Heckle & Jeckle

Goddammit it's been hot here in Germany lately. I've been sweatin' like a whore in church too ~ just the other day I had this monster fucking migraine that popped up outta nowhere when I was at the gym doing my weightlifting routine. I was drinking water and ice tea all day so I was properly hydrating (or so I thought) until that bad bastard popped up like an ice cream headache times 10. It was brutal too. I decided to call it an early night after popping some aspirin and slept it off. Now it looks like it's going to cool off somewhat with rain clouds coming in. People in the office just aren't operating at full capacity neither it seems. The heat is taking its toll of them despite the windows are wide open, fans are going and the lights are turned off. They just sit there and bullshit instead of doing work. Of course me being the office asshole I tell people to get to work. One of my HEMORRHOIDS was caught sleeping at his desk when MY BOSS happened to walk in and bitched him out - she fussed at me too, but the sad thing was that his co-worker who is just as incompetent as he is was sitting there the entire time and didn't SAY SHIT to him either - he just let it happen. Allegedly they're "boyz" or whatever outside of work but even so it would carry to think they would watch out for one another while on the job. Apparently not. I haven't come up with names for them yet, but HECKLE & JECKLE seems appropriate for the time being, so they'll be known as that until I can think of something better. Speaking of which, it reminds me of a story from about 10-12 years ago when I was living in North Carolina. (A) North Carolina sucks. Period. You can't convince me otherwise I spent 3 1/2 years in that shithole not by choice (Uncle Sam sent me there) and (B) I will never return there on my own free will for any extended length of stay. Perhaps just passing through for logistical purposes (I-95 and I-40 both run through this unfortunate stretch of land and there's no way around it) on my way to DC or some other place above the Mason-Dixon line. Having established that, I had to do barracks detail one week when I came across these two morons who were getting kicked out of the military and everyone referred to them as HECKLE & JECKLE too. These two retards were always trying to come up with some kinda scheme that was landing them in hot water - everything from bouncing checks to trying to sneak people on to base in the trunk of their car, these were the great-grandsons of Amos & Andy. They were charged in Corrective Custody, a last-ditch effort by commanders to rehabilitate people's careers before kicking them out all together. I would hear the guy in charge - a cop who was a former drill instructor - yelling and screaming at these two fuck-wits all day and one day even saw all sorts of shit come flying out the top floor window - their shit - clothing primarily. Shirts, socks, boots, uniforms, just make its way out in a blind fury. It was fucking hilarious. Too bad I didn't have a video camera or something with me since I'd love to film it. Stuff like this is what military movies never show. They ended getting kicked outta the military sure enough but goddamn if that still doesn't give me a chuckle when I think about it to this day. Chances are the two retards in my office NOW will turn out the same if they don't get a clue. The JECKLE of the two seems to have his head on better but is easily lead astray by HECKLE, who thinks he's smart but doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He was talking shit about Korea one day despite having never been there which just solidifies my belief the kid's a fuck-tard. I just hope I don't have to supervise him any time soon.