Resiliency Day 2019

So today, I had to sit through some bullshit Resiliency Day, because once again, the Air Force has people offing themselves over some stupid bullshit....like everyday Air Force bullshit.

It's also the day that coincides with Randy's death (I'm still uncertain as to the details, however I have my suspicions that it was before his time).

And it's also my 14 year anniversary of arriving to Germany.

Fuck.

Fuck.

and

Fuck.

Honestly, this Resiliency Day stuff is a joke. It's like slapping a band-aid on a malignant tumor, and hoping it will be cured. It's nothing more than commotion, just to keep watch-dog groups and angry relatives appeased, while deny culpability by the Department of Defense. It's a slap in the face to any decency, or honest discussion as to why this horrible, shitty problem continues to plague the military.

I can say from my perspective that it boils down to a few things, although this is not an inclusive list:

Toxic leadership - both NCOs and officers

Incompetent leadership - both NCOs and officers

A mission OPs tempo that separates families continually in some cases; the early 90's with Desert Storm and the following commitments, as well as Desert Storm II in the early 2000's and the following commitments.

Remote assignments to places like Korea, Kuwait, Qatar, etc. - stripping people of their rights and universal human dignities, all in the name of "Force Protection", and worse, acting like royal fucking assholes the entire time about it. This is where both the toxic and incompetent leadership I mentioned a moment ago really comes in to play.

The UCMJ - I cannot stress this enough. I've seen good people lose their careers overnight, all on account of overzealous commanders and feminazi First Sergeants interpretation and application of Article 134 and its counterparts. I've been on the receiving end of some minor offenses, but it was mild, compared to how good people lose their stripes and end up getting discharged over shit that nobody would care about in the civilian sector. I could go on for days, and give in depth details as to the whys and hows, but all you need to do is look at my previous entries here to get a better idea.

The Air Force will continue to scratch their heads and wonder why this problem persists, when they can simply cut the shit and level with people. Granted, not everyone who decides to take their lives is doing it because of the dysfunctional lifestyle that the military keeps people in, but at the very least, they can quit behaving like it's you're fault for not being able to cope with the dysfunctional lifestyle they insist its members live by.

The worst part about today was having to listen to four different testimonies from some people. One of them was the Chief of the squadron. A good guy from what I can tell, and not afraid to level with people, but you can tell that he definitely robbed Peter to pay Paul to get where he is sitting today, and while he didn't acknowledge it, he regrets it. I am amazed that he was open enough with the fact that he's been through similar situations not too different from myself, but somehow he was able to rise above it. Well, good for him. It's kind of hard to be optimistic when two different First Sergeants, and three different squadron superintendents were all trying to damage my military career within a 10 year period, all on account that they didn't like me. Never mind the fact that my work produced consistent solid results, and that I never broke the law, or caused problems within the community. It was the simple fact that I'm awkward, and they smelled it within the moment they met me. Officers and Flight Surgeons too. It's why I have very low regard for these "leaders" who "embody" the Air Force Core Values, and why it is I will never have anything nice to say about the Air Force. Ever.

Heh.

J.D

I'm sad to say that Randy's oldest son, J.D., is no longer walking the earth. This past Friday, his brother Casey, mentioned on Facebook that J.D. had passed, but left out that he had taken his own life. This was tragic and heartbreaking news.

I got along with J.D. when I was at Misawa, and again when he was at Ramstein. Just like his dad, he was really cool, really accepting, and an all-around fun guy to be with. Watching him and his dad hang out and drink beer was hilarious. They would joke about some of the people we all knew, and even some of the sluts that came on to Randy at the bar. To my knowledge, Randy had always remained faithful to his wife, despite any rumors or controversy which others may have reported.

J.D. was convinced that one time I had bought him some cigarettes when we were in Misawa. I never did this, but he was certain that I had. "Yeah, you bought them for me, and me and a friend smoked them!" he insisted. I don't know where he got the idea. but I never had.

There was an Irish pub in Ramstein village that J.D. worked at, and some money had come up missing from the register - about $800. The bar owner assumed it was J.D., but I knew that he hadn't taken anything; it wasn't his character. In the end, I don't know what the result was, but J.D. was never charged with a crime. I suppose it worked itself out.

I remember in 2010, we all went to a party for some of the high school kids. Me, Randy, J.D. and Casey, went out for a night of drinking. The parents were chaperoning and Randy wanted the company, so I tagged along. There was a tent in the yard, away from the main area, that some of the kids were using to smoke weed. One of the dads smelled it, threw a shit fit (naturally), and had the tent tore down on the spot, and the suspected kids removed immediately. J.D. was suspected as being involved, but he wasn't near it at the time, and he had telltale proof that he hadn't been smoking any. The tone of the night quickly recovered, and good brews and good tunes were enjoyed by all.

Despite J.D.'s penchant for attracting trouble, he was a good kid, who believed the best in everyone. I use the term "kid" loosely, since he was 30 years old this year. My, how time flies. He always treated me with respect and admiration. I don't know why, but it meant a lot to me. I suppose that like me, J.D. was a lost soul of sorts, who looked up to Randy's peers for guidance. I remember once Randy told me how J.D. went to an acting college back in the States, but he ended up "majoring in partying", as he put it, forcing him to drop out. J.D. was very talented musically, and had seen his live performances at the Irish pub he worked at, so I knew that he was very capable, only he just lacked the direction and discipline. I can only wonder if such a failure was some how influential in all of this.

So Randy and his oldest are both reunited on the other side. I don't think there will be any official funeral for him, nor any photos of his wake, like what was done for Randy. It just really sucks that like father, J.D. chose to take his own life, rather than ask for help. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness, and should never be viewed as such. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if J.D.'s passing was some how as a result of Randy's passing, some 2 years earlier. Randy's death left a very big hole in their family, and has really had long-term results. People are still posting messages on his Facebook memorial to this very day. The impact has been immeasurable.

I wish his family comfort and solace in these times. Casey is now the oldest, with a son of his own on the way. The irony is that his son is due this month. One Dickman for another. I just hope that this is the last we hear of any such news.