When a joke goes wrong
Heh.
Zhombie.
ZHOMBIE as you know, is a perpetual rain cloud of a person. His reputation precedes him. It could be the best fucking day outside that you have ever experienced, yet he will find something negative to criticize about it. Why the fuck I hang out with him is anyone's guess, but perhaps it's because he's more of a loser than I am and it gives me comfort knowing this. Who knows.
Anycase, Saturday night he's being his usual pain-in-the-ass self by wanting to come over and hang out with me. I'm not about to have any of it since I have other plans (read: jerking off, crying, and playing video games) but he's remaining insistant nonetheless. So after about 2 minutes of arguing with the fucker on the phone, he decides to come over anyways, only it's getting dark and it's starting to rain. He's going to be late.
All this time I'm thinking how I can torture the poor bastard even more than I normally do. AH HA. I KNOW. I have an old FREDDY KRUEGER GLOVE that's collecting dust that I can scare the fucking bejeezus outta him with, PLUS the original FREDDY KRUEGER MASK right along with it. I decide to dig it out of the huge pile of junk that's occupying what's supposed to be my guest room, and put it on. Zhombie's gonna shit bricks when he sees this! The look on his face is going to be fucking priceless!
So I get ready - I've got the glove and the mask on and I make sure that my houselights are dimmed. He said he was gonna show around 8pm and sure enough when 8pm hits, the doorbell rings.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I scream REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY so everyone can hear, as I open the door, waving my gloved hand in the air with the finger blades going every which way. Expecting to see Zhombie there shitting his pants and running away like a scared little girl, is instead A FUCKING PIZZA DELIVERY BOY who got the wrong address by mistake.
He shits his pants but keeping in the traditional German straight-faced mentality does not show it one bit. When I realize what it is that happened I take off the Freddy Krueger glove, take off the mask, and apologize to the kid profusely.
"Sorry man! I thought you were my friend! He's supposed to come over any minute!" I exclaimed repeatedly.
Turns out my landlord's daughter ordered a pizza, and since their house is right behind mine, he got confused. It happens more often than not, especially with their lingerie catalogs and other bits of junk mail. I even recieved some weird package once that a delivery boy put in my garage while I was at work, in hopes I would get it when returning home. Perhaps it was some weird sex toy or something - I didn't bother opening the package either way.
Anycase the pizza boy figured out what was going on and started laughing too, and then left to drop off the pizza. In reality the kid is traumatized for life and will never deliver pizza again or start packing an uzi or something. Heh.
In the meantime, Zhombie shows up 5 minutes after the said incident, and no sooner do I put the mask and glove back on, does fuck-nuts ring the doorbell and I scream at the top of my lungs once again as I open the door. He proceeds to shit his pants and runs away as I laugh my fucking ass off, only to realize what's going on. He calls me a douchebag for being so juvenile and we go out to eat at some shitty Italian restaurant instead.
Heh. Perhaps Zhombie's purpose in my life is to take whatever sadistic punishment I can think of. Scaring the shit outta him is just a start. Before all is said and done, I want to get some fucking HE-SHE DUDE tranny stripper for him, and hire the walking freak of nature to give Zhombie the "Bachelor Party of his life". Considering he doesn't even have a girlfriend it will be a real fucking hoot to see the expression on his face.
"My name's 'Secret' - what's yours?!?"
I'm definitely going to Hell for that one.
Heh.
Zhombie.
ZHOMBIE as you know, is a perpetual rain cloud of a person. His reputation precedes him. It could be the best fucking day outside that you have ever experienced, yet he will find something negative to criticize about it. Why the fuck I hang out with him is anyone's guess, but perhaps it's because he's more of a loser than I am and it gives me comfort knowing this. Who knows.
Anycase, Saturday night he's being his usual pain-in-the-ass self by wanting to come over and hang out with me. I'm not about to have any of it since I have other plans (read: jerking off, crying, and playing video games) but he's remaining insistant nonetheless. So after about 2 minutes of arguing with the fucker on the phone, he decides to come over anyways, only it's getting dark and it's starting to rain. He's going to be late.
All this time I'm thinking how I can torture the poor bastard even more than I normally do. AH HA. I KNOW. I have an old FREDDY KRUEGER GLOVE that's collecting dust that I can scare the fucking bejeezus outta him with, PLUS the original FREDDY KRUEGER MASK right along with it. I decide to dig it out of the huge pile of junk that's occupying what's supposed to be my guest room, and put it on. Zhombie's gonna shit bricks when he sees this! The look on his face is going to be fucking priceless!
So I get ready - I've got the glove and the mask on and I make sure that my houselights are dimmed. He said he was gonna show around 8pm and sure enough when 8pm hits, the doorbell rings.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I scream REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY so everyone can hear, as I open the door, waving my gloved hand in the air with the finger blades going every which way. Expecting to see Zhombie there shitting his pants and running away like a scared little girl, is instead A FUCKING PIZZA DELIVERY BOY who got the wrong address by mistake.
He shits his pants but keeping in the traditional German straight-faced mentality does not show it one bit. When I realize what it is that happened I take off the Freddy Krueger glove, take off the mask, and apologize to the kid profusely.
"Sorry man! I thought you were my friend! He's supposed to come over any minute!" I exclaimed repeatedly.
Turns out my landlord's daughter ordered a pizza, and since their house is right behind mine, he got confused. It happens more often than not, especially with their lingerie catalogs and other bits of junk mail. I even recieved some weird package once that a delivery boy put in my garage while I was at work, in hopes I would get it when returning home. Perhaps it was some weird sex toy or something - I didn't bother opening the package either way.
Anycase the pizza boy figured out what was going on and started laughing too, and then left to drop off the pizza. In reality the kid is traumatized for life and will never deliver pizza again or start packing an uzi or something. Heh.
In the meantime, Zhombie shows up 5 minutes after the said incident, and no sooner do I put the mask and glove back on, does fuck-nuts ring the doorbell and I scream at the top of my lungs once again as I open the door. He proceeds to shit his pants and runs away as I laugh my fucking ass off, only to realize what's going on. He calls me a douchebag for being so juvenile and we go out to eat at some shitty Italian restaurant instead.
Heh. Perhaps Zhombie's purpose in my life is to take whatever sadistic punishment I can think of. Scaring the shit outta him is just a start. Before all is said and done, I want to get some fucking HE-SHE DUDE tranny stripper for him, and hire the walking freak of nature to give Zhombie the "Bachelor Party of his life". Considering he doesn't even have a girlfriend it will be a real fucking hoot to see the expression on his face.
"My name's 'Secret' - what's yours?!?"
I'm definitely going to Hell for that one.
Heh.
posted by Machine at 8:16 PM
1 Comments:
lol. I would have loved to see the face on the pizza delivery boy. He's lucky he didn't drop the pizza and have to go and get another.
Post a Comment
<< Home