Star Wars comes to Korea
Okay. Like some moaning fag was complaining to me the other day how he didn't appreciate the fact I was bashing Star Wars fans and their fascination with Science-Fiction.
Well fuck you! You have inadvertently poured more fuel on the fire and this is what you get in return. Next time leave well enough alone.
I make it back to Korea last Thursday, courtesy of hopping via C-5 Galaxy from Yokota, around 6pm or so in the evening. The first thing I noticed was overhearing some Passenger Terminal dork talk about how Star Wars III is showing on base tonight for the very first time and how both the 6pm and the 9pm shows have been sold completely out. As he rattles on how cool it would be to be the first in line had he not had to be at work, some old retiree guy starts to heckle him and his nerd fans for going to such extremes over a fucking movie.
"You kids are fucking weird!" he exclaimed.
Old people annoy me in general and I try to avoid them, pretty much the way I try to avoid most people in general, but for once this dude proved that not all old farts are completely off their rocker. To watch some geezer rip into a Sci-Fi nerd is like watching Christians being thrown to the lions for sport - extremely entertaining. I can understand standing hours in line for a concert or hours in line to meet some famous political figure, but not for some goddamned movie you can get the bootleg off-base for $10 bucks - and yes, the Koreans already have illicit copies on DVD for sale - not that I would condone such a thing.
No sooner did we clear Customs and Immigrations did I make a bee-line out the door to get a taxi. I wanted to find a hotel room for the night and get a much needed shower. I throw my shit in a rental locker, save for some toiletries and a change of clothes in my backpack and hit the road. As I walk to the taxi stand, I see these fuckers already waiting in line.
Ha ha - FAGS.
I screamed something out loud to them about getting a life and moved on.
No sooner did I get checked into my hotel room did the little demon in my head suggest it would be great for me to go back on base and see how many losers are going to be waiting in line to see the show. Certainly there can't be TOO MANY geeks that would stand hours on end waiting for the premiere showing of some stupid film all the way in Butt-Fuck Korea, right?
WRONG
By this time it was 8:30 at night and the line had grown immeasurably.
Holy shit! This thing serpentined AROUND itself completely before turning around the corner and going down the sidewalk on the other side. I knew the majority of Air Force people were losers with no real lives outside of the military (myself included), but this really took the fucking cake! I mean Jeezus Fucking Christ people! Look at this shit! It's uncalled for! I start snapping photos like a mad-man and tell people how I'm going to insult them on this blog. A few actually found that idea to be amusing.
And there was even some retard dressed up like a goddamned Storm Trooper too! This asshole probably threw away a sizable chunk of change for the gay outfit, just so he could parade around in public like some fruit-loop and get some attention. Still, I suppose he does have the balls to wear something so lame like this in public, he does deserve an ounce of respect in that sense - NAAAAAAAAHH! Who am I kidding? Throw some Vulcan ears on the dork, or some Klingon prosthetic forehead instead of a shitty Empire outfit, and it's all the same disease either way.
For shits and grins I decide to go see what the end of the line looked like. This was it. A blonde chick with a fat ass. Fitting, I suppose.
Just a side note, why izzit that the majority of Sci-Fi nerds have weight problems? Primarily the goddamned Trekkies but some of the Star Wars geeks too. It's something I just don't understand. And why izzit they all have poor hygiene to match? Nevermind. Back to the topic at hand.
Next thing I know, the line starts moving. Fast. Holy shit! People are actually going to see the film! Once again, I figured I would test my luck and see how far I actually got in the line before they said the theater was full. Some flyboys decided to cut in line with their Beautiful People friends and their Beautiful People wives, equating their piloting abilities to line-jumping privileges as well. One chick that was with her WASP pilot boyfriend/husband actually looked pretty hot. Take Jackie O and Natalie Portman and slam them together, and this is what she looked like. Sounds totally fucking weird but believe me, I woulda banged her 9 ways from Sunday even though she was flat as a board and Paris Hilton-skinny. I tried taking a pic of her too but I could never get a decent shot.
The line continued to serpentine around the sidewalk until I made it to the manager dude that was checking tickets. Because I didn't have a ticket that had been purchased in advance, I couldn't go in. Oh well I figured it was worth a shot anyways, but then the dude tells me to wait just a second and he would sell me one anyways. Okay. This should be interesting. No sooner than 5 minutes pass and I'm in like Flynn.
I make my way into the theater and the place is PACKED. I was out of memory on my camera by now so I couldn't take any more photos, otherwise I would include it here. I managed to find an open seat up in the front. Not too close but just right. The Fag-Trooper is sitting 4 rows behind me it turns out and the Jackie O/Natalie Portman chick is sitting right behind me with her WASP aviator for bragging rights. She gives me this "Go to Hell" look the way most Beautiful People chicks do when they see me undressing them with my eyes. Can I help it if I'm staring at her tits?
Some high school nerds are sitting adjacent from me too - only they're the wanna-be goth chicks that are equal parts wigger and equal parts punk, and can't make up their minds which trend to follow. Now as much as I bag on Air Force people for not having personalities, I feel somewhat sorry for the teen-agers of military parents. I mean, it sucks bad enough being a teen, and then you have your parents' bullshit to contend with usually - however as a military teen they take it one step further and you have the whole military environment to contend with. You really can't rebel or experiement with social trends since you're expected to conform to the same bullshit mindset your parents are forced to. Even something so benign as having multiple piercings in the same ear is considered "extreme" by military standards. See what I mean?
Anycase they're dorking out as well and have brought fucking light sabers with them as well. I suppose Star Wars nerds start at any age. The movie finally starts and people start screaming and cheering at the opening title. While I'm not going to spoil the movie for people who haven't seen it, I will say that watching the dude become Darth Vader was truly liberating and a kick-ass thing to see. For once, the Bad Guys win!!! Yay Evil!!!!
After the film ended, everyone was talking how better it was over the first 2 films. Frankly I could've cared less. The way I figured it, Natalie Portman was in all 3 films and gave me some serious wood. The films could've revolved around her drinking coffee and reading femin-nazi lesbian poetry and I wouldn't have noticed either way. I hope that now that she's done making these kid films, she'll take her career more seriously and do something more provacative in nature like 9 1/2 Weeks or Wild Things.
Like I've said previously, I'm not one to run out and buy all sorts of movie-related merchandise, no matter how good a film may be. I'll buy a shit load of rock shirts because that's how the artists make money in addition to touring since record companies usually give them 3 cents to the album sold, and what they're doing actually requires talent, instead of standing before a camera and having the script girl feed you your line if you forget it.
No matter how cool a film may be with its special effects or over-the-top action adventures, it still pales in comparison to seeing a band like Slayer or Deicide perform on stage in front of screaming fans. I've gotten laid as a result of going to concerts, but NEVER from attending a sci-fi film or Anime convention. People that usually attend concerts are cool and lead interesting lives, whereas all fan-boys do is sit around and watch Deep Space Nine re-runs while debating similarities between video games like Halo or Half-Life 2. Sure they may pull in $40-50k a year easy but see how long they would last at a Dimmu Borgir concert!
Besides, when's the last time you got to shake Luke Skywalker's hand after a movie?
Well fuck you! You have inadvertently poured more fuel on the fire and this is what you get in return. Next time leave well enough alone.
I make it back to Korea last Thursday, courtesy of hopping via C-5 Galaxy from Yokota, around 6pm or so in the evening. The first thing I noticed was overhearing some Passenger Terminal dork talk about how Star Wars III is showing on base tonight for the very first time and how both the 6pm and the 9pm shows have been sold completely out. As he rattles on how cool it would be to be the first in line had he not had to be at work, some old retiree guy starts to heckle him and his nerd fans for going to such extremes over a fucking movie.
"You kids are fucking weird!" he exclaimed.
Old people annoy me in general and I try to avoid them, pretty much the way I try to avoid most people in general, but for once this dude proved that not all old farts are completely off their rocker. To watch some geezer rip into a Sci-Fi nerd is like watching Christians being thrown to the lions for sport - extremely entertaining. I can understand standing hours in line for a concert or hours in line to meet some famous political figure, but not for some goddamned movie you can get the bootleg off-base for $10 bucks - and yes, the Koreans already have illicit copies on DVD for sale - not that I would condone such a thing.
No sooner did we clear Customs and Immigrations did I make a bee-line out the door to get a taxi. I wanted to find a hotel room for the night and get a much needed shower. I throw my shit in a rental locker, save for some toiletries and a change of clothes in my backpack and hit the road. As I walk to the taxi stand, I see these fuckers already waiting in line.
Ha ha - FAGS.
I screamed something out loud to them about getting a life and moved on.
No sooner did I get checked into my hotel room did the little demon in my head suggest it would be great for me to go back on base and see how many losers are going to be waiting in line to see the show. Certainly there can't be TOO MANY geeks that would stand hours on end waiting for the premiere showing of some stupid film all the way in Butt-Fuck Korea, right?
WRONG
By this time it was 8:30 at night and the line had grown immeasurably.
Holy shit! This thing serpentined AROUND itself completely before turning around the corner and going down the sidewalk on the other side. I knew the majority of Air Force people were losers with no real lives outside of the military (myself included), but this really took the fucking cake! I mean Jeezus Fucking Christ people! Look at this shit! It's uncalled for! I start snapping photos like a mad-man and tell people how I'm going to insult them on this blog. A few actually found that idea to be amusing.
And there was even some retard dressed up like a goddamned Storm Trooper too! This asshole probably threw away a sizable chunk of change for the gay outfit, just so he could parade around in public like some fruit-loop and get some attention. Still, I suppose he does have the balls to wear something so lame like this in public, he does deserve an ounce of respect in that sense - NAAAAAAAAHH! Who am I kidding? Throw some Vulcan ears on the dork, or some Klingon prosthetic forehead instead of a shitty Empire outfit, and it's all the same disease either way.
For shits and grins I decide to go see what the end of the line looked like. This was it. A blonde chick with a fat ass. Fitting, I suppose.
Just a side note, why izzit that the majority of Sci-Fi nerds have weight problems? Primarily the goddamned Trekkies but some of the Star Wars geeks too. It's something I just don't understand. And why izzit they all have poor hygiene to match? Nevermind. Back to the topic at hand.
Next thing I know, the line starts moving. Fast. Holy shit! People are actually going to see the film! Once again, I figured I would test my luck and see how far I actually got in the line before they said the theater was full. Some flyboys decided to cut in line with their Beautiful People friends and their Beautiful People wives, equating their piloting abilities to line-jumping privileges as well. One chick that was with her WASP pilot boyfriend/husband actually looked pretty hot. Take Jackie O and Natalie Portman and slam them together, and this is what she looked like. Sounds totally fucking weird but believe me, I woulda banged her 9 ways from Sunday even though she was flat as a board and Paris Hilton-skinny. I tried taking a pic of her too but I could never get a decent shot.
The line continued to serpentine around the sidewalk until I made it to the manager dude that was checking tickets. Because I didn't have a ticket that had been purchased in advance, I couldn't go in. Oh well I figured it was worth a shot anyways, but then the dude tells me to wait just a second and he would sell me one anyways. Okay. This should be interesting. No sooner than 5 minutes pass and I'm in like Flynn.
I make my way into the theater and the place is PACKED. I was out of memory on my camera by now so I couldn't take any more photos, otherwise I would include it here. I managed to find an open seat up in the front. Not too close but just right. The Fag-Trooper is sitting 4 rows behind me it turns out and the Jackie O/Natalie Portman chick is sitting right behind me with her WASP aviator for bragging rights. She gives me this "Go to Hell" look the way most Beautiful People chicks do when they see me undressing them with my eyes. Can I help it if I'm staring at her tits?
Some high school nerds are sitting adjacent from me too - only they're the wanna-be goth chicks that are equal parts wigger and equal parts punk, and can't make up their minds which trend to follow. Now as much as I bag on Air Force people for not having personalities, I feel somewhat sorry for the teen-agers of military parents. I mean, it sucks bad enough being a teen, and then you have your parents' bullshit to contend with usually - however as a military teen they take it one step further and you have the whole military environment to contend with. You really can't rebel or experiement with social trends since you're expected to conform to the same bullshit mindset your parents are forced to. Even something so benign as having multiple piercings in the same ear is considered "extreme" by military standards. See what I mean?
Anycase they're dorking out as well and have brought fucking light sabers with them as well. I suppose Star Wars nerds start at any age. The movie finally starts and people start screaming and cheering at the opening title. While I'm not going to spoil the movie for people who haven't seen it, I will say that watching the dude become Darth Vader was truly liberating and a kick-ass thing to see. For once, the Bad Guys win!!! Yay Evil!!!!
After the film ended, everyone was talking how better it was over the first 2 films. Frankly I could've cared less. The way I figured it, Natalie Portman was in all 3 films and gave me some serious wood. The films could've revolved around her drinking coffee and reading femin-nazi lesbian poetry and I wouldn't have noticed either way. I hope that now that she's done making these kid films, she'll take her career more seriously and do something more provacative in nature like 9 1/2 Weeks or Wild Things.
Like I've said previously, I'm not one to run out and buy all sorts of movie-related merchandise, no matter how good a film may be. I'll buy a shit load of rock shirts because that's how the artists make money in addition to touring since record companies usually give them 3 cents to the album sold, and what they're doing actually requires talent, instead of standing before a camera and having the script girl feed you your line if you forget it.
No matter how cool a film may be with its special effects or over-the-top action adventures, it still pales in comparison to seeing a band like Slayer or Deicide perform on stage in front of screaming fans. I've gotten laid as a result of going to concerts, but NEVER from attending a sci-fi film or Anime convention. People that usually attend concerts are cool and lead interesting lives, whereas all fan-boys do is sit around and watch Deep Space Nine re-runs while debating similarities between video games like Halo or Half-Life 2. Sure they may pull in $40-50k a year easy but see how long they would last at a Dimmu Borgir concert!
Besides, when's the last time you got to shake Luke Skywalker's hand after a movie?
posted by Machine at 12:22 PM
2 Comments:
I completely predicted this...
Read about it here -
http://angrydrunkenirishman.blogspot.com/2005/05/ten-predictions-for-star-wars-revenge.html
Great post, by the way.
I don't know what the hell is going on with these pics not showing up. I think it has something to do with the transfer rate or something with my home page. I don't know. I'm not some IT nerd. Still, I'll ask around and see what's up.
Sorry to disappoint, but by now some of you know that's what I do best.
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