The Kung Fu Chicken

Megan aka Meganopheles and I were talking last night on the phone about random bullshit. Everything from getting your dick sucked in a port-a-potty Everything about failed relationships we've experienced to the Easter Bunny and the Passover Chicken and what the fuck the Germans do during this time of the year. Last year when I started this blog, I was in Korea and had too much time on my hands. Like the proverbial inmate awaiting his parole, my mind wandered and I wrote all sorts of shit about Easter and the Easter Bunny and the goddamned Passover Chicken. If you wanna read it, go click the link to the right where it says "Archives" and find it. I'm too lazy to dig it up and link it for yah myself. Besides you need to read all the other shit I've posted here previously. Well, back to Megan - I pose a question on My(waste of)Space if the Easter Bunny and the Passover Chicken were to rochambeau for passing out eggs this year, who would win? Well....she answered a question with a question today by asking "What about the Kung Fu Chicken"? Ah so - good question - originally when I was living in the US, I had some idiot coworker use the phrase all the time when he was telling someone to chill out and it stuck with me somehow. Needless to say, I can't shake it so I suppose it deserves a story of its own. The Kung Fu Chicken comes out during the Chinese New Year and gives all the Chinese kids egg rolls instead of Easter eggs or Matzoh balls. After all, Jesus and the Jews are not historically or officially recognized by the People's Republic of China, however SARS, human rights violations and Jackie Chan movies are. Put them all together and -BAM- you have the Kung Fu Chicken. So, like the pied piper he then leads them to a sweat shop where they have to work 18 hours a day making holiday presents for Santa Claus, Hannukah Harry, and all the other corporate holiday crime bosses out there. Everything from knock-off Pokemon toys to cheap ass jewelry gets pumped out in time for the other holiday seasons to keep boys and girls everywhre satiated. What. Did you really think it was those goddamned Keebler elves up at the North Pole doing all that work? Fuck no! Ever since they went Union, Santa has had a bitch of a time negotiating a contract and like Wal-Mart, has had to hire illegal workers to keep production costs down! It's the mastermind scheme of the KUNG FU CHICKEN. So, every time you go to a Chinese restaurant, be thankful for all the cheap-ass shit you've got at home that says "Made in China" and make sure to tip really good. Chances are the cooks and staff were employed once by the Kung Fu Chicken and still have to pay a percentage to one of his flunkies or else they get their kneecaps broken. And that's the story of the Kung Fu Chicken. At least until I can think of something better.