Banana Peels
If it's one thing I hate in this world, it's bananas.
They stink when you peel them and after you eat them, you get this disgusting after-taste that you burp up for the rest of the day. Let a banana peel sit out in the hot sun and the stench is unbearable - this disgustingly sweet pungent odor that makes me wanna hurl worse than being stuck on the Number 8 Kunsan bus when it's full of hot, sweaty Koreans that had just finished eating garlic and kimchi. I discovered early as a child my disgust with this fruit and avoid anything remotely connected to it.
So it seems that no matter where I go, there's always some ass-bag I work with who loves to eat these goddamned things, and then throw them in my garbage can just before walking away. It doesn't matter if this person has a foreknowledge of my disdain or not, they do it subconsciously.
Today my supervisor did that to me at work. She peeled a banana and then threw the fucking peel in my trash can. I was fucking pissed. I had yelled at Enrique previously not to do such shit, and automatically assumed it was him upon discovering this putrid thing within the vicinity of my desk space. A co-worker I'll call "Cletus" said it wasn't him but it was my boss instead. So, I swapped out garbage cans and then gave her shit about it when I saw her next.
When I was stationed in Japan, it seemed my co-workers there loved to taunt me with the shit. At first I would tell them to knock it off, only they found it funny and continued to do it. So, I upped the ante at first by swapping out the garbage cans as already mentioned, and when that didn't work, went to more serious methods to get my point across. One time I took the banana peel out of the garbage can and put it on the fucker's keyboard and then walked back off to resume what I was doing (surfing the net and fucking off). He threw the fucking peel back at me, and then I knew it was on. The very next time he did it, I took the peel and placed it on his bald fucking head as he was working at his desk and stormed off. You fucking push my buttons, and I smash yours. Fair is fair.
The Dead Milkmen wrote a song about smoking banana peels ages ago. Allegedly some assholes at Berkley discovered trace amounts of THC inside the banana peel and every stoner and brain-fried hippy alike thought they could get enough if they dried them out and ground them into a powder form, thinking since bananas are a legal substance there would be no recourse. Of course this was complete bullshit but at the time people were actually convinced it could work. Yet another reason why I hate bananas. (Dammit why couldn't God give us a fucking break from these fuck-wit bureaucrats and law-enforcers?)
Anycase the bottom line is that I will never eat banana pudding or a banana split or any kind of mixed drink or candy or whatever. I hate everything about bananas (with the exception of watching a hot chick do a banana trick) and if all the banana crops in the world were mysteriously wiped out overnight, I'd party like a fucking rock star. Yes, I am that lame but fuck you - I don't care!
They stink when you peel them and after you eat them, you get this disgusting after-taste that you burp up for the rest of the day. Let a banana peel sit out in the hot sun and the stench is unbearable - this disgustingly sweet pungent odor that makes me wanna hurl worse than being stuck on the Number 8 Kunsan bus when it's full of hot, sweaty Koreans that had just finished eating garlic and kimchi. I discovered early as a child my disgust with this fruit and avoid anything remotely connected to it.
So it seems that no matter where I go, there's always some ass-bag I work with who loves to eat these goddamned things, and then throw them in my garbage can just before walking away. It doesn't matter if this person has a foreknowledge of my disdain or not, they do it subconsciously.
Today my supervisor did that to me at work. She peeled a banana and then threw the fucking peel in my trash can. I was fucking pissed. I had yelled at Enrique previously not to do such shit, and automatically assumed it was him upon discovering this putrid thing within the vicinity of my desk space. A co-worker I'll call "Cletus" said it wasn't him but it was my boss instead. So, I swapped out garbage cans and then gave her shit about it when I saw her next.
When I was stationed in Japan, it seemed my co-workers there loved to taunt me with the shit. At first I would tell them to knock it off, only they found it funny and continued to do it. So, I upped the ante at first by swapping out the garbage cans as already mentioned, and when that didn't work, went to more serious methods to get my point across. One time I took the banana peel out of the garbage can and put it on the fucker's keyboard and then walked back off to resume what I was doing (surfing the net and fucking off). He threw the fucking peel back at me, and then I knew it was on. The very next time he did it, I took the peel and placed it on his bald fucking head as he was working at his desk and stormed off. You fucking push my buttons, and I smash yours. Fair is fair.
The Dead Milkmen wrote a song about smoking banana peels ages ago. Allegedly some assholes at Berkley discovered trace amounts of THC inside the banana peel and every stoner and brain-fried hippy alike thought they could get enough if they dried them out and ground them into a powder form, thinking since bananas are a legal substance there would be no recourse. Of course this was complete bullshit but at the time people were actually convinced it could work. Yet another reason why I hate bananas. (Dammit why couldn't God give us a fucking break from these fuck-wit bureaucrats and law-enforcers?)
Anycase the bottom line is that I will never eat banana pudding or a banana split or any kind of mixed drink or candy or whatever. I hate everything about bananas (with the exception of watching a hot chick do a banana trick) and if all the banana crops in the world were mysteriously wiped out overnight, I'd party like a fucking rock star. Yes, I am that lame but fuck you - I don't care!
posted by Machine at 8:27 PM
7 Comments:
Hippies trying to get high from smoking banana peels reminds me of a cartoon I saw in Mad magazine many years ago. In it a hippie is frying a banana peel (I guess to prepare it for smoking) and starts walking across the kitchen and slips on another banana peel, hits his head and starts tripping... That's probably about as close to getting high from a banana peel as you'll get
Oh wow. I am really tempted to send you a banana themed care package now. Haha.
http://www.ukartsncrafts.com/yabb/YaBBImages/smilies/banana.gif
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Wow you really do hate bananas!! I can't wait to mail you something :)
So all the bitches should send me a photograph of them doing the banana trick, to help me overcome my loathing of the fruit. Put THAT in the care package!
Haha actually, while eating my morning banana yesterday, I snapped a pic with my camera phone. I need to upload it.
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