Gomez

So I got a new guy in last week. I'll call him GOMEZ. Dude can't stand my raucous behavior and can already tell he tolerates me in small doses. Fucker. Anycase I've been having to drag his ass around from Point A to Point B getting his retarded ass inprocessed and shit. I've already spent $40 in gas on this asshole and countless hours it seems getting shit prepared for his arrival, but that's what sponsors do. Now throw in all the usual bullshit I've been having to work with (literally being a one-man shop) plus the fact that my boss has been out of the office for the past 2 weeks, making me the next in charge by default. I hate being the boss since that means I inherit everybody else's headaches, causing my blood pressure to sky-rocket and give me the mess that I'm currently in right now. All I can say is that Gomez better be one sharp motherfucker once he gets settled in since we'll be working together. He better be Johnny-on-the-Spot with shit too. STACY is taking a liking to him. She hasn't fucked Zhombie yet (that I know of) but my chips are on that she'll try fucking Gomez if given the chance. Of course because we get along so well (perhaps too well) the entire office to include my supervisor thinks that her and I are going to end up having wild S&M sex soon. She says I'm too old for her but we'll see about that. Anycase I dragged their stupid asses out tonight to see Mission Impossible 3 at the kino and Gomez smelled like he had been working at an orchard in Southern California picking avacados all day and desperately needed a shower. Goddamn that fucker stank! To change tracks for a moment - when watching MI:3, I marveled at the bathroom scene inside the Vatican where Phillip Seymour Hoffman is washing his shirt in the sink and Tom Cruise tries to butt-plunder his ass. It's very rare that I ever have a religious experience or a divine revelation, BUT GODDAMMIT I HAD ONE. I NEED TO GO TO THE VATICAN SO I CAN TAKE A SHIT ON THE WORLD'S FINEST TOILET BEFORE I LEAVE GERMANY. MOTHERFUCKER. IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO ON THIS PLANET, I WILL LIVE TO SEE THIS COME TO PASS. I can only imagine how spiritually enlightening the whole experience will be. I mean think about it. You're taking a shit in God's house. On one of his thrones. They have to be made out of the finest porcelain and of course the toilet seat is made from pure gold. Al Bundy would weep tears of joy if he saw what I saw. Perhaps instead of becoming a snuff-film porn star I should become the janitor in the Vatican. That way I can mix business with pleasure. Do my doo-ty to God and my country. Anycase. Gomez sucks. Fuck him. He's too nice for me like my last co-worker was. We called this asshole UNCLE FESTER only he was black but otherwise bore a striking resemblance to the man. Uncle Fester was too gentle for my liking and Gomez is mild as well. He'd have a dozen girls come visit him and I'd ask how many times he had fucked any of them. Of course he would deny it and I called him a liar. "They're just friends" he play off. "So do they know about eachother" I would fire back. Friends. Yeah right. Friends with benefits perhaps! D'oh!!!! Chances are Gomez will be the next ladies man of the office. If that's the case he can throw some leftovers my way or something.