Dog Shit Water Balloons
I've been pissed off all week at the asshole drivers here in the local area and think it's high time I do something about it. I'm not going to do anything harmful or outright malicious but I will leave a mark if necessary, and I've devised the perfect idea for a weapon.
The Dog Shit Water Balloon
When you were a kid, what were the two most things you were just amazed by? Every time your dog Sparky took a dump in the backyard, you had to go clean it up with a pooper-scooper, and every time you went to go play with your friends on a hot summer day, someone would break out a water balloon eventually and lob it at someone. So why not put 2 + 2 together and make the ultimate prank weapon?
Think about it.
Dog shit has universal application - from doing the "flaming bag of poo" on your front neighbor's doorstep to stepping in it accidentally and tracking it all around your house, it's a substance which has truly yet to be exploited. Just as George Washington Carver devised over 100 uses for the common peanut, yes I, The Machine, will devote my life's work to perfecting an exhaustive study to this truly underappreciated jack-of-all-trades substance. I figure if I can combine equal parts of water and dog turd together to form a liquified mass, I can fill a water balloon with it and use it on some unsuspecting douchebag who cuts me off in traffic next time. Of course I would have to make sure I'm wearing the proper equipment (gloves, goggles, disposable overcoat) as to avoid any accidental discharges, thereby getting splattered.
Since this is extremely low-budget funding, I should be able to pull something like this off. Party balloons usually cost 99 cents a bag, and I think there are a few dog owners I've seen in my village who don't scoop up the dog shit when they're out for a stroll. I've got a tool shed of sorts I can use as a make-shift lab where I can tool about in privacy. If and when I become successful I'll show everyone my handywork here on the blog!
Besides it beats pissing in someone's gas tank and getting caught.
The Dog Shit Water Balloon
When you were a kid, what were the two most things you were just amazed by? Every time your dog Sparky took a dump in the backyard, you had to go clean it up with a pooper-scooper, and every time you went to go play with your friends on a hot summer day, someone would break out a water balloon eventually and lob it at someone. So why not put 2 + 2 together and make the ultimate prank weapon?
Think about it.
Dog shit has universal application - from doing the "flaming bag of poo" on your front neighbor's doorstep to stepping in it accidentally and tracking it all around your house, it's a substance which has truly yet to be exploited. Just as George Washington Carver devised over 100 uses for the common peanut, yes I, The Machine, will devote my life's work to perfecting an exhaustive study to this truly underappreciated jack-of-all-trades substance. I figure if I can combine equal parts of water and dog turd together to form a liquified mass, I can fill a water balloon with it and use it on some unsuspecting douchebag who cuts me off in traffic next time. Of course I would have to make sure I'm wearing the proper equipment (gloves, goggles, disposable overcoat) as to avoid any accidental discharges, thereby getting splattered.
Since this is extremely low-budget funding, I should be able to pull something like this off. Party balloons usually cost 99 cents a bag, and I think there are a few dog owners I've seen in my village who don't scoop up the dog shit when they're out for a stroll. I've got a tool shed of sorts I can use as a make-shift lab where I can tool about in privacy. If and when I become successful I'll show everyone my handywork here on the blog!
Besides it beats pissing in someone's gas tank and getting caught.
posted by Machine at 7:48 AM
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