The Bad-Ass Bible

Most guys are pussies.

Myself included.

We are not a generation of men, but a generation of boys raised by our mothers. Our real fathers abandoned us and left them to do the job. Tyler Durden's character from the movie Fight Club said something along these lines and they are words that are ever so painfully true. With the exception of perhaps Marines and Special Forces people such as Navy Seals, Green Berets, and Air Force Para-Rescue, the majority of the male population have no right to consider themselves as "men".

Thankfully, there is a solution! I give to you The Bad-Ass Bible - America's last attempt at restoring masculinity to an otherwise effeminate and weakened male population. Hemingway would be proud if he were alive, as would The Duke too. Clint Eastwood is still alive and kicking, but chances are he secretly laments what our country has become, thanks to the goddamned femin-nazis and Politically Correct fascists. Yes, it's truly a sad day when a man can no longer stare at a pair of titties, drink beer, or smoke in public, and it's all because of the people we put in power. We only have ourselves to blame for this mess, and frankly it's getting worse. Perhaps it's just not too late with the help of this bad-boy.

It starts out with the Bad-Ass Basics, redefining what every Bad-Ass instinctively knows, yet the rest of us never had the chance to learn. It has the Bad-Ass 10 Commandments which every guy should adhere to if he has any sense of the word "dignity" left in him. From Commandment #1 - Thou shalt assume the worst in every man and the best of every woman to Commandment # 10 - Thou shalt never use anesthsia, pain killers, or crutches, these are the ground rules every man should take to heart and apply. My fave commandment is #8 - Thou shalt not remove or alter a tattoo - You made your mistake. Now live with it. How much more needs to be said about that?

From there it goes into simple, yet commonly overlooked things like how a Bad-Ass is supposed to walk, how he dresses, and even includes a quick history lesson with the greatest Bad-Asses of all time - from Ghengis Khan to Marion "Suge" Knight. Frankly General Patton and Ernest Hemingway are my favorites, but I suppose for a basic book, this definitely gets the point across. The book includes what constitutes Bad-Ass tattoo art, Bad-Ass jobs, Bad-Ass movies and tunes of all time, and yes, Bad-Ass Sex. When it comes to being a Bad-Ass, no topic is too sacred or taboo, and this book covers it all. After all, a Bad-Ass is afraid of nothing.

I enjoy the fact there are books like this on the open market, even if the majority of them are taken with a grain of salt. While I'm not some rugged mountain man that can wrestle a grizzly bear or some martial arts master who can pound nails with his bare fists, I would like to think this gets people like myself and the majority of other guys out there in the right mindset when dealing with life and all the bullshit it throws us. Ladies, if you have any ounce of respect for the guy you're with, get him this book the next time you want to buy him something special as a treat. Include it in a bottle of Jack Daniels, or his fave 6 pack of beer. Hell, get him a case instead and make it required reading. Mandatory homework. It will be the best thing you've ever done for your relationship.