Death Metal Easter Part 2

So I had about 5 beers in me and had been watching South Park before I recieved the knock on the door to go to church. I figure if I was going to deal with the whole weepy Easter Sunday crowd, I need something to take the edge off, and what better way than to drink some Amstel Light while watching Cartman rip on some Jews? The perfect solution for the upcoming hour and a half.

Melanie and the girls looked fine. I made sure I looked very nice too. I was wearing a black collared shirt with some kind of palm tree-looking design, olive drab Dockers and black low quarters, with my hair spiked. I also had my Thor's Hammer necklace visibly around my neck with my pentagram tucked beneath my shirt. No way was I going to let that baby become exposed. I figure with the Thor's Hammer I was paying homage to my ancestors that suffered persecution under the Roman Empire's canonization of Pagan Europe. It was also a reminder to the few Christians (if any) that truly understand their holiday is a "borrowed" holiday, based on the Spring Equinox. That's why Easter falls on a different month every year. But I wasn't going to cause a scene with my friends.

Slowly people started filling in and this one girl I tried slapping skins with is sitting in front of me with her supervisor, a few pews ahead. As a joke, one of Melanie's friends, Andrea, says to me "Oh there's your favorite woman! Why don't you go sit with her?" to which I reply "What? And forsake my affection for Melanie?" in a half-joking manner. That pissed her off. Apparently my humor doesn't go over well in church despite the fact I am sitting in back with the sinners, not saying anything remotely blasphemous.

Well the sermon was the usual story about Jesus rising from the dead and how people shouldn't give in to their doubts. It was an uplifting message to the people who truly needed to hear it, and to Melanie as well. The preacher hit on a few things that I've been telling her all this time (ironically enough) about not being so pessimistic and being more upbeat about things. Well her idiot friend again gets pissed again when I lean over and give her a big cheesey smile. She also got pissed when I wanted to share her Bible with her and was a royal fucking cunt the entire evening.

But the best part came after the sermon just as everybody was leaving. "You're such an ass" she said to me "You need to watch your comments about Melanie. You don't need to give her all sorts of shit because she's not talking to you at work."

I looked at her somewhat stunned that she would say something like that in front of some total strangers, however given the caliber of Melanie's friends, it doesn't surprise me. Andrea has always been on the shallow end of the gene pool from what I gather. But why call me out on some imagined bullshit outside the church doors for everyone to hear? Jeezus Fucking Christ! Have some discretion!

"Look, I was joking when I said that earlier tonight because you told me to go sit with Ashley. I say stuff like that all the time."

"Bullshit you weren't joking! You meant what you were saying."

"Listen you don't know the discussions Melanie and I have, so you need to get your facts straight."

"Well even if you were joking, it could appear to be inappropriate to someone looking in."

I hesitated for a moment and thought about where this could go, and how things were looking. If anything, I don't want to dig myself a hole in front of these morons.

"You're right about that, but you and I know that's not the case. But still, I appreciate you kindly reminding me. Thank you."

I can only imagine what the Jeezus freaks were thinking what had taken place between this half-wit and myself. I didn't want to create a scene, so I just diffused things quickly and on the spot. Like Hell if I'm going to let some fucking cunt ruin my career, just because she's PMS'ing or whatever. Forget about the whole thing and never bring it up again, that's the best way to go about it.

I've dealt with some real assholes in my time - from my first supervisor to the religious asshole that tried tacking me with a Human Relations complaint when I worked in DC to this current idiot. The problem is a fuck-wit will always be a fuck-wit, and Andrea is no exception to the rule. I figure with 90-some-odd days left in this backwater shit hole, just play it cool around her and let things be. No need to throw away all the hard work I've done keeping myself out of trouble this long.

Melanie finally came out and I told her I was glad to see she got some answers she needed to hear, to which she replied "Those answers were for you".

Uh, no.

"I invited you to church in hopes you'd change your mind about God and religion."

"I came simply because you asked me to attend."

"Well you needed to hear that more than I did."

"..........."

Instead of causing another scene just right after the stupid debate with Andrea, I would just shut the fuck up and call it an evening.

"I need to go home and do some laundry." I said, which is true. I have laundry that needs to be folded and put away. From there I excused myself despite the fact my blood was still boiling from dealing with Andrea.

You know, I am reluctant to cast stones at the Christians and reluctant to cast stones at friends when they decide to call me on some shit, either real or imagined. I would like to think at the very least I listen to what they have to say before I react or say something. But if tonight was an indication of the bullshit that's in store for me with these girls, then I'll just shut the fuck up and not say another goddamned thing to them until I leave this place. I'll be friendly and courteous but I won't engage them or entertain their stupidity. Sorry but no piece of pussy is worth that bullshit. I'll stick to internet porn and my imagination if that's what it takes. Better safe than sorry.

So, knowing how Andrea reacts and runs her mouth and how Melanie can't hold her fucking tongue, I'll consider her to be off-limits until such the time presents itself that I believe it's safe again to try getting a booty-call outta her. This place is a fucking fish bowl (more like a shark tank) and that's bad enough.

On a lighter note, I did see some other hot chicks I wouldn't mind getting to know better. But as always, I will approach with caution since all it takes is just one stupid cunt to scream "rape" or "sexual harassment" before the whole damn thing comes crashing down and you have every dickhead up your ass and breathing down your collar wanting to make an example out of you. I swear, every time I return here, I shave 5 years off my life in one way or another.

Happy Fucking Easter you assholes.