Educated Horses

What. The. Fuck. More importantly I should be asking what the fuck is Rob Zombie thinking with this new album of his? He's gone SOFT on us all! Jeezus Fucking Christ! I picked up the CD today from the Vogelweh BX and thought I had lucked out since it was the last one on the shelf and could hardly wait to take it back to work so I could crank the fucker up and scare everyone out of my office. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ~ ! Well I couldn't be further from the truth. As soon as I get back, I tear apart the cheap plastic shrink-wrap and throw it in to my computer and turn up the speakers on my POS government computer to get.......THIS. The MISSING GODDAMNED ALLMAN BROTHER. I mean what the fuck, over? Dude, you do NOT KNOW how DISAPPOINTED I was to hear this piece of shit CD. Ever since Revolver Magazine mentioned that a new CD was going to come out this year back in January, I've been eagerly anticipating its release. It's all mellow with the exception of one or two songs. It sounds like he's taken the whole 70's thing way too far and now he's even trying write a 70's album. It was cool with House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. If you've ever read any of the comic books Rob Zombie has illustrated such as The Nail, you'll know that he's really a Groovy Ghoulie at heart but fuck me running! Has getting married to Sherry Moon turned him into some kind of undead wuss? I should've known something was up when the album cover is a dead give away since he looks "normal" for a change. This is like being stuck with a PG-13 version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something. It's HORRIBLE. Rob Zombie owes all his fans a huge apology on this one. I don't know what the fuck he was thinking, but someone else that I used to enjoy listening to did the same thing: THIS FAGGOT. I was equally disappointed when BECK pulled this shit on his listeners too with his Sea Changes album. What happens? His girlfriend dumps his ass and we end up having to pay the price for it. 70 minutes of whining and kvetching and fucking no rest for the wicked. PLEASE - someone give him a razor blade next time he becomes this way and you'll do us all a favor. I mean, Radiohead really gets on my fucking nerves, but this album really takes the cake! When I was stationed in Japan, he toured Tokyo in 2002 and NO WAY was I going to see him in concert after him pulling that bullshit. I don't care how good a performer is live, when you cross that line with me, I won't go out of my way to see you. I've crossed oceans to see Black Label Society perform live because Zakk Wylde is that fucking good! He gets his audience pumped and doesn't drone on about his problems. Listen Beck, if you're reading this blog - write your fucking cry-baby songs and keep those private - even the strongest weep, but only when nobody is around. Goddammit - I don't want to pay my hard earned cash to listen to your fucking therapy session - I wanna party, have a good time, and forget about all the bullshit on my mind for the moment. Midnight Vultures was the shit and I played that to no end! You as an entertainer have that responsibility to your audience, and the same goes for you too Mr Rob Starkey. None of this fucking mellow shit! Luckily for Beck, I view Guero as his apology for making us endure his shit during his Prozac shortage. Next time switch to Zoloft and you'll regain your balance. Anycase not to chase a rabbit, but after hearing the CD once I put it back in its jewel case and let Zhombie borrow it to listen for the weekend, I was that pissed. Listen kids, unless you're in a mellow 70's kinda mood, skip Educated Horses all together. The one or two kick ass songs don't make up for the rest of the crap. If marriage makes a hard-core Satanist like Rob Zombie become Mr Mellow Yellow, then forget it - I'll stick to beer and porn.