FFH Concert

All week I've been waiting for these stupid fucking Christians to play their fucking concert. Goddammit! It's about fucking time they showed up! Fuck!

I took my video camera as well as my digital camera since I wanted to catch this whole thing without missing a beat. I figure it's not very often that a band comes to Kunsan, let alone a Christian band and I want to see what these assholes have to say.

So I show up about 10 minutes before the show - it's being hosted out on the football field. There are a shitload of DAKs and their fucking slope kids running around, acting annoying as all fuck. They showed up for the free food, no doubt. After all, it's ingrained in their culture to fucking take a freebie any chance they get. And we've been giving them freebies for the past 50 years too. Hell, we even fought 2 fucking wars for them and they return the gratitude with Slicky Boy black-marketing our shit and crappy cars like Daewoo and Hyundai. I will never purchase anything Korean-made. Ever.

But let's get back to the subject at hand. FFH. Far From Home. That's what the name of the band stands for. While it probably references something about Heaven or some other Biblical bullshit, I suppose it's catchy enough. Whatever. Before they come on stage, the Protestant Chaplain gets up and does his little thing - tries to get people rallied before the band starts singing. It goes over like a dead fish. People just want to eat the free food and and listen to some free music.

They get up and start singing something that sounds like Amy Grant or any other contemporary Christian band you hear on AM radio when you're driving through the mountains and your FM isn't picking anything up. And they look bored as fuck too. Like packing up their shit and flying 5,000 miles to perform to a bunch of assholes and retards in Butt-Fuck-Korea isn't a defining moment in their career. Of course it's not! They're fucking BROKE and are using the money that Dubya has alloted for the Faith-Based Initiative Act as a means of paying the bills for the time being. I've seen fucking puppet shows that are livelier than these brain-dead sheeple that are performing for us, and what's even worse is the audience is eating this up hook, line and sinker! Fuck me running!

But what gets me is how the lead singer has the nerve to rub in our faces how last year him and his band members got incentive rides in the F-16 airplane when they were visiting Luke Air Force Base, out in Arizona. The Air Force kissed their asses and yet someone like me who's a Lifer can't even get the same courtesy. And I keep those goddamned pilots flying too! I think he was trying to tell us how much he appreciates what it is we do, but he was oblivious to it all. Then, he mentioned how one of the pilots gave him an American flag that had been flown over Bosnia for bombing missions, which pissed me the fuck off too. What he didn't realize is that by America bending the Serbs over and ass-fucking them, we screwed one of our biggest supporters in Eastern Europe since the fall of Communism by reigning death from above and letting the Albanian Muslims continue their reign of terror. The same Muslim assholes we're engaging in places like Iraq and Afghanistan right now, I imagine.

Then he took things one step further by saying why they were performing at Luke AFB during that time frame too. He said "Oh we were performing out there as an alternative to Halloween" just about got me ill too. But Protestants and Catholics alike are oblivious to how their holidays are based on Pagan holidays, but instead will scream that Satan is trying to steal what's "rightfully theirs" by enticing people with Trick 'er Treat candy, Santa Claus and an Easter Bunny.

And of course, they do the whole Jesus thing too - only they have the Base Chaplain come up and translate in Korean what he is saying. I thought that proselytizing on a government installation was forbidden! And for an Air Force officer to do the same thing is practically unheard of! So does that mean if Deicide comes to play at Kunsan that I can get up and start quoting references from The Satanic Bible? Why can't Slayer put on a USO show for the troops, if these FFH morons can come over on the government's dime - your tax money - and sing about the gospel of Jesus Christ? Rest assured, your tax money is hard at work, dissolving the Second Amendment. I am quite sure there is a seat up in Heaven for Dubya when he goes to visit the Pearly Gates.

Well, they churn out a few more songs and get the whole sing-a-long thing going. People stand up and start clapping to the rhythm while their damn kids are running around being a nuisance. While they don't do an altar call or anything they do say they will be available to meet after the show.

A ha. My time to strike.

Finally.

I have my Slayer shirt on and want to get my photo taken with them. Oh what a fucking hoot it will be! Christians shaking hands with a Satanist! This is definitely a moment to savor.

So I go up and stand in line. By now the beers I had slammed earlier had worn off and I was in a somewhat obnoxious mood. Like my Easter story with Melanie, I had to get tanked ahead of time since they weren't serving alcohol at a family-oriented event like this.

I have their roady take a picture of me with the band and that's when I start laying on the questions.

"So if I were to play your music backwards, would I hear a message from Jesus?"

"Have you ever thought of having a life-size replica of 'The Crucifixion' on stage during your performances?"

"So since you're here at 'The Wolf Pack', are you considered to be sheep in wolves clothing? Or izzit the other way around?"

"Why is it there's no beer at your concerts? And where are the groupies?"

"Do you guys all gang-bang the female singer before a show to relieve tension?"

Shit like that.

What? Huh?

Of COURSE I DIDN'T SAY THOSE THINGS. WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M THAT FUCKING STUPID?! JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST!!

Listen, the Number 1 sin in Satanism is stupidity and I'm not about to say shit like that when people like the Base Commander and my Squadron Commander are standing there within earshot of me. The way I see it, it took balls enough just to wear the fucking Slayer t-shirt around these people and have the photograph taken. Chances are that will gain attention and I will hear shit about it come Monday or whenever. I'll just play it off either way and say I was showing tolerance for a different set of beliefs other than my own, and the same consideration should be returned.

Anycase, here's the picture I promised.



And yes, my hand is on her ass.

Psyche.