Faded (or why it is I hate cover bands)

Faded is the name of a shitty cover band from Seoul. These guys are all prior Army/Air Force that decided the military wasn't for them, only they realized how good they had it when they were in, and sponge off the USFK resources still. They get gigs with the USO here to tour the different installations we have on the ROK and get paid to perform their renditions of Top 40 songs that have come and gone. While Kunsan may get the occasional celebrity like Sinbad or Coolio (anyone remember them?), some of the more austere places along the DMZ are lucky if anyone comes to visit, and that's where bands like Faded move in for the kill.

I saw these losers perform here last year in Sept/Oct time-frame and thought they sucked donkey balls then. They didn't know any Sabbath or Ozzy tunes when I asked them to play some, but played awful shit like Creed and Blink 182. What the fuck? You're going to claim to be a band yet can't even play something as basic as Crazy Train or Iron Man? Get the fuck out already!

Well, 6 months had passed and perhaps these dudes took a hint and got their shit together, right? Well, we'll get to that in just a moment.



Like the sign mentioned, the band was going to start playing around 7 pm. A small group of people had already gathered up - people with nothing to do except drink beer and chill out. These are your usual run-of-the-mill flightline guys usually who work their asses off to make sure the jets take off on time, and want to unload for the weekend without having so much a care. Decent people for the most part.

At one end of the field they had a food booth set up where you could buy hot dogs and beer and what not, and the other end had a USO raffle booth giving away free prizes - stupid shit primarily - a Game Boy Advance, a shitty CD stereo, and some ghetto DVD player - all under $100 in value. There were also footballs, soccer balls, and band posters that were being handed out by some asshole Limey Brit while the band played. He tried getting the crowd worked up, only he fell short. Horribly short. He made himself look more like an ass than someone with charisma. People started ignoring him after a minute of his banter.




AFN was there too - the chick next to the camera was pretty hot and at first I thought she was a wanna-be star fucker, but it turns out she works at the radio station on base. We shot one another glances but nothing more came of that. No way am I going to talk to her with 3 other swinging dicks surrounding her. Besides, anything stupid I would say to her would be caught on film.

I decide to have a seat in the bleachers and these 3 redneck guys are slamming down brews. They have an ice chest full of beer and are just chilling out. Some 19/20 year old cop comes over and tells them they need to get rid of all their beer since some of the senior leadership has arrived and it "doesn't look good" according to them.

Once again, Mom and Dad are in control, as always.

The rednecks only have 3 beers left and slam them right quick. Instead of giving the cop some shit, they figure they may as well comply since they don't want any shit from anyone.




The band decides to come out at 7:30, and not 7pm as promised. WTF? They're not big name rock stars like Marilyn Manson or Zakk Wylde, so it's not like they have alot of behind the scenes shit they need to do. They're just being lazy. They start singing some stupid shit by getting the night started.

Remember those 3 redneck guys? They're more like the redneck version of the 3 Stooges. While being well-behaved at first, they start talking shit amongst one another and they start to horse-play. No big deal, right? Get a few brews in yah and yah wanna let loose. Only, it went from Tom-Foolery hi-jinks to shoving and then a fist-fight. No sooner did it begin than it ended.

Some asshole Tech Sargeant I've seen running around on base pulls his ID card out and starts to shove it in their face like he's making a citizen's arrest and his ID card is a make-shift police badge. To describe what this dude looks like, is like taking one of the "Bobs" from Office Space and give him a 24/7 constipated look on his face.



There yah go. The guy on the left.

Anycase, him and some fat black guy apprehend the "Curly" of the 3 Redneck Stooges, while calling for the same 20 year old cop to come up and do his job. The cop has this stupid look on his face and it doesn't register to him that his assistance is needed until a minute or so of continual hand gestures. Then the lightbulb in this dude's head dimly lights up and he puts 2 + 2 together. And we trust this genius with a firearm, folks. Nice.

As Asshole TSgt continues throwing his rank around, everyone starts to notice how much I'm laughing as all of this is taking place. After all, I'm sitting directly behind them and paying more attention to what's going on instead of the band on stage. Well, Asshole TSgt starts getting pissed at me and starts shooting me dirty looks like I'm next on his quest for authoritarian power. Moe and Larry of the Redneck Stooges start noticing as well, only they don't say shit since the cops are there giving Curly grief still. They all get pissed and just do nothing for the moment.

All of this is going on as the band continues playing. They play some bullshit by 3 Doors Down and some other chick-music crap that I wasn't paying much attention to. Fuel I think I remember the lead singer saying. Anycase it wasn't any sooner than the 5th song that I decided this shit was for the birds, and took off to call it an evening. Asshole TSgt still had the perpetual constipated look on his face and I'd much rather go back to my room in the barracks and play X-Box instead. I suppose after having seen Black Label Society in Tokyo last week, some shitty cover band pales in comparison. As much as I bagged on FFH for being a Jesus-Freak band, they had more talent in their pinky fingers than all of Faded did collectively because they sang original music and it didn't suck. Take away the whole religious angle and they could hold their own on any mainstream radio station in the US. Either way, cover bands have no talent in my opinion because they stick to what's safe instead of growing a pair of balls and taking a risk.

I wandered back to my room, but not before bumping into the 20 year old kid cop that had busted Curly. He was coming back from the LE Desk after having filed the paperwork when he decided he wanted to give me some shit for laughing at the whole even earlier. Or at least tried to. He started to follow me as I continued walking back to "The Bunker" but was then cut off as he saw his flight leader off duty and decided it wasn't worth the hassle in bothering me. After all, I was nothing more than a witness and a by-stander to tonight's events and if he's going to let his badge and position go to his head, I'll play the rank card and give his First Sargeant a bunch of shit for false arrest and demand he pull gate guard duties as punishment. I've had plenty of run-ins with cops when I was younger, and know from experience that he can't do shit if you're minding your own business and not saying a thing. Why it is we give power to people so young and immature, I don't know but it feeds into the problem and not the solution.

Overall, I could tell that Faded hadn't changed their format. They sucked then and they sucked now, and it's a shame the USO continues to throw money away on these no-talent hacks. I'd rather have them spend a few more bucks and get Slayer to perform instead of some ex-military losers that can't write an original song to save their lives.

If I wanted to hear shitty music, I'd turn on AFN Radio.