Getting settled

So I have some of my shit delivered yesterday and some furniture delivered to my new house today. The shit is starting to feel like a home finally! I need to definitely get some of my own furniture since the stuff I have is a temp loan, but by the time people come to visit me next year, I should have enough to function. Today I am going to talk with the German phone company about getting my phone installed which will give me the ability to get internet. Because the village I live in is small, they don't have DSL capability but still have ISDN which sucks. No X-Box on-line or anything like that. I suppose for the deal I am getting on the house, it's not too bad. I am looking forward to getting settled in the weeks and months to come. The Germans on the street I live with seem pretty cool and there are a few MILFs running around the village. While I am reluctant to shit where I eat, I am also reaching the breaking point and need to get laid. Horribly. Not only am I about to go blind, but I'm starting to suffer from the deaded B.S.D. Yes. It's that bad!

Burned by an old flame

So I go see an old flame I used to fuck from a while ago this past weekend. Good times, I thought I was going to get some ass again, right? WRONG. Turns out she's banging someone else and I figured that would happen to a certain extent, only I didn't think she would stick with the fucker. This guy is fucking pathetic. F-U-C-K-I-N-G P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. He treats her like shit by playing all sorts of head games and then whines when he doesn't get any ass. Goddamned pussy. I met the dude and he didn't impress me at all. What's even worse is that NOBODY likes this dude, so I'm thinking why the fuck is she still with him? She fucked up. That's what it was. She fucked up and she's being a big girl about it. She's riding it out until shit head leaves next year, and has even expressed to me her unhappiness with the current sitch, and how "we" are going to have to wait until things improve if "we" want to pick up where "we" left off. Well this isn't good enough for me. I'm not gonna drive an hour out of my way just for fucking milk and cookies, and no way in hell am I gonna tolerate this asshole dumping his load in her on a recurring basis. The gloves are off. The movers are delivering my shit this week and my supplies are going to be put to good use. It's been well over a year since I've had a serious talk with the Man Downstairs since I was in the barracks in Korea, but now's the time to resume the other relationship I had going as well. Never let it be said that the Man Downstairs doesn't listen. It's just that the majority of what is spoken isn't worth his while. You just need to know how to get his attention, and on that note I'm not one to give away trade secrets. Figure it out yourself if you're that curious. So now is the time for me to put my house in order and get things right. Should be interesting.

The Machine has Wheels

Goddamn right, it's about time too.

Djus has more or less "sold" me her piece of shit BMW and I couldn't be happier. I'm going to fix the fucker up and rip off some unsuspecting fucker by charging 3 times the amount I paid for it. I will even go so far as to lie through my teeth if need be in order to make a profit. My Passat gets here next month so as long as the Beemer gets me to and from work, that's all that matters to me. It's not like I'm pulling bitches to begin with.

I saw some dude wipe out on his motorcycle the other day going into work. It was pretty fucking gnarly too, only he didn't become a road pizza or anything. It was still really dark when I was going to work and I saw the dude dump his bike when I heard a loud "thud" on the pavement and all these sparks fly. He jumped right up and dodged the traffic behind him. Chances are he had so much adrenaline pumping he didn't feel anything until 10-20 minutes later. My stint as an EMT taught me that.

I've purchased 2 more knives that look hella fucking sweet. I need to take photos of my knife collection and show you assholes what I'm talking about. I still don't have internet connection where I am staying, and have to rely on either the library or this shitty AT&T terminal to communicate with people. I even tried hooking my laptop up the other night to the IP port in the room and it was dead. When talking to the old fucker at the front desk, he looked at me like I was asking him to perform brain surgery or something. Forget about it then.

So another weekend is upon us. It's supposed to rain like hell too. When all else fails, there's always the PSP to keep me company. Enjoy.

Decisions

I don't know who's more annoying than the other:

Adam Sandler or the singer known as Jamiroquai.

Fucking watching German M-TV, they keep playing that goddamned video of his (Jamiroquai, not Adam Sandler's), and he's bopping around the place like some goddamned retard souped up on a sugar-high and hasn't had his Ritalin for the day. There's also the video by the Gorillaz where the Chinese girl dances in her room while the bloated cyborg head of Shaun Ryder (Happy Mondays fame) sings shite lyrics. Fucking Hell.

Yes. My life for the past 10 days here has been that of television and work. It sucks not having a car to drive and get around just yet, and because Billeting doesn't have internet connection, this blog suffers directly. I still haven't even had a chance to check my REAL mail-box since the post office is located too far the fuck for me to walk to and back during my lunch break and I'm not about to bother my stupid co-workers to gimme a ride. From what I can tell, they're too busy in their precious Prozac-pampered fucking worlds to lift a goddamned finger out of their own benevolence or generosity. I won't approach people who are too self-absorbed to notice people in need. It's just not the way I operate.

Anycase, another weekend is upon me and I'll probably just fuck off playing PSP and ordering a pepperoni pizza. I'm too cheap to go out drinking this weekend and still have a bottle of Jaeger in my fridge I can polish off. Please people. Send me some love or something.

Food Poisoning and my Trip to the Landstuhl E.R.

Things were going pretty well this weekend until Monday when I was hit with a bout of food poisoning. It was really nothing at first until 1am the following morning I was shitting my guts out on the 4th floor commode. Fucking Christ.

I had eaten some tuna fish earlier that day and think that is what probably did it, since that is the only meat in my diet. Unless I am home on leave trashing my diet, I usually stick to tuna, rice, and assorted vegetables like carrots and green peas as my main staple. Anyhow, I went to bed around 10pm watching The Three Amigos on the movie channel, feeling somewhat crampy and figured it was from the running I had done recently. No big deal. I quickly dozed off to sleep without a care.

Around 1am I was rudely awaken, running to the bathroom easily 2 - 3 times throughout the hour, paying homage to the porcelain goddess through fecal atonements, while praying that whatever it was that was afflicting me would quickly pass. So was not the case. I ended calling a co-worker to take me to the Landstuhl E.R. as soon as the sun came up, so I could take care of this shit once and for all - pun completely intended.

My co-worker who we will call "Barbie" since she lacks looks and personality (read:Sarcasm), shows up late since she decided to first stop at the Vogelweh Shoppette to get some coffee and forgot her ID card at the cash register. Waitaminnut. I'm shitting my guts out and ready to puke and you're more concerned about getting a goddamned cuppa Joe? FUCK ME RUNNING! Remind me to never call you for anything else again, especially if I am on my death bed, you twat! Fucking Christ!

Well, after we go back to retrieve her ID card, we make it to the Landstuhl E.R., only I have to walk about 50 yards to make it to the front door, and she offers no assistance whatsoever. I'm barely on both feet and not so much an arm to brace me with or a wheel chair. I can tell that working with Barbie is going to prove to be a royal bitch in the weeks and months to come, providing one of us doesn't get a clue first, and I'm thinking it's her. Anycase, I make it to the E.R. where they get me taken care of and throw an IV in my arm with some Phenergan to zonk me the fuck out. By now I had a Class 1 raging headache from being so dehydrated, the only thing I wanted to do was to vege out on some good shit. Some chubby Army chick shot me up fulla juice and had I been in better spirits I woulda chatted her up and got a phone number outta her. But the Machine only operates with a 1-track mind and it depends on what's going on at the moment that depends on which track I'm on.

After about 3 hours of blissful sleep being interrupted by a screaming toddler in the next room, I get released to be put on quarters for 24 hours. I call Barbie to come pick me up only she couldn't understand simple English like "I'll meet you were you dropped me off" so we end up playing hide-and-go-seek for an hour plus. When I finally locate her, she takes me back to my room in Billeting and I proceed to crash the entire afternoon up until this morning. The sleep did me that good.

So, thinking that everday's a new day, I go to work today and get called in by my superintendent. It turns out that she wants to know what all this was about and why I was sick and whether or not it was alcohol related. I fucking throw a SHIT FIT in her office, telling her that I've only been in country for a week and whoever the hell is starting such rumors doesn't know me well enough to be making such accusations. I get livid and tell her I want to know who it is that is talking such shit, only she doesn't cough up any names. Had we been working with eachtother for 6 months or so I would laugh at such an accusation since although it's not far off from the truth, I have never let my drinking interfere with work in my career. Not once. Ever. She looks at me thinking "Holy shit, what I have done to piss this guy off?" and quickly drops the topic.

Aside from that things were pretty cool. I can tell that if I want any help from co-workers here that I will have to either bribe them with a $20 bill or threaten them with physical pain, depending on who it is. I'd rather do neither but with co-workers like Barbie, I can tell that I'll be in for quite a surprise.

Other things I've noticed while being in Germany -

The Simpsons in German is nowhere near as funny as it is in English. The only character who sounds the same is Lisa Simpson.

The Germans show hard-core porn on televsion around 2 - 3 am nightly, UNCENSORED>

The Euro rate sucks. The Euro sucks. I'd rather have Deutschemarks instead.

I need to move my ass from Vogelweh to Ramstein so I don't have to wait for the goddamned shuttle bus to get me.

The autobahn kicks ass although there's always some twat driving too slow for everyone else to enjoy it.

German chicks age pretty well although most German women look no different from American women when they get huge.

Weekend in K-Town

Kaiserslautern or "K-Town" as it is known, is a great place to party.

Misty Bochery aka Juicy Girl went out Thursday night and last night to go drinking until the wee hours of the morning.

I like Juicy. Or as I call her "Djus". She's hella cool to party with and one mega-babe hottie. Like she said on her blog, we discussed the fact I wanted to hit it, only there was just no chemistry involved.

Eh. Whatever.

Instead, I made one cool party-buddy I can hang out with and have a great time with! Plus if you think about it, having a hot chick to hang out with means the other chicks won't be so defensive if I start talking to them since they will think there's a bit of mystery involved. Rock on.

Anycase, we went out both nights to a place called "Thursty Nelly's" which is an Irish pub and Djus was absolutely loving it. While it wasn't exactly my cup of tea, I figured I would tag along for the company and enjoy the evening - which I did - until this one dude named Wes came up and started imposing himself. Wes isn't a bad dude but he was making an ass out of himself the entire evening, telling me I needed to find a wife for the night to get laid. Usually I reserve the right to act like an ass but this dude was over-stepping his bounds when he was telling the hottie waitress of my loser-inability to get some ass and wanted her to give me her phone number. Now as fucked up and as crazy as I may be, I've learned the majority of waitresses don't date the clientel, the same way strippers don't take their work home with them. While there are exceptions to the rule, most of them know that business is business. I needed a breath of fresh air and decided to go walking around.

Ultimately I ended up at the Harp Inn, which is the other Irish pub in K-Town. Now here I was feeling it. I was enjoying the atmosphere and the barmaid was cool. This Russian chick who resembles Elizabeth Hurley somewhat was glad to see I had made it back again after the other night of slamming Jaegermeister and Coke all night. I started drinking but had ran out of Euro and needed more. There was a nearby ATM I went to, only it wasn't taking my cards so I ended up having to go back to Vogelweh Billeting to get more cash. By the time I made it back, Djus was gone and Wes was gone too. As obnoxious as he was being, I still figured I'd hang out with the guy since there's safety in numbers. I was somewhat disappointed I missed them and called it an early night. I found out this morning that Djus had split off with some other friends she had met and let roughly about the same time I had so it was just some mis-communication.

She's going to sell me one of her older cars - a BMW - that I will drive until my Passat arrives. It runs pretty good and can get me to and from work which is all I care about. Once my VW gets here, I'll sell it for whatever someone wants to give me. Sounds like a total plan.

I don't know if I want to get back into the whole drinking thing while I am over here. I was pretty sober while in Korea and lost a shit-loada weight although I can easily see between the German Schnitzels and Kebabs and the alcohol I will go back to being a fat bastard if I don't watch it. And with Oktoberfest being right around the corner I know that if I don't start exercising and watching my intake, it will happen sooner than I know it!

Germany

I made it to Germany safely the other day and this is the first chance I've had to access the internet. After burning through 100 and 60 some-odd e-mails, I think I am up and running. Internet connection will be dodgy at best for me since the Billeting here where I am located does not carry access and I have to go to the library which is quite a hike if I wish to communicate. So, if I don't reply right away, please keep this in mind.

Okay. Drama time.

Everyone wants to know what the fuck happened as to why I shut this blog down temporarily. You all deserve an answer and I am going to be just as honest with you as I always am - to make a long story short, my sister and I got into this huge argument which has spilled over to include our parents and part of it had to do with this blog. You're probably thinking I'm a pussy for putting everything on hold which is cool - opinions are a dime a dozen and everyone is entitled to having one so it doesn't phase me. At the risk of having an already ugly sitch explode and get out of hand, I figure I would do damage control and take the more conservative route. I will leave out details since things are getting uglier now that I am out of town, but let's just say this will allow me to continue my blog while keeping everyone entertained.

Mississippi - where my bank USED to stand. Yep. I no longer have a "bank" if you will, however I can still access the account and I'm still getting paid. What a relief. If I had no cash then I would beg on the corner or sell body parts if need be - luckily it won't come to that now!

I think I am going to like Germany overall. Being here only 2 days and going from first impressions I think it will begin to make up for all the stupid crap I endured in Korea and elsewhere. I've already found a place to live off-base but it won't be available until October, and the way things are going now that will be perfect timing. I love it when everything falls into place.