Drunk Dials part 2

This is Soju. It is the enemy. I had 3 of these babies last night, as I was mentioning, and then went out drinking some more after I had called Sabrina. I tried calling Amanda once again after I came home but there was still no answer. It would've been funnier had someone given me a bogus number to call, like the number to Domino's Pizza or even funnier, Alcoholics Anonymous. I could see it just now:

"Hello, Alcoholics Anonymous"

"Hey this is Machine. You fuckers wanna talk to me while I'm drunk?"

"We're here to provide assistance for people who wish to recover from alcoholism"

"Heh. Who says I have a problem? The only problem I seem to have is that I can't get LAID every time I go out to party, so can you guys help me with that?"

"No, we don't offer that kind of support for our guests, however we do allow them to confront other personal issues regarding their drinking habits."

"Cool, so I can show up like that dude from Fight Club and cry on Bob with the Bitch-tits, right?"


"........click..........."

Since I'm dialing internationally it's not like they can trace my call and get the phone police on my ass or anything and I seriously doubt that Korea Telecom would care whether or not some drunk jackass is using their service to prank call people from half way across the world!

I tried Drunk Dialing Crazy Girl, only I got her goddamned voice mail! Argh! This has been the second time this has happened so I figured I would be funny and leave her a voice mail worthy of remembering:

"Ehm......this is Farouk.......Lebanese Lover Boy.....I am LEBANESE LOVER BOY!............I see you on the internet......how do you say........allahughsabellahefsallah......MY SPACE! Yes, on the My Space.........I want to make you part of harem.....I want to make.......hot...sweaty.......love......to you.....like camel.....CAMEL!!!!!......so you call me......Farouk.....LEBANESE LOVER BOY......!"

I figured Crazy Girl would either laugh or tell me to fuck off by now but she hasn't so I suppose this is just as entertaining for her as it is for me.

The rest of the night was a blur, with me returning home around 2am and puking the 3 bottles of Soju and 7 shots of Apfel-korn I had done all up in succession. Sweet Porcelain Goddess was being worshipped Pagan ritualistically before making it to my bed to sleep the remainder of what alcohol I had soaked into my system off.

Now I don't know but I had a really fucked up dream it seems from the Soju. I dreamt a group of people had ripped me off in some way and I was looking to even the score. I started out with a standard revolver and went into their house to take care of business. I caught them completely off-guard and with each person I had murdered, I took their weapon and used it against the next person I was out for revenge with. I went from revolver to 44 Magnum to .45 ACP to shotgun in this dream and turned the house into a giant fucking blood bath.

But this is where it gets weird - after I had all killed them, their souls were still roaming the house and that's when I immediately used my knowledge as a Satanist to call up some demons to come grab their souls and drag them off to the Infernal regions below. Their ghosts started running like hell when they saw what was happening but nothing could save them once I had finished my incantation. Maybe it's good I don't drink Soju all that often?

I hope more people that read this site give me the opportunity to drunk dial them. Like I said before, it doesn't cost you anything since I use a calling card back to the States and my time is your time. Talk for 5 minutes, talk for half an hour, it's all good.

Finally as a treat, here's a pic of me and Courtney last night. I was tanked by then so I wasn't feeling a thing. Looking on my camera, I have some photos of people I have no idea who the fuck they are! What a night.