Damn Cats

Fucking what the hell is wrong with cats in Germany? Fucking Christ, I swear - twice now I've had some fuck-wit feline run out in front of my car as I'm trucking down the road doing anywhere between 70 - 100 kmh, like the fucking thing has a death wish or something. I felt bad about the first cat I ran over last year since I kinda had suspicion the thing would dart out in front of me at the last minute, but yesterday's episode just defies all explanation.

But....the way I see it, said kitty I mauled with my piece of German engineering yesterday was paying the price for his brethren - since I moved to my new house, there has been this gray and white cat that has been shitting on my front doorstep NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE BUT THREE TIMES GODDAMMIT. I wake up in the morning and step outside as I'm on my way to work and the fucking cat pile is there, freshly steaming with chunks of indescribable material comprising its stool. Mind you, I avoid most animals in the first place, so for said neighborhood cat to be shitting on my property like this is completely uncalled for - like getting sucker punched for minding my own business.

Anycase the cat yesterday ran off practically unscathed from under the carriage of my vehicle and has died of internal hemorraging for all I know. What I do know is that I'm going to start putting pseudo-Hello Kitty hash mark stickers on the side of my car the same way World War II pilots would create hash marks of the enemy planes that they downed. If anyone asks, I won't hesitate to explain what they are.


Damn cats.


Heh.