The Hobbit

Like everyone else, I saw the new Hobbit movie over the weekend. I took my old lady out to see the flick at the Broadway Kino there in Landstuhl. I ate my usual nachos with cheese and two cokes to wash it down, as my woman gave me a hand-job during the opening credits. Damn it was awesome. I even jizzed all over some dude in front of me when Elijah Wood made his cameo appearance!

I started thinking about the Hobbit, and how fags who like to take it up the ass are called Heiney Hobbits. I figure it was only a matter of time before some XXX gay porno version of The Hobbit is made...call it The Heiney Hobbit, The Throbbit or whatever the hell those sick fucks in the porn industry think of. Gandalf could be some dirty old perv who goes to the Hobbit village and gives Bilbo Baggins a good ass-pounding with his cane. Then for good measure, he grabs a handful of Smurfs and shoves them up his ass. As the Smurfs all gasp for air and freedom, that's when Gandalf finishes off Bilbo and butt-dukes him with his own magic wand. Gollum would be some chronic masturbator who prefers dark caves, but because he has herpes, he can't get any ass-action. The golden ring is the only thing that soothes his ass and wang herpes, and when Bilbo Baggins steals it, he starts screaming as they burn uncontrollably.

For the rest of the weekend I was fixated on ass-jokes. Booty Juice. Ba-Donka-Donka Booty. Butt-Bongo. My old lady thought at one point I was gonna invade her "no man's land" but because I actually like her, I decided not to. I gotta admit - as degrading as the black culture is towards women, sex, and people in general, they've got some damn good butt-jokes. It seems natural that black comedians should work more ass-jokes into their material, since they have covered everything from watermelon, chicken, and slavery, to white pussy, purple Kool-Aid, and homosexuality. And who says that the black community has nothing worthwhile to contribute?

Heh.