Death Cigarettes

These are Death Cigarettes.

By far the COOLEST FUCKING THINGS ON THE PLANET.

I don't smoke but when I was living in Japan, I saw these at the Hachinohe Fish Market for sale and had to pick up a pack or 2 just for the shock value. From what I gather, they're marketed primarily in Europe and have quite a strong customer base, if these things are being imported to Japan.

The warning on the side reads:

"Manufacturer's Advice - Cigarettes are addictive and debilitating. If you don't smoke, don't start". A pretty straight forward and common sense approach, if you ask me. But the really funny stuff is directly on the back:

"A pack of DEATH cigarettes leaves no doubt as to the risks of smoking. We don't print a health warning just because it's the law. We believe in telling the truth. You know the risks and it's your choice. DEATH is a responsible way to market a legally available consumer product which kills people when used exactly as intended. DEATH CIGARETTES - For an honest smoke."

I love truth in advertising. You can't fucking argue that you didn't know any better after reading the warning and still used it anyways. My grandfather died from smoking-related causes (emphysema) but yet I don't hold RJ Reynolds or the other tobacco firms responsible since he was a very capable man who took accountability for his own actions instead of pointing fingers at some Boogey-Man corporation. I believe that everything you put into your body has an affect one way or another, and despite these goddamned health freaks running around telling people not to eat, drink, and be merry, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ANYWAYS so why not enjoy life to its fullest? I would much rather live to the age of 40 drinking and partying and having sex with complete strangers than to live to 80 and suffer all the chronic diseases that accompany aging - glaucoma, obesity, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, and whatever ailments our aging population is draining Social Security with. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a rest home and having to rely on some care-taker to change my diaper or to feed me. Fuck that. Let me go out in a blaze of glory, please!

Like I said before, I don't smoke but looking at these little bastards makes me wonder if I should. I've tried smoking before and it's just not my style for some reason. Knowing my luck I would get hooked on DEATH and then when I couldn't find any more I'd just quit cold turkey like it was no big deal anyways. Once I get to Germany I'll see whether or not the tobacco shops carry them or not. Just what I need - another vice ~! >:)