The Wet Blanket

I tell yah what. When I know my shit, I fucking know my shit. I'm not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I have a photographic memory. I am what most people refer to as a "late bloomer" but when everything falls into place, it's fucking fantastic. And when I'm right - I'm fucking right. Today I had to brief a bunch of colonels on some shit our shop is doing and because I work the section they're talking about, one of my superiors decides that it would be good to get some "face time" with the big boys. I'll refer to him as "Andy Griffith" or simply "Andy" since he reminds me of that lanky dork from that godawful 1950's show - all dopey and conservative and shit. I go into the briefing room, the slides I am using have been through the usual rigormorale of being checked for accuracy, punctuation, etc etc, and I begin my brief. Now most briefings are boring as Hell and put people to sleep. The last briefing I attended my commander was falling asleep right next to me when the briefer was dragging on forever about some pointless bullshit. Every time I see this, I figure I'll do the EXACT OPPOSITE and put some energy into what I'm talking about. Okay. For security reasons I can't go into exact details but I will say that I was the equivalent to 10 year old souped up on Red Bull when doing my presentation. People woke up and were wondering who in the Hell this dude from the trenches was getting all excited about. Okay - perhaps a neglected Jack Russell Terrier on Red Bull is more like it. Anycase I start to crack a few jokes - gallows humor primarily - and the whole place starts laughing and cracking up. I say what I need to say and then get the Hell outta there to go back to my daily grind. Once the briefing is over, Andy comes up to me and tells me that I was long-winded and digressed and how I should just stick to the topic and nothing more. Now mind you, this guy is notorious for bugging the shit outta me with inane taskers, and is a time stealer with the nonsensical bullshit he wants to talk to me about, rambling on and getting lost in thought while mid-sentence, yet has the fucking nerve to tell me that I need to work on my briefing skills. The colonels were laughing right along with everyone else, and the way I see it if they had any issues then I would've been cut short and told to leave. I suppose what it boiled down to was that I got my point across and made everyone else look like ass-hats by being boring and formulated, and for some knuckle-dragger like me to steal the show makes these educated retards like Andy seem ineffective. Hey - when I shine, I fucking shine brighter than the rest. Every place I've been has that one person who is always the wet blanket in the bunch. It doesn't matter who. They're never content with letting their people just "be" and have to try controlling you through indoctrination. Without a doubt, Andy is the wet blanket of my section. He was jealous and wanted to steal my fucking fire today but couldn't do a damn thing about it since the big boys gave me the proverbial "thumbs up" and got the "okay" once I was done. Come to think of it..."Wet Blanket" is better than "Andy" so if I ever write about this Norman Rockwell throw-back again then for future reference I'll refer to him as such. I swear Wet Blanket and Wonder Woman are in league with eachother.