More Melanie

Well it seems Melanie has finally caught on to some of the stuff I've been trying to teach her the time we've been together. It shocked the shit out of me that she came to this conclusion which is why I believe there's so much more work that needs to be done, only I can't take her with me to Germany. "I feel like I'm abandoning a work in progress" I tell her, although in reality she has probably learned everything she can from me and the rest is up to her to apply.

Melanie told me the reason why she is at odds with so many of the guys she's dated. She told me that she believes all men start out good until one woman does them wrong, and then payback's a bitch. That woman can be the dude's mother, sister, girlfriend or spouse - it doesn't matter who, but once the damage is done, the dude will remain an asshole for life to all women, and forever more.

She finally hit the nail on the head.

Dudes are assholes to women because of the pain they've been dealt by them. The guy can be involved with the sweetest thing in the world, but because the woman before her fucked things up, she has to deal with the fall-out surrounding that. I'm not saying that justifies the behavior of some dude acting like a total twat and a complete coward, but it gives an explanation to the countless femin-nazis out there that think by rebelling against a male-dominated society they will some how emerge victorious.

Remember, it all starts with the hand that rocks the cradle.

I've told her my story about Donna, the first woman I ever truly loved. We were together for almost a year when she pulled the carpet out from beneath my feet, telling me how her future plans included becoming an Optometry Instructor for the Air Force, and how those plans didn't include me. After feeling like a total ass professing my feelings to her, she replied "Oh, I love you like I love THE DOG".

What the fuck?

The fucking DOG?

Did I get that right?

Yes, the goddamned DOG.

Why not just rip my balls off and feed them to THE DOG since obviously I'm not MAN enough to fulfill your needs? And obviously the affection I showed your daughter didn't count for much either. I was more of a father to her than her real dad was, but whatever. The whole time we were together must've been nothing more than just one giant jerk-fest since she got what she wanted out of the relationship, and not think twice about leaving me with my dick in my hand. She bought my love but I paid for it.

Well, I took the break-up really bad. Horribly. Everything from banging trailer park trash bitches and titty dancers to starting shit with dudes twice my size just to get my ass kicked on purpose, I just didn't care what happened or what I did with my life. I'd go out and get trashed during the week night and come in to work the next morning reeking of alcohol. Unshaved and uniform wrinkled, I would tell co-workers to piss off if they so much looked at me wrong. My grades in school started to suffer and I ended up having to pay back my tuition for the semester since I was out drinking and fucking all the time instead of attending class and studying. After all, the only person that brought light to my dark side had left, and didn't even give me the courtesy of telling me why. Even to this day I still have never been told "why" or "how" things just didn't work out, and chances are I never will either.

The whole experience fucked me up for a few more years before I was finally able to put the whole thing behind me. Dudes react differently than women do when a relationship fails. Most women cry and get it out of their system, and then they're able to move on, whereas alot of dudes hold the shit in where it festers, some times for weeks, months or even years. I'm the kind of dude that won't just "drop shit" like it's nothing. If I am with a woman for any extended amount of time, chances are I've shared the darker corners of my soul with her and she's been accepting of me regardless. Not an easy task to do and definitely not easy to find a replacement for her either. I still held on to what we had long after she had left, in hopes that maybe she would take a step back and realize what we had going wasn't worth throwing away. Even after I came to the conclusion that wasn't going to happen, the majority of the women I knew just didn't interest me the same way she had. They may have been pretty but they were lacking Donna's personality, her wit, and most of all the affection I sought. To put it best, it's like having to resort to living on bread and water after you've been eating steak and potatoes for the longest time. Barely living.

I still know how to get in touch with Donna if I wish to. It's not that I have a burning desire to start shit up with her, although the way I see it, if she can help me professionally I'll hold her obligated until such a time I feel she no longer serves a purpose. Like the time when Marla Singer from the movie Fight Club took that wad of cash from Cornelius (Edward Norton's character) as he's shoving her on the bus to flee town, she refers to the money as "Asshole Tax" for having to suffer his shit, only it's "Cunt Tax" in this case.

So having explained all of this to Melanie, she saw her conclusion was pretty much dead on. Aside from my grandmother on my father's side, no woman I have ever known has ever made me into a better person. Not even my own mother, and that says alot right there.

I'm quite sure you can figure the rest out from there.