Return of Manuke the Shit Demon
Fuck.
This morning at 2 am I was awakened by Manuke the Shit Demon. I went to bed after watching my Frank Zappa DVD and was sleeping soundly until I felt that oh-so familiar tug on my Descending Colon that could only mean one thing.
HE'S BACK.
The way I see it, Manuke demands an offering at least quarterly. I figure this out since the last time I was bothered was in December when Zhombie and I went out for Kebabs at this local Turkish place. I've had one or two since then and nothing has happened, yet last night I eat a cup of ramen noodles (I still have a shitload of those boxes I'm trying to finish off) and some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - relatively harmless by my standards. So, by guessing how this happens, I figure it's about every 3 months or so that I have to get on the commode and give the Underworld its due.
I wonder if there's a way I can mail my ass to Japan where Manuke can live in his natural environment? Or get a colon transplant? Perhaps what's really needed is a Holy Water enema - flush this fucker out - I think this little bastard is messing with my Third Chakra or some shit. If that doesn't work then I will go find a fortune teller and have her do a reading on MY ASS the same way a phrenologist can predict the future by studying the shape of someone's head. If it involves an anal probe or a finger up the butt then forget about it - the Machine doesn't do FOD in the poop-chute. I wonder what a hemorrhoid means in Japanese mythology? If it's truly symbolic then I can take a dump on one of those Rohrschatz cards the psychologists use and they can intrepret what they see instead.
All I know is that I was starting to fall asleep tonight in my German class despite my pounding heavily caffinated drinks. I'm going to call it a night and catch up on the lost rest I need. Right now, somewhere between my large intestines and my small intestines, he plots yet another attack. Hurricane Manuke will strike the toilet bowl like Hurricane Katrina wreaked havoc on Louisiana.
I can almost hear the little fucker laughing.
This morning at 2 am I was awakened by Manuke the Shit Demon. I went to bed after watching my Frank Zappa DVD and was sleeping soundly until I felt that oh-so familiar tug on my Descending Colon that could only mean one thing.
HE'S BACK.
The way I see it, Manuke demands an offering at least quarterly. I figure this out since the last time I was bothered was in December when Zhombie and I went out for Kebabs at this local Turkish place. I've had one or two since then and nothing has happened, yet last night I eat a cup of ramen noodles (I still have a shitload of those boxes I'm trying to finish off) and some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - relatively harmless by my standards. So, by guessing how this happens, I figure it's about every 3 months or so that I have to get on the commode and give the Underworld its due.
I wonder if there's a way I can mail my ass to Japan where Manuke can live in his natural environment? Or get a colon transplant? Perhaps what's really needed is a Holy Water enema - flush this fucker out - I think this little bastard is messing with my Third Chakra or some shit. If that doesn't work then I will go find a fortune teller and have her do a reading on MY ASS the same way a phrenologist can predict the future by studying the shape of someone's head. If it involves an anal probe or a finger up the butt then forget about it - the Machine doesn't do FOD in the poop-chute. I wonder what a hemorrhoid means in Japanese mythology? If it's truly symbolic then I can take a dump on one of those Rohrschatz cards the psychologists use and they can intrepret what they see instead.
All I know is that I was starting to fall asleep tonight in my German class despite my pounding heavily caffinated drinks. I'm going to call it a night and catch up on the lost rest I need. Right now, somewhere between my large intestines and my small intestines, he plots yet another attack. Hurricane Manuke will strike the toilet bowl like Hurricane Katrina wreaked havoc on Louisiana.
I can almost hear the little fucker laughing.
posted by Machine at 8:38 PM
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