The Short Bus Mafia rotation diet
For the past month and a half I've been going to gym 5 days week. From lifting weights to running and doing other forms of aerobic activity, I've managed to lose an inch and a half already from my waist. Considering I'm built like a brick shit house to begin with, this is really a good thing for me.
Not only that, but I am continually having to watch what I eat too since this new Air Force fitness standard has us all looking like fucking super-models and Calvin Klein posterboys. Gone are the alcohol and cigarettes. Gone are the 2-liter bottles of Coke and Pepsi. Potato chips, cookies, M&M's, Popeye's chicken and BBQ are all on the back-burner, and now replaced with carrots, tuna, rice and greens.
I'm fucking dying here people.
I have a shitload of alcohol sitting in my fridge that I'm reluctant to touch because my commander is scrutinizing everything I put into my mouth now. The fact I am a slow runner as well counts double against me on this new fitness test. Our fitness monitor is more like a fucking Nazi when he makes his morning rounds too. He will make sure you do all your push-ups and sit-ups properly when you are taking the test. This guy must not have a real life or something - he takes this shit way to seriously.
When I go to Japan next month for some much needed R&R, the last thing on my mind is going to be watching what I eat. I do enough of that here already. A real man loves to eat red meat and words like cholesterol and heart disease aren't a part of his vocabulary. Alcohol is his friend, as are cigarettes, not crap like Aqua Fina or wheat germ. Considering the military is based on fighting and winning, how can we as a nation consider ourselves to be threatening to our enemies when our people resemble someone from the front cover of Runner's World magazine? Besides the majority of Air Force people are built big anyways!
Do you see what I am getting at here?
Our grandparents' generation is considered to be the "Greatest Generation" that has ever lived. More men lived and died fighting in World War II than any of our previous and current conflicts. These men smoked, drank, cursed up a storm and fucked whatever indigenous women they could get their hands on. They weren't concerned about looking like some posterboy for the world to see, since their actions spoke louder than anything else. General Patton didn't give two shits whether or not his men could run a mile and a half in under 10 minutes, or if they all had a 32 inch waistline either. What mattered to him was whether or not these guys would put metal on target and give the Japs and the Gerrys Hell. "If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."
In today's society with everything being so blatantly artificial, all we have to rely on are looks and image to justify what it is we do, before the public. While I look 10 times better now compared to how I looked a year ago, I think the Air Force has it all wrong and should be more on-line with the Army or Marines - so long as you can pull your buddies out of direct fire once they get hit, that's what counts. More importantly, fitness shouldn't be viewed as being a chore but instead should be lauded with down-days and other rewards.
With the Global War on Terrorism going in full swing, I don't think Habib the Crazy Terrorist is going to care whether or not I got a passing score on my fitness test when he's firing an RPG my direction. And chances are I won't give two shits either since I'll be the fastest person this side of the globe to run like Hell to take cover! So let people tank up on chips and beer! Let people eat BBQ ribs smothered in sauce - those fucking MRE's are far more damaging in the long run!
Not only that, but I am continually having to watch what I eat too since this new Air Force fitness standard has us all looking like fucking super-models and Calvin Klein posterboys. Gone are the alcohol and cigarettes. Gone are the 2-liter bottles of Coke and Pepsi. Potato chips, cookies, M&M's, Popeye's chicken and BBQ are all on the back-burner, and now replaced with carrots, tuna, rice and greens.
I'm fucking dying here people.
I have a shitload of alcohol sitting in my fridge that I'm reluctant to touch because my commander is scrutinizing everything I put into my mouth now. The fact I am a slow runner as well counts double against me on this new fitness test. Our fitness monitor is more like a fucking Nazi when he makes his morning rounds too. He will make sure you do all your push-ups and sit-ups properly when you are taking the test. This guy must not have a real life or something - he takes this shit way to seriously.
When I go to Japan next month for some much needed R&R, the last thing on my mind is going to be watching what I eat. I do enough of that here already. A real man loves to eat red meat and words like cholesterol and heart disease aren't a part of his vocabulary. Alcohol is his friend, as are cigarettes, not crap like Aqua Fina or wheat germ. Considering the military is based on fighting and winning, how can we as a nation consider ourselves to be threatening to our enemies when our people resemble someone from the front cover of Runner's World magazine? Besides the majority of Air Force people are built big anyways!
Do you see what I am getting at here?
Our grandparents' generation is considered to be the "Greatest Generation" that has ever lived. More men lived and died fighting in World War II than any of our previous and current conflicts. These men smoked, drank, cursed up a storm and fucked whatever indigenous women they could get their hands on. They weren't concerned about looking like some posterboy for the world to see, since their actions spoke louder than anything else. General Patton didn't give two shits whether or not his men could run a mile and a half in under 10 minutes, or if they all had a 32 inch waistline either. What mattered to him was whether or not these guys would put metal on target and give the Japs and the Gerrys Hell. "If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."
In today's society with everything being so blatantly artificial, all we have to rely on are looks and image to justify what it is we do, before the public. While I look 10 times better now compared to how I looked a year ago, I think the Air Force has it all wrong and should be more on-line with the Army or Marines - so long as you can pull your buddies out of direct fire once they get hit, that's what counts. More importantly, fitness shouldn't be viewed as being a chore but instead should be lauded with down-days and other rewards.
With the Global War on Terrorism going in full swing, I don't think Habib the Crazy Terrorist is going to care whether or not I got a passing score on my fitness test when he's firing an RPG my direction. And chances are I won't give two shits either since I'll be the fastest person this side of the globe to run like Hell to take cover! So let people tank up on chips and beer! Let people eat BBQ ribs smothered in sauce - those fucking MRE's are far more damaging in the long run!
posted by Machine at 10:42 PM
4 Comments:
can I carry your bags back to Japan???
Popeyes. I can't touch that shit now because I ate it so often in Korea. It was just so easy to dial up Popeyes delivery while hung over! And hangovers were every day!
oh hey, I have this book called "Life. Get One." and it has the Happy Bunnies in them (I LOVE them btw) anyway, on one page it shows one of the bunnies looking like he just ran a marathon and the quote says "Exercise Hard. Eat Right. Die Anyway."
This is totally true!! And I want this on a poster for my room at Osan. :)
Yeah Popeye's now delivers here too. I don't touch their stuff usually either. All that's about to change when I go back to Misawa next month! Sin sin sin! Yay Sin!
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