Picture Problems
I finally got it.
I had no idea how fucking huge alot of these pics may appear on other people's monitors, until my sister told me in an e-mail to get a fucking clue and get with the program. So, sorry for having to bear through long download times and what not. I've resized the majority of the pictures here, making this blog dial-up friendly and what not. Please accept that as my apology to everyone.
I've also purchased a domain name and figured the reason why the majority of pictures weren't showing up is because of the fucking cheap-ass GeoShitties free service I've been using. Can't complain about getting something for nothing, right? So once again, I got with the program and hope this has solved the problem. Please keep me posted if pics still don't show up, or if some fucking weird leprechaun shows up on your monitor unexpectedly, laughing about a virus download or some shit.
Anycase, tonight's topic revolves around less-than-glamorous pics. We all have them hidden away somewhere - you know - the kind that are very unflattering. The pics where your eyes are partially closed, or you have some goofy retarded look on your face. Maybe there's a tampon string hanging out of your swimsuit, or you're popping a boner and it shows. I get a kick out of them personally. It takes away from your allure and larger-than-life persona on the internet. Here are some of my faves taken last year when I visited Tokyo in June.
"Rawwwrrrrr~ !"
There was a Frankenstein statue outside of a sex shop in Ueno, Tokyo. What the fuck? By having a Frankenstein statue in front of your business, will more people be compelled to buy more dildos and butt plugs? More anal lube? Whips and bondage equipment? Frankie is still there to this day, although when I saw him last week, his head had been busted open, possibly by some vandal or some sex-crazed Japanese businessman angry he couldn't get the last copy of Super Bukkake Sailor Girl Panties on video. I thought it would be fucking awesome to have this pic taken. You decide who is the monster and who is the boring stiff.
Just around the corner from the sleazy red light district in Ueno is the Tokyo Metropolitan Museum of Art. Talk about stark contrasts. Anycase, There is a replica of Rodin's The Gates of Hell out on display for everyone to see. In case you have no idea who Rodin is, he's the French dude that gave us The Thinker (aka the sitting naked guy staring), and if you have no idea what THAT is then you're fucking pathetic and have no appreciation for art! Fuck you then!
Anycase there was some sign printed in tiny English saying to stay away from this. I figured it would be hella cool for me to pose in front of it. Just as I did, some asshole security guard told me to get the fuck off the display and started yelling at me in Japanese, as you can see here in this photo. I played the bit of the stupid American and went about my business.
Just as the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld screamed "No Soup For You!, Jesus and his wax buddies are faithfully recreated here from DaVinci's painting of The Last Supper, and have forsaken me the last rites of our Lord and Savior. I found this inside the Tokyo Tower, located in Rappongi, of all places. Heh. Wonder if it was the shirt that gave it away?
Oh yes. It is my secret desire to get my bunghole licked by some giant freak some day. In the same Tokyo Tower mentioned previously, there was an optical illusion display for people to experience. For a few extra Yen, you could go in and experience these paintings. Doors on the ceiling, animals leaning through a window at you, M.C. Escher style-stairs connecting into other stairwells, etc. A great place to take a date or let your kids burn off some energy. But watch out for the rim-job zombie here.
"Yeeeeee-Haaaaaaawwww ~!"
I'm a MONSTER TRUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER! If you ever wanna see the redneck in me come out, just play Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd, or get me around a Monster Truck. Real or PlaySkool, as shown here.
Okay. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, standing next to a goddamned giant robot and a fucking PokeMon kiddie ride. Okay, actually I do. Joey Ramone once posed next to a Japanese robot bug hero when The Ramones toured Japan back in the late 70's and since I like the Ramones, I wanted to copy them. Only I'm wearing a Dimmu Borgir t-shirt which is Norwegian Death Metal, not NYC punk rock. Hey, it seemed cool at the time.
Finally, Not Enough Metal for Either Hand! I wandered around the Meiji Shrine located in the Harajuku district of Tokyo last year, on the word of a co-worker that on Sundays, all the freaky Japanese goth chicks get dolled up and hang out for people to witness. And sure enough, they were there! Since I have a fascination with anything offensive, I figured this would be the perfect way to end this entry. My command of the Japanese language is dodgy at best, so getting all the girls to give the camera the finger was quite an accomplishment.
The ultimate in embarassing photos are the county prison mug shots that get taken of you once you get incarcerated. I need to remember to get a copy of mine next time I get hauled off by the cops. Someone please remind me.
I had no idea how fucking huge alot of these pics may appear on other people's monitors, until my sister told me in an e-mail to get a fucking clue and get with the program. So, sorry for having to bear through long download times and what not. I've resized the majority of the pictures here, making this blog dial-up friendly and what not. Please accept that as my apology to everyone.
I've also purchased a domain name and figured the reason why the majority of pictures weren't showing up is because of the fucking cheap-ass GeoShitties free service I've been using. Can't complain about getting something for nothing, right? So once again, I got with the program and hope this has solved the problem. Please keep me posted if pics still don't show up, or if some fucking weird leprechaun shows up on your monitor unexpectedly, laughing about a virus download or some shit.
Anycase, tonight's topic revolves around less-than-glamorous pics. We all have them hidden away somewhere - you know - the kind that are very unflattering. The pics where your eyes are partially closed, or you have some goofy retarded look on your face. Maybe there's a tampon string hanging out of your swimsuit, or you're popping a boner and it shows. I get a kick out of them personally. It takes away from your allure and larger-than-life persona on the internet. Here are some of my faves taken last year when I visited Tokyo in June.
"Rawwwrrrrr~ !"
There was a Frankenstein statue outside of a sex shop in Ueno, Tokyo. What the fuck? By having a Frankenstein statue in front of your business, will more people be compelled to buy more dildos and butt plugs? More anal lube? Whips and bondage equipment? Frankie is still there to this day, although when I saw him last week, his head had been busted open, possibly by some vandal or some sex-crazed Japanese businessman angry he couldn't get the last copy of Super Bukkake Sailor Girl Panties on video. I thought it would be fucking awesome to have this pic taken. You decide who is the monster and who is the boring stiff.
Just around the corner from the sleazy red light district in Ueno is the Tokyo Metropolitan Museum of Art. Talk about stark contrasts. Anycase, There is a replica of Rodin's The Gates of Hell out on display for everyone to see. In case you have no idea who Rodin is, he's the French dude that gave us The Thinker (aka the sitting naked guy staring), and if you have no idea what THAT is then you're fucking pathetic and have no appreciation for art! Fuck you then!
Anycase there was some sign printed in tiny English saying to stay away from this. I figured it would be hella cool for me to pose in front of it. Just as I did, some asshole security guard told me to get the fuck off the display and started yelling at me in Japanese, as you can see here in this photo. I played the bit of the stupid American and went about my business.
Just as the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld screamed "No Soup For You!, Jesus and his wax buddies are faithfully recreated here from DaVinci's painting of The Last Supper, and have forsaken me the last rites of our Lord and Savior. I found this inside the Tokyo Tower, located in Rappongi, of all places. Heh. Wonder if it was the shirt that gave it away?
Oh yes. It is my secret desire to get my bunghole licked by some giant freak some day. In the same Tokyo Tower mentioned previously, there was an optical illusion display for people to experience. For a few extra Yen, you could go in and experience these paintings. Doors on the ceiling, animals leaning through a window at you, M.C. Escher style-stairs connecting into other stairwells, etc. A great place to take a date or let your kids burn off some energy. But watch out for the rim-job zombie here.
"Yeeeeee-Haaaaaaawwww ~!"
I'm a MONSTER TRUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER! If you ever wanna see the redneck in me come out, just play Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd, or get me around a Monster Truck. Real or PlaySkool, as shown here.
Okay. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, standing next to a goddamned giant robot and a fucking PokeMon kiddie ride. Okay, actually I do. Joey Ramone once posed next to a Japanese robot bug hero when The Ramones toured Japan back in the late 70's and since I like the Ramones, I wanted to copy them. Only I'm wearing a Dimmu Borgir t-shirt which is Norwegian Death Metal, not NYC punk rock. Hey, it seemed cool at the time.
Finally, Not Enough Metal for Either Hand! I wandered around the Meiji Shrine located in the Harajuku district of Tokyo last year, on the word of a co-worker that on Sundays, all the freaky Japanese goth chicks get dolled up and hang out for people to witness. And sure enough, they were there! Since I have a fascination with anything offensive, I figured this would be the perfect way to end this entry. My command of the Japanese language is dodgy at best, so getting all the girls to give the camera the finger was quite an accomplishment.
The ultimate in embarassing photos are the county prison mug shots that get taken of you once you get incarcerated. I need to remember to get a copy of mine next time I get hauled off by the cops. Someone please remind me.
posted by Machine at 9:40 AM
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