Melanie and the Passover Chicken
Okay.
Melanie and her bitch friends stayed pissed at me for a good portion of the morning until they decided to start talking to me again. They were upset that I wanted to make comments during a church sermon, even though people would sing and talk and do whatever the fuck it is they were doing - it was just that I couldn't do it. Fucking hypocrites. Whatever. Like you fucking bitches were the cream of the crop. One of them said to me today "You wouldn't talk during a movie would you?" to which I replied "That's different - YOU PAID MONEY TO SEE THAT". I never saw Maggie get so pissed when I told her that, either. "I need to leave the room before I say anything else!" and she stormed off. Ha ha.
Anycase, this will probably be the first and last time I'm ever invited to attend services with Melanie. That's fine. I still talk to her at work either way, and she always tells me something personal that she doesn't share with most people, so I know we're still cool like that.
Andrea on the other hand is becoming a royal cunt, and for reasons I can't seem to imagine. Is it because she's about to pin on another stripe and the rank is going to her head? Who the fuck knows. What I do know is to avoid her like the fucking plague if she's going to go from Zero to Bitch in under 5 seconds if I say something that I percieve as being harmless. A shame too, considering I like her as a friend.
Oh well. That's Life.
Anycase, how many people here know about the Passover Chicken? I heard about the Passover Chicken many years ago as a teen-ager on a Boy Scout camping trip. It was Easter vacation and we were fucking around in Death Valley, do a cycling trip. It was pretty fucking cool, now I think about it. At the time it really sucked but whatever. The Jewish kids were celebrating Passover and were eating their Heeb food, talking their Yiddish talk with their Oi vey and what not. Me growing up in a predominantly WASP household, had no idea what the fuck a Matzoh ball was or what the fuck Manishewitz was or any of the other shit these people were eating. The only thing I knew about the fucking Jews was from watching Mel Brooks movies, and the jack-ass somantics these kids would pull off when their parents weren't looking. I asked them what the fuck they were eating and they offered me some. So, I tried some Matzoh Ball soup and after taking a bite, discovered I will never convert to Judaism, even if through some fluke I'm related to fucking Moses himself. It was the most bland, tasteless piece of ethnic food I had ever eaten. Just not happening.
So I asked them "Well if the Jews don't celebrate Easter, what do they celebrate?"
"We celebrate Passover, you stupid fucking goyim."
"What the fuck is that?"
"It's when we celebrate our people's freedom from when the Egyptians enslaved us so many years ago. It goes for 8 days and 8 nights."
"So what the fuck do you have for a pet? Christians have the Easter Bunny - what do you guys have instead?"
"We have the Passover Chicken!"
"Oh Jeezus Christ. A fucking Passover Chicken? What the fuck does he do?"
"He goes around and gives matzoh balls instead of Easter eggs and candy to all the Jewish boys and girls. And he makes sure to wear a scarf too so he doesn't catch cold."
"You're kidding."
"No you stupid shmuck, we're being totally serious."
Obviously these kids were full of shit telling me this story, but the whole fucking thing was so amusing I had to laugh. Where do people think up this kinda shit?
Since then for some reason that story has stuck with me. Perhaps it's my retarded sense of humor that keeps the whole thing going. Hell, maybe I should market a Passover Chicken doll or perhaps a Kwanzaa Gorilla doll (oh the irony in that one) that would be a knock-off of the Grape Ape cartoon character. Either way I could beat the Jews at their own game of making money and buy out the corporate media they operate. Nothing but hard core porn and Comedy Central when I rule the world!
But back to Melanie - perhaps I'll post something in a day or so regarding my relationship with her and how the whole fucking thing has been one big disappointment. I suppose it's no different from married life when you can't get the whole "Friends with Benefits" thing going.
Either way I still have to put up with her shit.
Melanie and her bitch friends stayed pissed at me for a good portion of the morning until they decided to start talking to me again. They were upset that I wanted to make comments during a church sermon, even though people would sing and talk and do whatever the fuck it is they were doing - it was just that I couldn't do it. Fucking hypocrites. Whatever. Like you fucking bitches were the cream of the crop. One of them said to me today "You wouldn't talk during a movie would you?" to which I replied "That's different - YOU PAID MONEY TO SEE THAT". I never saw Maggie get so pissed when I told her that, either. "I need to leave the room before I say anything else!" and she stormed off. Ha ha.
Anycase, this will probably be the first and last time I'm ever invited to attend services with Melanie. That's fine. I still talk to her at work either way, and she always tells me something personal that she doesn't share with most people, so I know we're still cool like that.
Andrea on the other hand is becoming a royal cunt, and for reasons I can't seem to imagine. Is it because she's about to pin on another stripe and the rank is going to her head? Who the fuck knows. What I do know is to avoid her like the fucking plague if she's going to go from Zero to Bitch in under 5 seconds if I say something that I percieve as being harmless. A shame too, considering I like her as a friend.
Oh well. That's Life.
Anycase, how many people here know about the Passover Chicken? I heard about the Passover Chicken many years ago as a teen-ager on a Boy Scout camping trip. It was Easter vacation and we were fucking around in Death Valley, do a cycling trip. It was pretty fucking cool, now I think about it. At the time it really sucked but whatever. The Jewish kids were celebrating Passover and were eating their Heeb food, talking their Yiddish talk with their Oi vey and what not. Me growing up in a predominantly WASP household, had no idea what the fuck a Matzoh ball was or what the fuck Manishewitz was or any of the other shit these people were eating. The only thing I knew about the fucking Jews was from watching Mel Brooks movies, and the jack-ass somantics these kids would pull off when their parents weren't looking. I asked them what the fuck they were eating and they offered me some. So, I tried some Matzoh Ball soup and after taking a bite, discovered I will never convert to Judaism, even if through some fluke I'm related to fucking Moses himself. It was the most bland, tasteless piece of ethnic food I had ever eaten. Just not happening.
So I asked them "Well if the Jews don't celebrate Easter, what do they celebrate?"
"We celebrate Passover, you stupid fucking goyim."
"What the fuck is that?"
"It's when we celebrate our people's freedom from when the Egyptians enslaved us so many years ago. It goes for 8 days and 8 nights."
"So what the fuck do you have for a pet? Christians have the Easter Bunny - what do you guys have instead?"
"We have the Passover Chicken!"
"Oh Jeezus Christ. A fucking Passover Chicken? What the fuck does he do?"
"He goes around and gives matzoh balls instead of Easter eggs and candy to all the Jewish boys and girls. And he makes sure to wear a scarf too so he doesn't catch cold."
"You're kidding."
"No you stupid shmuck, we're being totally serious."
Obviously these kids were full of shit telling me this story, but the whole fucking thing was so amusing I had to laugh. Where do people think up this kinda shit?
Since then for some reason that story has stuck with me. Perhaps it's my retarded sense of humor that keeps the whole thing going. Hell, maybe I should market a Passover Chicken doll or perhaps a Kwanzaa Gorilla doll (oh the irony in that one) that would be a knock-off of the Grape Ape cartoon character. Either way I could beat the Jews at their own game of making money and buy out the corporate media they operate. Nothing but hard core porn and Comedy Central when I rule the world!
But back to Melanie - perhaps I'll post something in a day or so regarding my relationship with her and how the whole fucking thing has been one big disappointment. I suppose it's no different from married life when you can't get the whole "Friends with Benefits" thing going.
Either way I still have to put up with her shit.
posted by Machine at 10:57 AM
3 Comments:
I prefer chocolate creme filled eggs instead of .....something balls.
oh jesus....that didn't come out right at all!!!
Do you mean Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls?
(horrible South Park reference)
Heh. This reminds me of when I was in 3rd grade. My catholic school decided it was a good idea to teach us about some Jewish holidays. I know, it seems odd. I can't remember which time of year it was, but the teacher brought in various kinds of food that Jewish people eat. I fell in love with the Matzoh crackers. To the point where I went home and announced to my mother that I wanted to become Jewish so we could eat the crackers all the time.
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