I'm not happy until you're not happy

I swear. At times I live only just to piss other people off. And I love it too. Most people I view as being either an inconvenience or a waste of flesh, depending on their overall value to me. This is no different for family members, close friends, or co-workers. Today I upset at least 3 people to include my mother - I had to take her somewhere during lunch, only it never happened because the goddamned Germans backed up the fucking A6 like a toilet at a Texas chili-eating contest. And to make matters worse, the only bridge that helps shave 10 minutes off a drive was still being worked on since January, which forced me to take the Plan C route where every goddamned truck driving asshole decided to drive the same route as well. So to make a long story short I told my mom the shit she wanted to do wasn't going to happen since I was in a royal shitty fucking mood from all of that plus this heatwave we've been having. To say she was disappointed is an understatement. Some dickhead on Vogelweh wouldn't let me back out on to the street when this big-ass truck was coming my direction. The geriatric fuck laid on the car horn and yelled at me some fierce shit. I told him to go fuck himself in the polite military lingo and that he had no choice but to deal with it. His retarded ass was parked behind a stop sign too when all of this was going on. I swear if I was Anti-Christ I would ban all interstate trucks, mini-vans, taxis, buses, and SUVs on the road when I am out driving. I don't like flying nor do I enjoy traveling via ship, so fahren sehr schon it is. STACY who is now on the fat-kid program was 20 minutes late to work this morning and gave her a verbal counseling since it was the second time this month it happened, and threatened her with a written counseling letter if it happened again. Not only that but she was chowing down on 2 slices of pizza during lunch when she knows better than to be doing that. Since she's been put on the fat-kid program I've seen her shovel more junk food and shit into her mouth than before hand. I started to give her grief about it, since I was a former fat-ass that was also on the program, and criticized her for having lack of discipline. Of course the shit ain't easy. Of course it sucks eating bird seed and rabbit food, but goddammit don't come crying the blues when shit starts rolling down hill. Some days I'm fun to be around, but days like today I am a complete fucking bastard and don't care who gets their feelings hurt. C.ADAM and CRAZYGIRL both refer to me as being like Billy Bob Thornton in the movie BAD SANTA and can't help but to laugh and agree. I AM that insensitive, foul-mouth bastard whose only ambition in life is to watch out for himself no matter what the cost. And I absolutely love it too.