Tool in Mannheim
Okay.
I get my car from the dealership in Landstuhl and the fucking bill comes out to 256 Euro - which is roughly $330 by my estimates just for some smelly kraut named Hans or Sigi to change a few engine wires and fix the air intake flow meter or whatever. Fucking goddamned Germans will rob you blind for this shit. Assholes.
Anycase, after much deliberating and what not, I decide to go to the TOOL concert with Zhombie and his band of Merry Fuck-tards up in Mannheim, but there's a catch - I'm taking my newly repaired BROKESWAGON and will follow them so I can leave early from the concert. I have a meeting with all the fucking asshole colonels and it's going to be my first "face time" with these silly fuck-nuts, and I don't wanna look like death warmed-over from lack of sleep. So I follow He-Bitch on the A6, and during the hour it took us to travel, said dumb-ass almost got rear-ended twice by some kraut doing 150+ kph (roughly 95 mph) in the fast lane because he didn't check his mirror before changing lanes. Good thing I wasn't riding inside.
Once we get to the concert, the Germans are waiting outside the concert arena. It resembles more of some shitty warehouse or your high school auditorium than it does a real concert hall but the acoustics are pretty good. No sooner do we get through security does MASTODON start playing. Holy shit! Mastodon! I made fun of their Blood Mountain CD earlier but had no idea they'd be opening up for Tool! They put on a pretty good show too, all things considered.
The real fun happened when Tool started playing. Sorry guys - no photos - the German security guards were royal fucking assholes and would go so far as to shine a huge flash light on your ass if they suspected anyone of taking pics illegally, and even crowd-dived to get to a few would-be law breakers. Besides I'm not one to take valuables to these events anyways since inevitably some asshole is going to shove his way around and ruin your spot. It happened with some moaning fag and his girlfriend last night. I wanted to cold cock the fucker with my elbow in his temple, only he started dancing like some hippy freak and nobody else seemed to give a shit.
Fucking Tool. James Maynard Keenan or whatever the fuck his name is, comes out on stage wearing a GAS MASK with the microphone some how connected to it so he can sing and be heard. He's running around shirtless with what appears to be IPod armband cases on each arm, and a shitty mohawk haircut to boot. All throughout the concert he's dancing around like said moaning fag and keeping his back to the audience. Behind him are 3 large screens showing their videos and all sortsa weird psychedlic shit. Everything was cool until they started showing fucking UFO pictures and shit, turning it into some New-Age Star Trek gathering. I lost all respect for him at that point.
Despite the Klingons from Uranus videos, the music kicked ass. I had to leave early, like I said, since I had to wake up early for some fucking dumb-ass meeting that didn't make a fucking difference after all. Had I known I would've stayed until the end and walked in looking like shit. Nobody would've noticed. So fucking help me, Ram-Shaft is going to beat me like a circus chimp and fuck me like whore before all is said and done. All for a goddamned fraction of a percent. You military types know exactly what I'm talking about.
I bought two of their CDs today at the BX but won't run out any time soon to buy a t-shirt or whatever. They sound great live, and figure as a joke I'll form a tribute band that I'll call LOOT (get it?), and I'll do all the artsy-fucked up shit that James guy does. Zhombie thinks the reason why he was wearing a gas mask was because he wants to remain anonymous and hates being a celebrity and all. I said it was because he was protesting the military and their presence in Iraq. Who knows. Chances are the lead guitarist ate Messican food before the concert and has chronic Irritable Bowel Syndrome as a result.
Yep, I would wear a gas mask too.
Heh.
I get my car from the dealership in Landstuhl and the fucking bill comes out to 256 Euro - which is roughly $330 by my estimates just for some smelly kraut named Hans or Sigi to change a few engine wires and fix the air intake flow meter or whatever. Fucking goddamned Germans will rob you blind for this shit. Assholes.
Anycase, after much deliberating and what not, I decide to go to the TOOL concert with Zhombie and his band of Merry Fuck-tards up in Mannheim, but there's a catch - I'm taking my newly repaired BROKESWAGON and will follow them so I can leave early from the concert. I have a meeting with all the fucking asshole colonels and it's going to be my first "face time" with these silly fuck-nuts, and I don't wanna look like death warmed-over from lack of sleep. So I follow He-Bitch on the A6, and during the hour it took us to travel, said dumb-ass almost got rear-ended twice by some kraut doing 150+ kph (roughly 95 mph) in the fast lane because he didn't check his mirror before changing lanes. Good thing I wasn't riding inside.
Once we get to the concert, the Germans are waiting outside the concert arena. It resembles more of some shitty warehouse or your high school auditorium than it does a real concert hall but the acoustics are pretty good. No sooner do we get through security does MASTODON start playing. Holy shit! Mastodon! I made fun of their Blood Mountain CD earlier but had no idea they'd be opening up for Tool! They put on a pretty good show too, all things considered.
The real fun happened when Tool started playing. Sorry guys - no photos - the German security guards were royal fucking assholes and would go so far as to shine a huge flash light on your ass if they suspected anyone of taking pics illegally, and even crowd-dived to get to a few would-be law breakers. Besides I'm not one to take valuables to these events anyways since inevitably some asshole is going to shove his way around and ruin your spot. It happened with some moaning fag and his girlfriend last night. I wanted to cold cock the fucker with my elbow in his temple, only he started dancing like some hippy freak and nobody else seemed to give a shit.
Fucking Tool. James Maynard Keenan or whatever the fuck his name is, comes out on stage wearing a GAS MASK with the microphone some how connected to it so he can sing and be heard. He's running around shirtless with what appears to be IPod armband cases on each arm, and a shitty mohawk haircut to boot. All throughout the concert he's dancing around like said moaning fag and keeping his back to the audience. Behind him are 3 large screens showing their videos and all sortsa weird psychedlic shit. Everything was cool until they started showing fucking UFO pictures and shit, turning it into some New-Age Star Trek gathering. I lost all respect for him at that point.
Despite the Klingons from Uranus videos, the music kicked ass. I had to leave early, like I said, since I had to wake up early for some fucking dumb-ass meeting that didn't make a fucking difference after all. Had I known I would've stayed until the end and walked in looking like shit. Nobody would've noticed. So fucking help me, Ram-Shaft is going to beat me like a circus chimp and fuck me like whore before all is said and done. All for a goddamned fraction of a percent. You military types know exactly what I'm talking about.
I bought two of their CDs today at the BX but won't run out any time soon to buy a t-shirt or whatever. They sound great live, and figure as a joke I'll form a tribute band that I'll call LOOT (get it?), and I'll do all the artsy-fucked up shit that James guy does. Zhombie thinks the reason why he was wearing a gas mask was because he wants to remain anonymous and hates being a celebrity and all. I said it was because he was protesting the military and their presence in Iraq. Who knows. Chances are the lead guitarist ate Messican food before the concert and has chronic Irritable Bowel Syndrome as a result.
Yep, I would wear a gas mask too.
Heh.
posted by Machine at 9:43 PM
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