Cards on the Table Part 2

So Melanie and I went out to Kunsan City tonight. We took a taxi to a coffee shop/restaurant where it was just the two of us, and the woman running the shop. It was completely empty which was perfect for what needed to be discussed.

For starters, Melanie wanted to know how it was I knew Juicy Girl and thought perhaps and I had done something obscene as a result. I laughed initially when I heard this, but assured her it was only from Chair-Force that we've corresponded and nothing else. For some reason even when I tell her the truth she thinks I'm full of shit. Why I would want to make up a story about something like that I have no idea - for one thing I would have to deal with the continual pressure of sounding like Johnny Porn-Star and I'm not one to brag about my exploits. I'm not one to kiss and tell.

But after that initial ice-breaker, we started to get to real questions. Everything from my fucked-up childhood as a kid to my present situation was covered. This spanned over my many failed relationships with women, my dis-belief with Christianity and most organized religion in general, as well sordid observations about me on her part. For someone that's only 22, she's been taking some pretty damn good notes. "We're cut from the same fabric although you and are come from two completely different backgrounds" she concluded.

And she was right.

Part of the reason I've made more of a deal about her than most other women I know is because we're cut from the same fabric. I am convinced if we had more time together that we would compliment one another entirely all too well. But that's probably just optimistic thinking on my part. For once I was completely on the level with her and come to realize everything that we had been missing out as friends - but part of me wasn't willing to let things get taken to this level, out of concern for her sharp tongue. When you have met someone that is so much alike in mind and in heart and they criticize you for the very things they share as well, it makes me very reluctant to continue down the same path with that person.

I suppose she was really hoping I would spill my guts about my involvement with the occult. "You know I feel like you haven't told me everything. Like you're holding back for some reason" she mentioned. No. I hadn't. I just came out with it differently than what she was expecting to hear. The end result is that I still said it, but not in the Springer, over-the-top fashion she's been accustomed to. Sometimes the most profound messages come in whispers and not screams.

But I did hold back from her my true feelings for her all this time and how much I'm going to miss her when she leaves soon. Like I said, she's gone the mile with me and for better or for worse, we compliment one another. That's more than any other woman has done for me, in a very very long time. As much frustration and pain that we've caused one another, we've perservered and have come through this whole malestrom together. I would really hate to throw that all away.

But I have no choice in the matter. She's going to Washington State and I am heading to Germany as I originally intended. It was never my choice to begin with. While I would like to think that the time we've shared together was for the better, ultimately time will tell. After all, you feed a man daily and then remove his sustinence abruptly, he will begin to wander looking for food again. And he may or may not resort to extremes.

Some other things were discussed that I need time to reflect on, which I may or may not choose to share in this forum. Few people take the interest she has in me, and that really means alot, considering it's such a rare luxury in my life. I just wish that things were more favorable between us the time we were together.

Maybe time is what makes it that much more valuable.