Zombie Fucker: The Movie
So I was out with Annette last night - the girl with the big monster tits and the bad grill (remember: Austin Powers grill we're talking) when I was telling her about my idea for a movie. She expressed to me how she likes horror flicks (unusual for a woman) when I decided to run it by her:
ZOMBIE FUCKER: THE MOVIE
The movie takes place in Podunk, USA when there is a meteor shower one night that all the local hillbillies are out sight-seeing. A bright meteor comes streaking from the heavens and lands in a wooded area and some college kids want to go check the thing out. When they arrive at the crash site all they find is a glowing hull that has been hollowed out, and they think nothing of it.
It turns out there were zombies inside the metorite - space trash from URANUS - that was sent our way. It turns out the space aliens there didn't take too kindly to us sending a secret space crew to the planet in attempt to harness their supply of methane, and solving our energy crisis once and for all. The greedy space aliens knowing how important their planet is to us, decided to turn our astronauts into zombies as a way of communicating their displeasure for our interference, but with a twist - they've given the zombies super sexual powers and anyone they fuck will turn into a zombie too, kinda like the way how when a vampire bites you, you become a vampire too.
So the zombies start to wander around and fuck anything with legs - in the spirit of all cheesey B-movies, there's always the big-titted bimbo, the stereotypical slack-jawed yokel, the token black guy who dies for no apparent reason, as well as the college kids who save the day through dumb luck and a cool soundtrack to boot. The zombies will poison our water supply (how else? By taking a dump of course) and will befall misfortunes while wandering around this one-horse town - walk into fire, get electrocuted, get hit by a truck, and piss off the farmer's bull. Comedic relief.
No place would be safe from the zombies either - they'll fuck anything they can get their hands on regardless of its location - the barn, the civic center, the local church, the burger grill too - just don't be surprised if there's extra "secret sauce" on that burger you order!
Finally word gets out that these space zombies were sent in retaliation for our government's meddling, when the National Guard is sent out to clean the mess up. Of course this fails since they're space zombies, and ultimately it's the college kids solution of dumb luck and death metal soundtrack which saves the day. If it's one thing zombies can't survive it's the really loud noise of an electric guitar - makes their heads explode like that 3 day old zit on your face. Splatter EVERYWHERE. One of the stoner kids puts in some DEICIDE while rolling a joint, completely unaware of the zombie waitress behind him that's ready to jump his bones. It isn't until he turns around to see her steaming carcass on the floor does he shit his pants and realize what just happened.
So there yah have it. ZOMBIE FUCKER: THE MOVIE would have all the cheese of a Tobe Hooper film, George Romero, Chucky and Nightmare of Elm Street but would lack the entire porn aspect all together. If the dude who made the film "Lord of the Strings" could get his hands on a copy of the script, he'd be impressed, I guarantee.
Annette just looked at me and laughed when I pitched the idea to her.
ZOMBIE FUCKER: THE MOVIE
The movie takes place in Podunk, USA when there is a meteor shower one night that all the local hillbillies are out sight-seeing. A bright meteor comes streaking from the heavens and lands in a wooded area and some college kids want to go check the thing out. When they arrive at the crash site all they find is a glowing hull that has been hollowed out, and they think nothing of it.
It turns out there were zombies inside the metorite - space trash from URANUS - that was sent our way. It turns out the space aliens there didn't take too kindly to us sending a secret space crew to the planet in attempt to harness their supply of methane, and solving our energy crisis once and for all. The greedy space aliens knowing how important their planet is to us, decided to turn our astronauts into zombies as a way of communicating their displeasure for our interference, but with a twist - they've given the zombies super sexual powers and anyone they fuck will turn into a zombie too, kinda like the way how when a vampire bites you, you become a vampire too.
So the zombies start to wander around and fuck anything with legs - in the spirit of all cheesey B-movies, there's always the big-titted bimbo, the stereotypical slack-jawed yokel, the token black guy who dies for no apparent reason, as well as the college kids who save the day through dumb luck and a cool soundtrack to boot. The zombies will poison our water supply (how else? By taking a dump of course) and will befall misfortunes while wandering around this one-horse town - walk into fire, get electrocuted, get hit by a truck, and piss off the farmer's bull. Comedic relief.
No place would be safe from the zombies either - they'll fuck anything they can get their hands on regardless of its location - the barn, the civic center, the local church, the burger grill too - just don't be surprised if there's extra "secret sauce" on that burger you order!
Finally word gets out that these space zombies were sent in retaliation for our government's meddling, when the National Guard is sent out to clean the mess up. Of course this fails since they're space zombies, and ultimately it's the college kids solution of dumb luck and death metal soundtrack which saves the day. If it's one thing zombies can't survive it's the really loud noise of an electric guitar - makes their heads explode like that 3 day old zit on your face. Splatter EVERYWHERE. One of the stoner kids puts in some DEICIDE while rolling a joint, completely unaware of the zombie waitress behind him that's ready to jump his bones. It isn't until he turns around to see her steaming carcass on the floor does he shit his pants and realize what just happened.
So there yah have it. ZOMBIE FUCKER: THE MOVIE would have all the cheese of a Tobe Hooper film, George Romero, Chucky and Nightmare of Elm Street but would lack the entire porn aspect all together. If the dude who made the film "Lord of the Strings" could get his hands on a copy of the script, he'd be impressed, I guarantee.
Annette just looked at me and laughed when I pitched the idea to her.
posted by Machine at 7:24 PM
2 Comments:
If only.
Heh. You forget. The Machine don't do date rape!
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