Fuck Match.com

Fuck Match.com.

If you're anything like me, your dating life sucks and you'll do practically anything to meet someone with less emotional damage than you, only you've started to run out of options the older you get. You've used these fuckers because you've fallen prey to their snake-oil and silver-tongued promises of finding people on line with similar interests, in hopes of getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend. While I've spoken about these carpet-baggers and charlatans here previously, I feel I need to dedicate a blog piece all together to why I despise these assholes.

Now, I sent in the photo of me and Courtney to be used on my profile there. It's the same photo that I posted from the previous entry. We're both hammered and I'm sticking my tongue out while giving the sign of the Devil. I figured that it's cheesey and outright stupid, but you can find low-brow humor in it and get the idea I like to go out and have fun. The people at Match have certain guidelines to be used when posting photos of yourself and for the most part they seem to be pretty reasonable:

"Be creative
Feel free to submit artistic photos (i.e. sepia tones, colorization, etc.). Go classic and try black and white photography.

Keep it fresh
Upload recent photos of yourself. Otherwise, dates will notice a difference when you meet.

Don't upload a drawing or a copyrighted image
Caricatures, drawings or other illustrations will not be accepted. Also do not send images that feature celebrities, cartoon characters or other copyrighted work.

No "racy" photos
Our customer care team will evaluate your photos to make certain that they're not too suggestive or explicit. Don't show too much skin. Photos with nudity or sheer, or otherwise "see-through," material below the waist will be rejected.

No kids–only photos
You can include pictures of yourself with your children, but please don't submit photos of them by themselves. After all, they've got to be 18 to post a profile!"

Okay. I've met all the criteria listed for their rules on posting a photograph. Right?

Wrong.

I get a generic, blanket-generated e-mail from these fuckers yesterday which says the following:

"Dear Machine,

We apologize but at this time we are unable to add the photo you submitted to your profile. Please submit another photo or crop yours to meet the following guidelines:

FOR YOUR PRIMARY PHOTO
- Your face must be visible (no sunglasses, both eyes must be visible)
- No nudity, sheer or otherwise "see-through" material
- No drawings, caricatures or other illustrations
- No copyrighted images

FOR OTHER PHOTOS
- No nudity, sheer or otherwise "see-through" material
- No copyrighted images

We will not post any photo we feel is too suggestive or explicit.

We encourage you to submit a new photo. Members with photos receive up to seven times more responses than those who go without photos."

Okay. Maybe I am some retard but tell me HOW in the Hell this photo violates their Christian Conservative guidelines for what is and isn't appropriate?



I fired back an e-mail to them wanting to know WHAT was exactly "inappropriate" with the picture?

"So what DOES exactly constitute an "appropriate" photo? Aside from sticking my tongue out and making the Devil sign, I don't see anything "inappropriate" with my picture. Please be specific instead of sending out the generic, blanket e-mail as to what is so wrong with this photo."

Well, that must've pissed off whoever works behind the terminal on the other end because technically I was right and there was nothing they could say about it. It's not like I'm grabbing Courtney by her tits or I'm shoving my tongue down her throat - I'm just acting like a drunk retard! Instead they fire yet ANOTHER generic blanket e-mail my way saying it's approved, but under the certain conditions:

"You cannot make this photo your primary photo for one of the following reasons:
• You do not appear in the photo (sunglasses not allowed in primary photos)
• We cannot tell who you are in a group photo
• When cropped, your face will be too small to be used in search results"

Well Duh.....I DO appear in the photo, you can tell who I am since I don't have tits, and I already did the honors of cropping the photo for those morons. The same asshole probably knew I was right, only didn't want Match to get the reputation of catering to losers, jack-asses, and dim-wits like myself. Instead, they want to give the perception that only Christian Conservative, Beautiful People with 6-figure income salaries use their services, and the rest of us have no business knocking down their door - the mere fact they're allowing me to be seen there is them doing me a favor beyond my wildest dreams. How lucky am I.

I hate these fuckers with a passion and refuse to give them my money. It's that simple. Yes, money talks and bullshit walks, but LACK of money talks also. I'm curious how many people have used Match to find someone, only to have a terrible experience afterwards? If anyone here has their own stories to share or knows of someone, please fire them my way - I'd love to throw some mud in their eye.