The Spring Chicken
I have this piece of shit 1991 BMW, German specs. Well, almost. Juicy Girl is supposed to give me the title soon and then it will be all mine! When we actually get around to doing it will be anybody's guess but I've been driving it and keeping it running in the meantime.
I've given it the name "Spring Chicken" because it ain't.
I swear, this car is on its last fucking legs and would be considered a death-trap on wheels to most. But what the hell - it runs and there are no visible rust spots. Just a shitty faded maroon paint job.
When I first got this bitch it was missing the front grill section. Apparently it suffered a bird strike, taking out the trademark front end of the vehicle, and you could still see all sorts of pin feathers stuck to the car's intake. It's missing a front hub cap and the driver window is broken. One of the front lamps is out and the car reeks of gasoline. I was driving it Saturday and the handle for the sun roof falls off in my lap, just outta the blue. When I take it on the autobahn it starts shaking horribly at around 80-100 km like it's going to explode. Chances are it won't pass inspection if/when we take it to the place to change the title over!
Now as much as the Spring Chicken is a fucking eyesore and a liability, I FUCKING LOVE THIS CAR. I dunno why either. It's got a style all to itself. Granted I'll never pick up any chicks driving this rust-bucket or look cool like all the homies but it's definitely distinctive and right up my alley. Maybe I should do that sometime. Try to pull some bitches with this POS monster. It would be the ultimate tribute to loser guys everywhere. My ilk.
I took the car into Kaiserslautern this weekend to the Army Surplus store they have and it handled nicely all the way down. I bought a kick-ass Bundeswehr Gore-tex jacket and matching pants, and purposely left the doors unlocked to see if anyone would fuck with it. Not at all. It's naturally an anti-theft device of its own - like being born with a lifetime supply of fuck-repellent already sprayed on you. I bought a replacement grill for 20 Euro and popped the fucker right in and got an oil cap and a replacement bulb from the junkyard, only I think it's the fuse and not the bulb. Trying to figure out which fuse it is in German is fucking impossible. I think I'll do the Eeny-meeny-miney-moe technique and hope for the best.
I'll be sad but kind of relieved if I end up junking the Spring Chicken. This thing should be dead already in dog years and frankly dumping anymore real cash into its upkeep just isn't worth it, kinda like throwing Grandpa Simpson into the retirement home. Still, it's a mean ride and gets me where I need to go!
I've given it the name "Spring Chicken" because it ain't.
I swear, this car is on its last fucking legs and would be considered a death-trap on wheels to most. But what the hell - it runs and there are no visible rust spots. Just a shitty faded maroon paint job.
When I first got this bitch it was missing the front grill section. Apparently it suffered a bird strike, taking out the trademark front end of the vehicle, and you could still see all sorts of pin feathers stuck to the car's intake. It's missing a front hub cap and the driver window is broken. One of the front lamps is out and the car reeks of gasoline. I was driving it Saturday and the handle for the sun roof falls off in my lap, just outta the blue. When I take it on the autobahn it starts shaking horribly at around 80-100 km like it's going to explode. Chances are it won't pass inspection if/when we take it to the place to change the title over!
Now as much as the Spring Chicken is a fucking eyesore and a liability, I FUCKING LOVE THIS CAR. I dunno why either. It's got a style all to itself. Granted I'll never pick up any chicks driving this rust-bucket or look cool like all the homies but it's definitely distinctive and right up my alley. Maybe I should do that sometime. Try to pull some bitches with this POS monster. It would be the ultimate tribute to loser guys everywhere. My ilk.
I took the car into Kaiserslautern this weekend to the Army Surplus store they have and it handled nicely all the way down. I bought a kick-ass Bundeswehr Gore-tex jacket and matching pants, and purposely left the doors unlocked to see if anyone would fuck with it. Not at all. It's naturally an anti-theft device of its own - like being born with a lifetime supply of fuck-repellent already sprayed on you. I bought a replacement grill for 20 Euro and popped the fucker right in and got an oil cap and a replacement bulb from the junkyard, only I think it's the fuse and not the bulb. Trying to figure out which fuse it is in German is fucking impossible. I think I'll do the Eeny-meeny-miney-moe technique and hope for the best.
I'll be sad but kind of relieved if I end up junking the Spring Chicken. This thing should be dead already in dog years and frankly dumping anymore real cash into its upkeep just isn't worth it, kinda like throwing Grandpa Simpson into the retirement home. Still, it's a mean ride and gets me where I need to go!
posted by Machine at 7:03 PM
2 Comments:
Yep. Only it's the Spring Chicken!
Heh. B-M-Trouble You is more like it.
Post a picture of it!
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