RIP Ozzy

 

RIP Ozzy Osbourne. 

Too bad you didn't die on the shitter like all the greats do, or from some sexually transmitted disease. Dying on the toilet would definitely be the REAL "Crazy Train", at least in my book.

I honestly thought you would outlive Keith Richards, or at least be neck-and-neck with him like Betty White was.

I saw Black Sabbath in Frankfurt back in December 2013. I had bought 2 tickets for myself and my girlfriend at the time, only she bailed on me because she was going to break up with me a week later (unbeknownst to me at the time), and was in the process of distancing herself from me emotionally. Her loss, because it was the most fucking awesome concert ever. After all, it was Ozzy! I think Mastodon opened for them, but I don't honestly remember - or care - since any band opening for Black Sabbath can't compete (unless it's AC/DC then okay). All I remember is that they opened with War Pigs and ended with Fairies Wear Boots that had some half-naked chick dressed up as a fairy on the screen, with her titties showing. It was the most awesome night.

So now Hell has gained its top servant. You can't tell me that with all of the demonic imagery on his albums, Ozzfest artwork, and songs like Mr Crowley, that he wasn't in league with the forces of darkness. I mean, the man bit the head off a fucking bat and even the head off a dove. Even Alice Cooper didn't go that far, he only pretended to decapitate himself on stage using a mannequin double. More so gore, and not so much occult imagery.

Ozzy's influence on music can't be denied. There would be no Type O Negative without Black Sabbath, and Peter Steele even admitted that before he died. Just listen to any of their albums and you can hear it. Rob Zombie even once said that everything in heavy metal was first done all by Black Sabbath, and you're either speeding it up, slowing it down, or just changing the chords around. That's pretty daring for someone of his talent to claim, and I believe him. 

Let's not forget that Ozzy had a few close calls before, which gave everyone a scare, especially that time he was riding an ATV which overturned and broke some of his ribs. Everyone was concerned that he would no longer be able to sing, since the injury impacted his lungs. Thankfully, he recovered enough to where it didn't prevent him from doing what he loved the most - and that was banging his hairdresser! Yeah, I didn't forget about that either!

Still, as awesome as Ozzy was, it was his wife Sharon that kept him on top, and let's not forget about that. She stuck with him through thick and thin, even through all his infidelities. It may have been love at first, but towards the end, it was because she wasn't going to let go of her cash cow. Would you? Absolutely not. She's one smart cookie and a shrewd business woman, and hell, if she's interested in turning me into the next hottest commodity, I wouldn't say no. Without Sharon, Ozzy would've died alone somewhere in some cheap motel room, cluttered with empty vodka bottles and pizza boxes.

Ozzy was no saint, but the man was personable. As flawed as he was, he didn't try hiding it by pretending to be larger than life, or somehow above everyone. You saw how down to earth he was in The Osbournes, as well as in all the interviews he gave. He was a genuine person who didn't let the fame go to his head. I'll always remember him like this, more so than who he was on stage.

RIP Ozzy, you will be missed. Thanks for the music. You're probably pissing on the Alamo in Hell right about now. 

Heh.