Don't touch that Kebab

If you've ever been to Europe you know how much the Europeans love their Doner Kebabs. We call them Gyros in the States, but over here they're known simply as "kebabs". They're pretty tasty too - I've eaten plenty of them for lunch or fighting off a drinking binge at 2am in the morning. Plus you take a really good dump afterwards too.



As you can see here, this huge rack of meat cooks on a turnstile, and it gets shaved off by the cook before it gets handed to you, the customer. While the cooking practices are questionable, I have yet to get sick from eating one of these things. As it turns out, now the quality of the meat is coming into question too - the German media has been having a frenzy on how suddenly all this 7 & 8 year old meat that's been kept in storage is being distributed all over Germany and parts of Italy by some Doner Kebab Mafia of sorts. Obviously the meat shouldn't be sold for human consumption but they're injecting it with blood plasma according to the reports, which will give it a fresh texture and appearance. While it doesn't mention it here, word is that the penalties imposed by the health inspectors are being paid by the mafia since it's considered chump change (E60,000 per violation) since they make millions of Euro annually. While I don't eat out much, this definitely makes me want to order pizza the next time I go out!

So in the spirit of enjoying all things gross and just plain out disgusting, I want to open up MACHINE'S KEBAB STAND in the little village that I live in. I will take anything from road kill to the neighbor's cat and cook the thing on one of these turnstile devices and sell it for mere Euro cents. I could be like that Barth guy from You Can't Do That on Television too where I show the dead carcass to the consumer before grilling it up on the miniature merry-go-round. Or better yet - just have a small carousel of odd creatures you can serve up to eat - and even go so far to mix & match too! Yes, the world can be yours on the tip of your tongue for a small price - and chances are any hallucinations you'd get as a side effect from eating the food would be perfectly legal, so you know I'd have a group of repeat customers! I'd give these mafioso types a run for their money since I would advertise that my product is 100% natural and free of human blood plasma! People would line up for miles too - just you watch.



"You want seconds? Dah, I heard that!!!"