Drunk Dials for 2006

So. Last night after watching Jarhead I decide to get a wild hare up my ass and make a few random drunk dials. Goddammit! I hate it when nobody is home!! Come on people! You fuckers live to serve me and your whole lives revolve around me! Get with the fucking program, goddammit! Eh. Who are we kidding. I'm lucky you fuckers read this blog as it is. Anycase, Megan (Bettyminx) was brave (or dumb enough) to give me her phone number and I called her after downing a couple shots of Jack and Coke. Gentleman Jack. Lemme tell yah - that shit goes down like velvet. Smooth. Fuck me running even. Go out and buy a bottle of this shit next time you wanna get tanked and you'll see what I mean. But whatever - I start talking to this chick thinking I'll probably get an earful of angry feminist rants from all the bullshit and jackass somantics I pull on her blog, but that wasn't the case. She was actually pretty sweet and way fucking cool. Myself - I was my typical snotty, loveable asshole self as always. Narcissistic and bitter like I am when sober, but slightly unleashed. I really wasn't paying attention but the conversation went something like this: Me: "Hello Megan, it's me, the Machine" Megan: "Yes, I know! So what's going on" Me: "Your ass is getting drunk dialed. What are you doing right now" Megan: "I'm buying some brass polish" Me: "Buying some brass polish, what for?" Megan: "So I can polish my brass teapot at home" Me: "Don't you mean so you can polish some chrome?" Megan: "(laughter) What do you mean?" Me: "You know exactly what I mean!" And other juvenile comments on my part. Blah blah blah - we talked about all sorts of stupid shit too - like what I'm doing in Germany, my Roth Ira and just how stupid people are in general and the fucked-up relationships they stay in too. Pre mid-life crisis drama horseshit. We talked for like an hour or something and by the time we finished I was ready to crash for the night. I can only guess she was bored the entire time - I'll let her comment. Somewhere in there I started spouting some jack-ass advice about karma and balance as well and how people just don't get it. I should've had more to drink I suppose, that way I wouldn't have been so philosophical. But that's the way it goes. You get the drunk dial you deserve. If you're cool with me on the phone then I try to be on my best behavior and make it somewhat entertaining. Otherwise I'll be a complete dick and play some Slayer in the phone reciever or some shit. So. Who's next?