She bought your love but you paid for it

Heh. For all you bitches that I sent out the Goldfrapp E-card and wished a Happy Valentine's Day only to never recieve a Valentine's Day greeting myself, here's my way of saying 'thanks'- Some random STD pic I found from the internet: Remember this the next time you go down on some royal fucking asshole you just met at the bar and think he's so fucking wonderful. Reality will hit you soon enough. Besides, this photo should keep all the military assholes from viewing this blog from work for a change! I'm tracking you fuckers so don't think I don't know what's going on! Now get back to work already! Anycase Lilo, my co-worker was pissed that I didn't get her anything today either. I was like WTF? We're not dating or anything so why should she be expecting something from me? We talk and she helps me with my German and that's about it - what more is there? At first I was joking around, telling her she didn't get me anything either, to which she replied "I'm more traditional" as her excuse. Eh whatever. I teased her about it but I could tell for the rest of the day she was seriously pissed that she didn't have flowers or chocolates or anything denoting how special someone finds her to be. Okay okay. Jeezus Fucking Christ. Twist my arm already. Since she helped me with my Extra Credit for my German course the other day, I figured I would make something special for her. I went on line, grabbed some stupid JPEG that said "Be my Valentine" with a heart in the middle of it. Then I photoshopped a picture of a nanny goat inside the heart and I wrote beneath it: "Dear Lilo. Bist meine ziege. Machine" (Translation: Be my goat.) The significance behind this is my German teacher wanted us to make a Valentine's Day card as extra credit and for us to write about 4 or 5 sentences. Since I gave up on romance ages ago, I just reflect the reality of an embittered isolated man who has sacrificed too much for the sake of angry bitches everywhere to criticize and condemn his actions. I wrote: "Du isst mein Essen und trinkst mein Bier und machst die Wohnung schmutzig. Du schlafst mit dien Mund auf und hast einen schlecten Atem. Du bist fett und hasslich. Unser kind is blode. Meine Mutter hatte Recht - Du bist eine ZIEGE" (Translation: You eat my food and drink my beer and clutter the apartment. You sleep with your mouth open and you have horrible breath. You are fat and ugly and our kid is stupid. My mother was right - you are a goat") I then drew a picture of a goat inside a Valentine's Day heart surround with daisies and gave it to Lilo to correct. She laughed and said I was an evil man for saying such things, and how no woman in her right mind would find me attractive. I told her it was for my school and that I would turn it in and see what my teacher thought. Well, as it turns out, my teacher was sick yesterday and should be back tomorrow, when I can turn it in. I'm hoping she will share it in front of the class! So, by just saying "Be my goat" that was what was implied behind it all. She saw those 3 words and started laughing and then proceeded to put it up at her work station. "Now I have something to remember you by" she said with a smile on her face. Okay. If it makes you happy. Honestly kids. I don't shit where I eat and I don't fuck co-workers normally. Perhaps I should with this one? I'd rather not, especially when she finds out everything there is about me. Eh. It sucks not getting laid but it sucks even worse when you have some angry office bitch spreading all sorts of gossip and rumors and shit for 12 hours a day. Nevermind the fact that it's all true. I'd just rather not go there. So for all you fuckers that are getting laid today, enjoy it. Hell, shoot your load twice even. Make sure to double-up on the Yohimbine and wake up with a huge smile on your face tomorrow morning. I know I will since I'm getting paid and there's a gas station nearby that's loaded with German porn. I'll consider it to be the "After Palm Sunday Blow-Out Sale". Get it?