Food Poisoning and my Trip to the Landstuhl E.R.
Things were going pretty well this weekend until Monday when I was hit with a bout of food poisoning. It was really nothing at first until 1am the following morning I was shitting my guts out on the 4th floor commode. Fucking Christ.
I had eaten some tuna fish earlier that day and think that is what probably did it, since that is the only meat in my diet. Unless I am home on leave trashing my diet, I usually stick to tuna, rice, and assorted vegetables like carrots and green peas as my main staple. Anyhow, I went to bed around 10pm watching The Three Amigos on the movie channel, feeling somewhat crampy and figured it was from the running I had done recently. No big deal. I quickly dozed off to sleep without a care.
Around 1am I was rudely awaken, running to the bathroom easily 2 - 3 times throughout the hour, paying homage to the porcelain goddess through fecal atonements, while praying that whatever it was that was afflicting me would quickly pass. So was not the case. I ended calling a co-worker to take me to the Landstuhl E.R. as soon as the sun came up, so I could take care of this shit once and for all - pun completely intended.
My co-worker who we will call "Barbie" since she lacks looks and personality (read:Sarcasm), shows up late since she decided to first stop at the Vogelweh Shoppette to get some coffee and forgot her ID card at the cash register. Waitaminnut. I'm shitting my guts out and ready to puke and you're more concerned about getting a goddamned cuppa Joe? FUCK ME RUNNING! Remind me to never call you for anything else again, especially if I am on my death bed, you twat! Fucking Christ!
Well, after we go back to retrieve her ID card, we make it to the Landstuhl E.R., only I have to walk about 50 yards to make it to the front door, and she offers no assistance whatsoever. I'm barely on both feet and not so much an arm to brace me with or a wheel chair. I can tell that working with Barbie is going to prove to be a royal bitch in the weeks and months to come, providing one of us doesn't get a clue first, and I'm thinking it's her. Anycase, I make it to the E.R. where they get me taken care of and throw an IV in my arm with some Phenergan to zonk me the fuck out. By now I had a Class 1 raging headache from being so dehydrated, the only thing I wanted to do was to vege out on some good shit. Some chubby Army chick shot me up fulla juice and had I been in better spirits I woulda chatted her up and got a phone number outta her. But the Machine only operates with a 1-track mind and it depends on what's going on at the moment that depends on which track I'm on.
After about 3 hours of blissful sleep being interrupted by a screaming toddler in the next room, I get released to be put on quarters for 24 hours. I call Barbie to come pick me up only she couldn't understand simple English like "I'll meet you were you dropped me off" so we end up playing hide-and-go-seek for an hour plus. When I finally locate her, she takes me back to my room in Billeting and I proceed to crash the entire afternoon up until this morning. The sleep did me that good.
So, thinking that everday's a new day, I go to work today and get called in by my superintendent. It turns out that she wants to know what all this was about and why I was sick and whether or not it was alcohol related. I fucking throw a SHIT FIT in her office, telling her that I've only been in country for a week and whoever the hell is starting such rumors doesn't know me well enough to be making such accusations. I get livid and tell her I want to know who it is that is talking such shit, only she doesn't cough up any names. Had we been working with eachtother for 6 months or so I would laugh at such an accusation since although it's not far off from the truth, I have never let my drinking interfere with work in my career. Not once. Ever. She looks at me thinking "Holy shit, what I have done to piss this guy off?" and quickly drops the topic.
Aside from that things were pretty cool. I can tell that if I want any help from co-workers here that I will have to either bribe them with a $20 bill or threaten them with physical pain, depending on who it is. I'd rather do neither but with co-workers like Barbie, I can tell that I'll be in for quite a surprise.
Other things I've noticed while being in Germany -
The Simpsons in German is nowhere near as funny as it is in English. The only character who sounds the same is Lisa Simpson.
The Germans show hard-core porn on televsion around 2 - 3 am nightly, UNCENSORED>
The Euro rate sucks. The Euro sucks. I'd rather have Deutschemarks instead.
I need to move my ass from Vogelweh to Ramstein so I don't have to wait for the goddamned shuttle bus to get me.
The autobahn kicks ass although there's always some twat driving too slow for everyone else to enjoy it.
German chicks age pretty well although most German women look no different from American women when they get huge.
I had eaten some tuna fish earlier that day and think that is what probably did it, since that is the only meat in my diet. Unless I am home on leave trashing my diet, I usually stick to tuna, rice, and assorted vegetables like carrots and green peas as my main staple. Anyhow, I went to bed around 10pm watching The Three Amigos on the movie channel, feeling somewhat crampy and figured it was from the running I had done recently. No big deal. I quickly dozed off to sleep without a care.
Around 1am I was rudely awaken, running to the bathroom easily 2 - 3 times throughout the hour, paying homage to the porcelain goddess through fecal atonements, while praying that whatever it was that was afflicting me would quickly pass. So was not the case. I ended calling a co-worker to take me to the Landstuhl E.R. as soon as the sun came up, so I could take care of this shit once and for all - pun completely intended.
My co-worker who we will call "Barbie" since she lacks looks and personality (read:Sarcasm), shows up late since she decided to first stop at the Vogelweh Shoppette to get some coffee and forgot her ID card at the cash register. Waitaminnut. I'm shitting my guts out and ready to puke and you're more concerned about getting a goddamned cuppa Joe? FUCK ME RUNNING! Remind me to never call you for anything else again, especially if I am on my death bed, you twat! Fucking Christ!
Well, after we go back to retrieve her ID card, we make it to the Landstuhl E.R., only I have to walk about 50 yards to make it to the front door, and she offers no assistance whatsoever. I'm barely on both feet and not so much an arm to brace me with or a wheel chair. I can tell that working with Barbie is going to prove to be a royal bitch in the weeks and months to come, providing one of us doesn't get a clue first, and I'm thinking it's her. Anycase, I make it to the E.R. where they get me taken care of and throw an IV in my arm with some Phenergan to zonk me the fuck out. By now I had a Class 1 raging headache from being so dehydrated, the only thing I wanted to do was to vege out on some good shit. Some chubby Army chick shot me up fulla juice and had I been in better spirits I woulda chatted her up and got a phone number outta her. But the Machine only operates with a 1-track mind and it depends on what's going on at the moment that depends on which track I'm on.
After about 3 hours of blissful sleep being interrupted by a screaming toddler in the next room, I get released to be put on quarters for 24 hours. I call Barbie to come pick me up only she couldn't understand simple English like "I'll meet you were you dropped me off" so we end up playing hide-and-go-seek for an hour plus. When I finally locate her, she takes me back to my room in Billeting and I proceed to crash the entire afternoon up until this morning. The sleep did me that good.
So, thinking that everday's a new day, I go to work today and get called in by my superintendent. It turns out that she wants to know what all this was about and why I was sick and whether or not it was alcohol related. I fucking throw a SHIT FIT in her office, telling her that I've only been in country for a week and whoever the hell is starting such rumors doesn't know me well enough to be making such accusations. I get livid and tell her I want to know who it is that is talking such shit, only she doesn't cough up any names. Had we been working with eachtother for 6 months or so I would laugh at such an accusation since although it's not far off from the truth, I have never let my drinking interfere with work in my career. Not once. Ever. She looks at me thinking "Holy shit, what I have done to piss this guy off?" and quickly drops the topic.
Aside from that things were pretty cool. I can tell that if I want any help from co-workers here that I will have to either bribe them with a $20 bill or threaten them with physical pain, depending on who it is. I'd rather do neither but with co-workers like Barbie, I can tell that I'll be in for quite a surprise.
Other things I've noticed while being in Germany -
The Simpsons in German is nowhere near as funny as it is in English. The only character who sounds the same is Lisa Simpson.
The Germans show hard-core porn on televsion around 2 - 3 am nightly, UNCENSORED>
The Euro rate sucks. The Euro sucks. I'd rather have Deutschemarks instead.
I need to move my ass from Vogelweh to Ramstein so I don't have to wait for the goddamned shuttle bus to get me.
The autobahn kicks ass although there's always some twat driving too slow for everyone else to enjoy it.
German chicks age pretty well although most German women look no different from American women when they get huge.
posted by Machine at 4:29 PM
2 Comments:
Jesus. Who told you to eat fish in Germany? I won't even eat salmon at a German restaurant again after what happened last time. And I have solid fucking German guts of steel.
sounds like the work atmosphere is already adding up to nothing but "fun fun FUN!!!" :| hope things get better for you...if work gets to shitty though (pun totally intended...haha) just get out and enjoy europe. it'll calm you. oh and take lots of pics! :)
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