White Chocolate and Baby Phat

Jeezus Fucking Christ.

What is this world coming to?

Goddammit, I swear. Since when did it become fashionable for white people to fake the funk and act like they're black?

I saw this couple the other day on base, and since I didn't have my camera with me, this crappy drawing will have to suffice. Sorry, Crazy Girl.

I'll refer to them as "White Chocolate" and "Baby Phat" for the simple reason this Ebonics-hungry couple were truly living a stereo-type they could never hope to be a part of. The "Beavis" of the couple had the words "White Chocolate" tattooed on his forearm as a badge of honor, as if saying despite his WASP suburban upbringing and formal education, he was made a token hood rat at one point or another - most likely when he heard his first Insane Clown Posse CD at the age of 14, and instantaneously realized that dressing like a jackass was his life's ambition. The "Butthead" of the two was trailer park trash-turned-wanna be fly girl was just as ghetto-fabulous, despite having grown up in Kentucky and going to tractor pulls on a Saturday night, but most likely had her first exposure to the black sub-culture when arriving to Boot Camp. I refer to her as "Baby Phat" because she was wearing an Apple Bottoms outfit despite lacking the booty-licious figure (she had the typical white-girl ass) to go along with it. I was waiting for them to start going "Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh" at any moment, they were such cartoon characters.

It seems the Army gets a huge influx of these types of people, and the fact we trust these people with rifles and tanks scares me. Now I understand we can't all be rock stars and Harvard graduates and that even the less-desirables in society can become part of a collective whole if they choose to apply themselves, which is what we have here. Hell, I'm no scholar by any stretch of the imagination but at the very least when I talk with people, I try to come across half-way intelligent and speak common English instead of faux Ebonics. You will never hear me utter phrases like "Fo shizzle mah nizzle", "Holla", or whatever the fuck it is the thug culture dictates to be cool and their ilk blindly follow. My family doesn't have slave roots nor did they ever own slaves at one point so for me to speak with a slave dialect would be just as absurd as me trying to speak with a British dialect.

Still, I fail to see what it is that compels today's youth to wear their pants with their ass-crack showing, a side-ways "Ballas" cap on with a doo-rag beneath it, and some goofy looking necklace that's supposed to be "bling", and think it's all cool. While I don't go much into his teachings here, Anton LaVey placed the importance of image in his writings before he died, only when he originally penned them, he was slamming hippies and the types that wore gas station-attendant fashion, thinking it was chic. Had he lived to see what the "social norm" amongst the younger generation today is, he would definitely shit his pants. Hell, he's probably turning in his grave as I write this, as his view from the Underworld has given him a clearer view of the events happening here on Earth.

Ultimately what I fail to understand is how the military will condone such a lifestyle of ignorance and blatant stupidity, yet force the double-standard on me when I wear a Slayer t-shirt in public. I've had countless Senior NCOs and officers alike tell me they didn't like what I was wearing, yet didn't talk to the wanna-be rap star thug standing next to me wearing FUBU out of fear of having the race card pulled on their asses. As much as the military harps on Equal Opportunity and "zero tolerance" when it comes to discrimination (bwa ha ha ha - yeah right), I've gotten more shit being a professing Satanist than I've seen people get shit for using the "N" word within perfect earshot of leadership. As a result, I've kept any occult references out of the office and away from eyesight generally speaking since it's not worth the hassle, yet call people on their bullshit when they scream they're being singled-out or targeted because of whatever "ethic observation" isn't being obliged. It's primarily the Muslims in the military that do this, but hey - I'll stick to being vague for this blog's purpose since I've seen essentially every group do this at one point in my career or another.

In the end, you get what you give, and if people like "White Chocolate" and "Baby Phat" are America's answer to Homeland Security then forget about it - I feel safer with the 3 Stooges as ranking 4-star generals than I do giving these half-wits live ammo and telling them to go hunt down Habib the Crazy Terrorist. Someone's likely to shoot their eye out, and it won't be the enemy.