bicker all the way home and even tip the guy 300 Yen for having to tolerate all of this. By now, the gloves are off and Dan's pissed he can no longer have fun.
"This is complete bullshit! I want to go back out! I'm a MAN and I demand to be treated like one!"
He starts pulling some macho bullshit act how he pays the bills and should be able to do anything he wants. He goes from that routine to saying how he just wants to go for a walk outside and wants his car keys before leaving.
"Bro, why do you need your keys? We'll still be here and won't lock the door on you." I told him.
He gets all defensive and tells me how I have no right to be getting involved in any of this, to which I tell him I'm just asking him a simple question and by no means am I telling him he can or can't do anything.
He continues on his drunken rant how he pays the bills, how he hasn't done anything illegal and then decides to throw rank into the picture. My rank.
"Dude, what the fuck are you talking about, and WHY are you pulling the rank card on my ass? You know as well as I do, I NEVER throw rank around so why are you being a complete asshole?"
He threatens to throw me and my shit out for the night and by now it's raining outside. He then starts to verbally attack me saying how I've always taken Shanna's side in the past and how much he fucking hates that, to which I tell him to knock the shit off since I've been a better friend to him in the long run than alot of people have, especially with the fact I went up to bat for him over the whole Discharge thing. He realizes what a complete asshole he's making himself look like and decides to call it a night. I just start laughing at how stupid the entire event was but at the same time get pissed that my chance to score with the Japa-hoes has been shot down by his somantics. So Crazy Girl, you're not alone.
And I really wanted to get laid that night too!
posted by Machine at 5:08 AM
2 Comments:
Haha. I thought for sure when you mentioned the "taking of the car keys" that there would be some story following about getting arrested! I am glad it wasn't as crazy as my run-in with the taking of the car keys!!!!
Nah but watching Dan and Shanna play "Where are the car keys" for 10 minutes was humorous enough. At one point the fucker actually thought I had them.
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