Neunkirchen

I get a wild hare up my ass yesterday and decide to see what the hell Zhombie is up to. I figure it's Saturday and I'm bored as fuck and since DORK isn't around to call I'll see if he wants to tool around instead. I'm on base and decide to go inside the BX Bookstore to pick up some pens and pencils for class. No sooner do I get in line that this little hottie blonde and her loser of a boyfriend get behind me. This guy looks like a typical comic book dork and a human version of that stupid Chicken Little cartoon if it were to ever become human. Little Hottie Blonde: "Hey I want to get some coffee - what do you want?" Whiney Loser: "Uh - I'll have whatever you have" Little Hottie Blonde: "Tell me what you want - I don't want to get you something you don't end up liking" Whiney Loser: "Just get me whatever you want" Little Hottie Blonde: "OKAY FINE!" and she storms off Whiney Loser: " Uh ~ ! I hate it when she does that to me" I had just witnessed the most pathetic form of a man hooked up with a hot chick, and wondered what the fuck did he have to nail her in the first place? A 10 inch dick? More money than Bill Gates? Tongue-Fu? There was no way this hot piece of ass was attracted to this whiney bitch-boy simply out of "personality" alone. That shit just doesn't happen in real life. About 5 minutes later she returns with two cups of coffee and has a smile on her face like that little tiff of theirs had never happened. I was dumb-founded. I pay for my shit and then leave. The girl behind the counter asked me whether or not I was having a good day. Why? And come to think about it, it seems someone has been doing the same to me all week. I must have a really shitty look on my face or something and not even realize it. "Eh." I replied in my infamous Short Bus Mafia sarcasm and then went about my business. I also buy a video game and the chick at the cash register asks whether or not I am a Marine since I am wearing my digital camouflage jacket. "No but I play one on TV" I joked. She looked at me weird. Eh whatever. Zhombie finally called back by this time and wondered why I had called - I told the dude we should go to the Hooters in Neunkirchen to get a bite to eat. I had never been out there before and I had 40 Euro so we could get a plate of hot wings and ogle the waitresses while drinking beer. He was all for it but wanted to go to the gym first and then go back to his place to change. I was cool with it and just decided to chill out. By this time it was like 8pm and he was dragging his fucking heels. I told him to get his ass in gear since I was getting hungry. He does his thing and then volunteers to drive us out there - biggest fucking mistake since he gets lost going there and coming back. On the way there we're listening to the new George Carlin CD he had purchased. Comedy CDs are funny but after you hear them once or twice they lose their value. As a kid I had Cheech & Chong cassettes and the Sheik Yerbouti cassette by Frank Zappa and would grow tired of them. George hits on a few things I've always felt strongly about but no way would I spend money on his new album. After an hour of driving every which way but there, we finally find the goddamned Hooters restaurant. It's located right across the street from a brothel. Prostitution in Germany and other parts of Europe is legal. It is taxed by the government and the women are forced to get quarterly check-ups so then if they do come down with something they can get treated right away. As a result sex crimes in Europe are remarkably lower than they are in the US and the customers know they're getting a quality product. Unforunately I can't visit any due to a recent law under the UCMJ which prohibits all servicemembers from using their services, otherwise I can face up to a year in prison, just for getting my rocks off. Yes, it sounds completely stupid but that's the way the military is being run. Anycase Zhombie and I go into Hooters. Some stupid fucking krauts are standing their with the thumbs up their asses, wondering whether or not they should go in. After finally deciding to leave, I immediately grab the owner's attention and tell him to seat us with no delay. After all I'm starving by this time and I have no tolerance for people who are fucking off. Turns out that there's a 40 minute wait and if we want to come back he'll call us on our cell phone. Pissed off that we got lost and made the trip all the way for nothing, I tell Zhombie that we should go find another place to eat - by now it's practically 10pm. So we go to a gasthaus and eat the shitty traditional German food. Schnitzel, salad and French Fries. I have a Paulaner beer to wash it all down with and then tell Zhombie it's time to get on the road. Had I known that this would've been a wasted trip I would've just stuck to a Doner Kebab shop in Landstuhl instead. Like I said before we start to drive back and we miss all our turn-off ramps, forcing us to double back. By this time it's 11 at night and I'm tired from being so pissed off I just say "fuck it" and go to bed. I wanted to go out drinking afterwards but I just wasn't feeling it. Next time I go to Neunkirchen, I'm driving and we're leaving early. If Zhombie doesn't have his shit together then I leave without him and get to stare at the Hooters waitresses all I want without being interrupted. I just can't go across the street for dessert, that's all.