Giving Thanks

So. It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and all of us selfish, lazy fucks are gonna get stuffed on good food while we sit on our fat asses watching football on TV. We are truly best defined by this holiday as Americans since no other day can we devote to total gluttony and still have it socially acceptable. We had Thanksgiving Day celebration yesterday in my office by having a potluck luncheon. Everyone was supposed to bring in something to eat and since I have a bunch of bitches in my office, they all decided to cook which is cool. Thanksgiving is one of the few days out of the year where I get a home cooked meal absolutely free and don't have to listen to some bullshit lecture or my mother's nagging voice. I don't cook and figured I'd bring some bullshit like a bag of chips or whatever and got a bag of Doritos. No sooner than I did that than some ghetto bitch I'll call "Shaquita" that I work with started to give me some attitude, asking me if I had lost my mind by doing something like this. No sooner did she start up than her ghetto-hags start cackling and joined right in. "You better back the hell up woman!" I told her and explained she was lucky I even brought something to begin with. My cheap ass could've shown up with just my appetite and nothing more but instead I chose to contribute to these ungrateful cunts by getting some food. But to prove my point, I added injury to insult by taking my bag of chips away from the table where all the food was and proceeded to EAT them before putting them away for good. Fuck them and their ungrateful stupid asses. Instead of giving you all some stupid horseshit lecture about how we should all be thankful for what we have this holiday, I am going to go in the opposite direction for a change and say I am thankful for the fact I can get on people's nerves and irritate the fuck out of the majority out there, women especially. All my life I've been branded as a spazz and a reject who is tolerated in short doses and for quite some time it bothered me, only I'm past that now and relish the fact most women find me morally repulsive and would rather fuck the Elephant Man than give me a hand-job wearing 3 layers of latex gloves. I am thankful that I am the asshole that mothers see in public and tell their children to get the hell away from, and religious fundies can't touch despite their Bible-thumping rhetoric and scare-tactics. I am thankful that I am the son of a bitch who laughs at your misfortunes (read: schadenfreude)when Karma decides to bitch-slap you since you're the same motherfucker who's been laughing at me all along, and then tell everyone to go rub it in. I am thankful that I am living proof that the underdog can survive, have his cake and still eat it and while I'll never be accepted in most social circles, I will always be needed to do your dirty work. It is at that time when I best shine and take great delight when you have to give this Devil his due, because you have to admit that without me you're too damn stupid or too damn chickenshit to get the job done. I smile from ear to fucking ear all the while. I am your moral janitor, I am your spiritual garbageman. So. Happy Thanksgiving assholes! Be glad I'm not banging your sister.