Cut Down
"All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest"
-"The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel
Perhaps I thought there was more to me and Melanie than what was really there.
Perhaps I was stupid to think that we had alot more in common than what I imagined.
Perhaps I was ignorant, foolish and blind to the signs that there was nothing at all.
The Truth is very ugly and rarely sets anyone free.
It's been a very long time since I've felt this way about someone and even longer that I've felt like shit when I found out my emotions have been all in vain. Wasted on an ingrate. Few women connect with me on a deeper level like she has and even fewer truly appreciate it until it's too late.
Alot of women wonder why men do so many fucked up things. They wonder why it is men become such assholes or worse, and yet they never seem to put 2 + 2 together. Melanie figured it all out yet she still throws fuel on the fire and then wonders why she continues getting burned.
I really go out on a limb for her and have really taken the risk of exposure by letting my true feelings be made known. It has been a struggle for me to sit by idly while she destroys herself with men and alcohol, despite hearing my advice. I have been there to nurse her wounded ego all this time, and all I've asked for in return has been simple companionship. And even that has been snubbed.
On top of it all, she might be pregnant now.
No, not with my child, but with some asshole I made the mistake of introducing her to. While I have told her repeatedly I feel as if I am ultimately responsible for this fiasco, she tells me that the mistake was hers and that I had no part in it. Bullshit. Had I kept my damn mouth shut from the start, none of this would've happened.
Chew on that, all you Butterfly Effect assholes.
I just hope the pills worked in time, for the sake of everyone involved.
I can't see anything positive coming from this experience. Nothing at all.
"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
'I am leaving, I am leaving'
But the fighter still remains"
I definitely need to get out of this place.
It has costed me more than what I have truly begun to realize.
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest"
-"The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel
Perhaps I thought there was more to me and Melanie than what was really there.
Perhaps I was stupid to think that we had alot more in common than what I imagined.
Perhaps I was ignorant, foolish and blind to the signs that there was nothing at all.
The Truth is very ugly and rarely sets anyone free.
It's been a very long time since I've felt this way about someone and even longer that I've felt like shit when I found out my emotions have been all in vain. Wasted on an ingrate. Few women connect with me on a deeper level like she has and even fewer truly appreciate it until it's too late.
Alot of women wonder why men do so many fucked up things. They wonder why it is men become such assholes or worse, and yet they never seem to put 2 + 2 together. Melanie figured it all out yet she still throws fuel on the fire and then wonders why she continues getting burned.
I really go out on a limb for her and have really taken the risk of exposure by letting my true feelings be made known. It has been a struggle for me to sit by idly while she destroys herself with men and alcohol, despite hearing my advice. I have been there to nurse her wounded ego all this time, and all I've asked for in return has been simple companionship. And even that has been snubbed.
On top of it all, she might be pregnant now.
No, not with my child, but with some asshole I made the mistake of introducing her to. While I have told her repeatedly I feel as if I am ultimately responsible for this fiasco, she tells me that the mistake was hers and that I had no part in it. Bullshit. Had I kept my damn mouth shut from the start, none of this would've happened.
Chew on that, all you Butterfly Effect assholes.
I just hope the pills worked in time, for the sake of everyone involved.
I can't see anything positive coming from this experience. Nothing at all.
"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
'I am leaving, I am leaving'
But the fighter still remains"
I definitely need to get out of this place.
It has costed me more than what I have truly begun to realize.
posted by Machine at 12:11 PM
4 Comments:
wow....that was a lot to catch up on.
anywho, sorry dude, but i don't buy the "its my fault" thing. I mean you might feel that way, but you shouldn't cause it's not your fault. it doesnt matter who the hell you introduced her to, she's the one who couldn't keep her legs shut, therefore, if she is knocked up, its her own fault for being a....eh, I'm trying to be nice here, really I am. but you know me....
Well Brookie, you're entitled to say anything you want to. I'm not going to fault you if you take the kid gloves off.
Either in dealing with me or your sentiments for Melanie.
Just about everyone else that I've spoken with has said the same thing too - "Machine, it's not your fault".
The fucked up thing is that she doesn't regret it either. She told me this the other day. Either she's a glutton for punishment or she's been lying through her teeth this entire time. You tell me.
I say a little of both. I'd also like to say that (although I've never met her and shouldn't judge) I don't trust her and think that she's a lying & coniving bitch. ok. I'm done now
She's crafty at times although she's too stupid to lie. A better term would be wishy-washy.
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