It's Sleazy

Heh.


One thing I've always enjoyed in the music scene is the amount of originality that stems from musicians.


No, no, no - not the corporate bullshit rock you hear on the radio, nor the generic street thug screaming obscenities into an open mic - yah seen one of those assholes you've seen them all - and you asshole continue to support that music (and you still wonder why it is commercial radio sucks)!

Well let me introduce you to the biggest has-been band that never made it big:


GWAR





Yes. GWAR. Some people think it stands for GOD WHAT AWFUL RACKET while others think it means GAY WOMEN AGAINST RAPE, or even possibly GREAT WHITE ARYAN RACE - unfortunately the band members say that their name has no meaning, but I like the first idea the best since it has the funniest response. Heh.

They have this movie out that I picked up when I was in San Antonio the other month, that I finally got around to watching - IT'S $LEAZY - where their manager - SLEAZY P. MARTINI does some rip-off talk show that's a cross between Springer, Ricki Lake, and Geraldo. Of course it's a slap in the face to these toilet bowl somantics you see people do for ratings, and these guys play it to the hilt.

For example, one nervous mother comes on stage, saying how GWAR influenced her 5 year old to turn into an evil version of Beavis - and eat his dad. He comes out on stage, eats her, and then Sleazy P. shoots him in the face with a shotgun. Another part of the parody, some former M-TV VJ (I couldn't figure out who it was they were making fun of) comes out as a Trans-sexual midget, cuts off his penis before the audience, and then throws it at them. But the weirdest thing that happens is when some dude named SCRODA MOON comes out, claiming to be the long lost cousin of GWAR, and has some ancient tablet that will bring about the end of the world if broken. Sleazy P. decides to capitalize on this by having the band come busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid man, only they bust through the wrong wall, and break the tablet instead! What happens next is kinda hazy....I was laughing so damn hard I couldn't help myself - this is in no specific order.

There's a giant demonic raisin that gets fought.

There are ads for freshly-squeezed butt juice. And sheep tampons.

Elvis Presley comes back from the dead and GWAR kills him. Then they steal the drugs left in his stomach and get high.

Sleazy P's All-You-Can-Eat Crab Shack has a morbidly obese woman with pubic lice, and all these dudes feasting.

In the spirit of the Groovy Ghoulies, there's F.U.C.K. - what it stands for I dunno, but they have all the horror monsters living beneath the same roof - and they're a bunch of stoners. CRANKENSTEIN, KING TOKE, CRACKULA, THE HEROIN and the AWARE-WOLF MAN all have a cameo bit, waiting for their dealer to show up. (side note: Come to think of it, I can't help but to compare watching GWAR to the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons from the late 60's and early 70's, such as Josie and the PussyCats, Scooby-Do, The Flintstones, and of course - Captain Caveman).

GWAR fights the JAEGER MONSTA - a skeletal monster, who when you look at him, you automatically become drunk. They fight him, rip his head off, and drink his Jaegermeister blood.

An interdimensional talking toilet - something you'd find in Pee Wee's PlayHouse has all the tablets and once GWAR brings out a giant toilet plunger, he coughs them up - usually with someone (or something) attached to it.

Tons of body parts getting hacked, slashed, and fake blood going everywhere.

In the end, GWAR succeeds to piece the tablet back together, and a giant monster resembling EDDIE of IRON MAIDEN popularity comes out, and they fight it. By this time, Sleazy P. has had enough, and decides to call it a show.

Of course it's kinda late to be getting into GWAR - but what the hell - BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, right? I have a few of their other films plus one of their CDs - WAR PARTY - if I like them enough I'll start buying more of their music off the internet. I can see they're right up my alley already.




Heh.