Wood Chipper

Today I was mowing my yard since the German days usually remain light until about 9 or 9:30 pm now and I got to thinking how all this grass resembles people I would love to mow over. Cut them down like the grass shoots they are.

Or better yet, get a WOOD CHIPPER like the kind you see in the New Jersey Municipal State Parks and throw an asshole or two in them while it's operating at full speed.

Oh it would make great mulching for the ground, but why stop there?

You can have all sorts of fun with a wood chipper. For example:

You can throw poodles in. I fucking HATE POODLES.

Hamsters. I FUCKING HATE HAMSTERS TOO.

CATS.

THOSE GODDAMNED ANNOYING TALKING ELMO DOLLS.

PENGUINS.

But most of all I hate those STUPID FUCKING PINATAS YOU SEE AT THE SAN DIEGO/TIJUANA BORDER.

You know the kind I'm talking about - the fucking cheap-ass imitation SPONGE BOB pinata or the fucking wanna-be POWER RANGER pinata. Or what about that annoying DORA THE EXPLORER BITCH? Fucking Christ. Every time I go to the gym to exercise I see her stupid face plastered on the TV screen. It's bad enough I have to stare at some 300 pound dependant wife wearing spandex - speaking of which -

I saw SISTER CHRISTIAN'S mother at the gym working out. SHE'S FUCKING HUGE. I had to do a double-take at first and I told DORK to check it out while we were doing curls. I thought I was about to puke, shit my pants and piss myself as a survival defense mechanism I was so revolted by her appearance, and was afraid the giant she-beast was going to some how devour me as her next meal. Yet oddly enough Sister Christian resembles little of her right now. She's still thin with these huge fucking tits that could give Dolly Parton's black eyes some black eyes. (WTF is that supposed to mean?) If it's true that everyone woman in the end will turn out to physically resemble her mother in one shape or form or another then I better stick to going blind from jerking off. At least the memory will be etched in my mind.

But not to chase a rabbit there......

I've been getting mild angina pectoris symptoms lately.

No shit.

I've been stressed out like a motherfucker from all this goddamned work I'm not even in the mood for a good argument, which I usually enjoy. My blood pressure is seriously through the roof right now and I'm quite certain if I don't do something about it I'll get a cerebral aneurysm or perhaps a petit mal seizure of some sort.

If I do end up suffering a stroke from a CVA, someone please do me a favor -

Throw my body into a fucking wood chipper but make sure the gore showers the PTA and all those self-righteous assholes out there as my last great act of defiance. And then blame it on rock music, video games, and the internet.

And Hepatitis C.