Stau

Goddammit. One thing I truly hate is being late for work. Mind you, I hate being at work even more, but I hate it when circumstances outside of my control put me at such a disadvantage. Today's rant is about the goddamned traffic going to base in the morning. Traffic jams, commonly known as a stau on German, seem to always happen no matter what time of day it is when I need to be somewhere. This morning I was stuck waiting for 30 fucking minutes and for what? NOTHING. Jeezus Fucking Christ you'd think people would learn how to fucking drive a goddamned car in a somewhat intelligent manner. There was no auto wreck or fucking act of chaos - just people were being complete fuck-tards behind the wheel. So, I've come up with a solution. A remedy to the cause. People hate people who whine and don't have a way to fix the sitch, but I've been thinking about it all day today. We need to develop a shit bomb. Or a shit grenade. The theory behind this is when some fucker pisses you off, you reach into a compartment, roll down your window, and lob a balloon or latex-encoated pile of shit at the offender as you roll by this Darwinian throw-back. And it can be for anything too! Some cunt-flap cuts you off in traffic? Tag the side of the fucker's vehicle with high-end quality feces. And what's even worse is that it will be the ultra-stinky type too. Somehow mix chemicals to where it has the same lasting aroma as a skunk has. Remember when you were a kid and your dog got sprayed by the skunk and how fucking nasty it reeked? Uh huh. Same concept. The said fucker wouldn't be able to get the smell off his car for a week no matter how hard he tried. Or, if some douche-bag is talking on his cell phone, holding things up, bombs away! You can tell how many people are pissed at the guy by how many shit stains are on the back of his SUV. Oh gawd, I would LOVE to tag some of these mini-van driving douche-bag motherfuckers around here too. For the most part I am tolerant of the ass-bags and fuck-holes that inhabit the KMC community, but this morning I just wasn't in the mood. I was pissed off for the rest of the day at work and it wasn't until I could come home and do a power-jerk-off session that I could resume any normal activity. If anyone from the KMC area reads this blog, then I am holding YOU personally responsible for all the shitty driving that goes on - chances are you're the worst offender or know someone who is. So if one day you go outside and find your car smeared in dog shit, you won't have to guess as to why. Now fuck off already and quit causing these goddamned stau!