Black Rusted Garbage Truck

Okay.

So I was thinking the other day "What if I can't become a high school janitor if I were to get fired and drive a black rusted van? Then what would I do?"

Such pointless hypothetical questions come to me from time to time, which I usually entertain since I have nothing better to do for the moment. Kinda like wasting time in front of a mirror looking for any zits to squeeze or ingrown hairs to pull out.

So what would I do? Well I figured if I couldn't do the janitor gig, or become an amateur porn star in some trailer park somewhere in Tennessee or Alabama, I would become a Death Metal Garbage Man. That's right. A GARBAGE MAN.

Think about it. I could drive around a black rusted garbage truck and paint all sorts of fucked up Satanic pentagrams and flames on the sides of it. Throw on some barbed wire for decoration and some mannequins that resemble dismembered bodies painted with lots of red paint to resemble blood. Perhaps some ceramic skulls and plastic demons too.I could hook up huge flood lights on the front and on the sides similar to the type emergency service vehicles have for additional safety and lighting.

But here comes the best part - I would hook SPEAKERS up to the outside of the black rusted garbage truck as well - similar to what all those fuck-wit street thugs have in their cars when they drive by pumping their "Crunk" shit and disturbing the peace. Only, instead of some sawed-off ghetto rat's music, I'd play DEATH METAL and the like as I am driving through your neighborhood at 3 am in the morning collecting your trash. I figure why not? After all the ice cream man can get away with playing his music box melodies so why not crank some SLAYER or DIMMU BORGIR as I'm sifting through dirty diapers, dirty syringes, and 3 week left-overs your retarded ass threw out to leave baking all day in the hot sun?

I figure this could be an acceptable profession once I retire or separate if the whole BAD SANTA thing doesn't work out for me. You can even threaten your kids that if they don't clean their plates for dinner, you'll let THE GARBAGEMAN kidnap them the same way our parents filled our heads will bullshit horror stories when we were kids. They'll never be late for supper again.