Star Wars comes to Kunsan....finally

Well the new Star Wars film finally arrived here this past Thursday and is showing all weekend. Despite the fact you can easily get the bootleg copy off base from the local economy, there are honest people such as myself that will pay the money to see this film on the widescreen. After seeing this film once again, perhaps I should join the multitude of people that support piracy and spend the $10 the Koreans are charging since it's a steam pile of Wookie crap. That way, I can know ahead of time whether or not it's worth sitting through 2 hours of lousy dialogue and mind-numbing special effects.

I really liked the original 3 films as a child. My Dad took me to see the first Star Wars in the movie theater for my birthday. I had just turned 6 years old and thought it was the neatest thing ever, especially the light sabers, R2-D2 and C3P0. For a little boy it was truly a moment to remember. Even as some 33 year old dork, I find the original 3 films to be as delightful now as they were then, however I think the pre-quels suck donkey balls.




Usually the air base looks drab and lifeless, echoing the prison-style mentality our people live under. Everywhere you look, it's uninspiring and dull for the most part. However, the moment you get within the vicinity of the BX, you're instantly transported from Stalag 13 to the bowels of the Star Wars Universe, with all these decals and promotional items being advertised.



What people fail to remember is that all that glitters isn't gold. Just looking around base here I see all the Star Wars merchandise that Burger King is promoting, yet it's the same old crap, just with a fresh coat of paint on it. Chewbacca and Darth Vader are there on either side of the Food Court entrance to greet you as you enter, reminding you that there is a new film out to see. There was a cardboard Darth Vader as well that would make the respirator sounds, but I think some jealous fan-boy stole it from the foyer when nobody was paying attention. Yes, even out here in Korea, there are Star Wars nerds that won't skip a beat and take advantage of some obscure piece of movie work if they can get their hands on it.



I went to see the movie again that night like I mentioned, and wasn't impressed with the film like I was the first time seeing it last month. The opening scene felt like I was watching the opening sequence of Halo 2 since both were space battles that determined which side would gain the upper hand for the rest of the plot. The sad thing is that the Halo 2 CGI looks better than the multi-million dollar CGI Lucas spent creating the opening events, and it was all done using X-Box technology! Perhaps Bungie Software should go into the movie industry, considering the storyline for the Halo series has been so much more entertaining than what Lucas has pumped out recently, and they could do it for a fraction of the cost. While Star Wars Epsiode III ties down alot of loose ends, I can't help but to feel cheated out of a darker, alternate storyline over all.

All in all, nobody showed up dressed like their fave character unlike the dork at Osan, and the theater was nowhere near as packed as it was when I saw it the first time. Overall I've come to learn that you can't truly polish a turd no matter how much elbow grease you put into it, and Lucas's best years are truly behind him. The best we can hope for is that some underground film director does a parody of the Star Wars movies by turning it into some cheesey porno if it hasn't been done so already. In the meantime, people will continue to watch these uninspiring films and collect what little bits of fanfare they think is worth pawning on E-Bay.


I wanna see the fucker that snags this thing when nobody's watching!