Black Weird Al (And Gandalf the Bum)
Holy shit!
Black Weird Al is dead!
Allow me to explain.
For the longest time, there was this old black dude who closely resembled Weird Al, who used to work at the Ramstein Bowling Alley as a short-order cook. I'm not kidding when I say this guy could pass for Weird Al if Weird Al suddenly aged and became black. He had this ugly old glasses similar to the type Weird Al wore back in the 80's, he had this funky afro in the similar appearance to Weird Al's haircut from that time frame, and even this weird looking moustache that Weird Al used to sport. He used to come into the commissary once or twice a week to do his grocery shopping, just hobbling along and taking his dear sweet time. People would greet him and ask how he was doing. Supposedly, the weekend before he died, he was looking really bad, and it was apparent that his health was in decline. He denied any problems when asked if he was going to make it....but he didn't. I guess he died last year at some point. I don't know the details.
This leads me to another local celebrity who used to be seen across base - Gandalf the Bum. That wasn't his real name either, but similar to Black Weird Al, everyone knew who this guy was, even if you didn't know his name. Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings trilogy is this tall, benevolent wise man whose grace and gentle demeanor goes before him. Gandalf the Bum, on the other hand, was this short, angry little homeless guy whose fire and piss-and-vinegar temperament spoke volumes. He would codger about base and take naps where ever he could find a free seat. The BX food court, the Cyber Café, the Enlisted Club...usually he would sleep in the base Laundromat since it was over 24/7, and had a toilet. During the winter months, he would stay there permanently. The last I saw of this guy was around 2007 time frame, as I was driving to Landstuhl. He was walking on the pedestrian path on the opposite side of the road, perhaps as if he was going to find a final resting place. I didn't think anything of it, but after that I no longer saw him. Rumor has that the base commander at the time had a bunch of people removed from the air base because they were not covered by the Status of Forces Agreement, and he was one of them. To add insult to injury, he had them banned from returning to any bases in Europe ever again. What a fucking dick thing to do.
There's some other old guy who shops at the commissary. The fucker has to be at least 80 or 90 years old. He looks like death warmed over, and I think he's gay for me or something. I call him Grandpa Death. Grandpa Death comes through and just reeks of death. What makes me think he sprouts a wrinkled boner for me is that he's always flirtatious when he talks to me, kinda the same way Herbert the Pervert on Family Guy talks to all the young boys. I'm always polite and keep any comments I have to myself, but as of late I haven't seen him shopping there. Maybe Grandpa Death finally met his maker?
I'll end this entry with a German guy I see sitting on the side of the road all the time. Kinda like Gandalf the Bum and Grandpa Death, he's getting up there in age. I see him sitting usually in one of two places, watching cars go by. I call him Old Man Balls. He wears these worker overalls and a worker cap, and has this look on his face like he's expecting someone or perhaps something to happen. I don't know. One Sunday afternoon, I actually saw him walking back to where he lives (I imagine), and he was dressed in his Sunday best. A tan sweater, tan pants and brown shoes. I guess Old Man Balls wanted to look fancy.
Funny how you stay at a place long enough, and you see the locals for who and what they truly are. I'm a local at this point, since I've been here for over 9 years now, and I'm not about to leave Germany any time soon. Makes me wonder what nickname or moniker people have for me behind my back?
Heh.
Black Weird Al is dead!
Allow me to explain.
For the longest time, there was this old black dude who closely resembled Weird Al, who used to work at the Ramstein Bowling Alley as a short-order cook. I'm not kidding when I say this guy could pass for Weird Al if Weird Al suddenly aged and became black. He had this ugly old glasses similar to the type Weird Al wore back in the 80's, he had this funky afro in the similar appearance to Weird Al's haircut from that time frame, and even this weird looking moustache that Weird Al used to sport. He used to come into the commissary once or twice a week to do his grocery shopping, just hobbling along and taking his dear sweet time. People would greet him and ask how he was doing. Supposedly, the weekend before he died, he was looking really bad, and it was apparent that his health was in decline. He denied any problems when asked if he was going to make it....but he didn't. I guess he died last year at some point. I don't know the details.
This leads me to another local celebrity who used to be seen across base - Gandalf the Bum. That wasn't his real name either, but similar to Black Weird Al, everyone knew who this guy was, even if you didn't know his name. Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings trilogy is this tall, benevolent wise man whose grace and gentle demeanor goes before him. Gandalf the Bum, on the other hand, was this short, angry little homeless guy whose fire and piss-and-vinegar temperament spoke volumes. He would codger about base and take naps where ever he could find a free seat. The BX food court, the Cyber Café, the Enlisted Club...usually he would sleep in the base Laundromat since it was over 24/7, and had a toilet. During the winter months, he would stay there permanently. The last I saw of this guy was around 2007 time frame, as I was driving to Landstuhl. He was walking on the pedestrian path on the opposite side of the road, perhaps as if he was going to find a final resting place. I didn't think anything of it, but after that I no longer saw him. Rumor has that the base commander at the time had a bunch of people removed from the air base because they were not covered by the Status of Forces Agreement, and he was one of them. To add insult to injury, he had them banned from returning to any bases in Europe ever again. What a fucking dick thing to do.
There's some other old guy who shops at the commissary. The fucker has to be at least 80 or 90 years old. He looks like death warmed over, and I think he's gay for me or something. I call him Grandpa Death. Grandpa Death comes through and just reeks of death. What makes me think he sprouts a wrinkled boner for me is that he's always flirtatious when he talks to me, kinda the same way Herbert the Pervert on Family Guy talks to all the young boys. I'm always polite and keep any comments I have to myself, but as of late I haven't seen him shopping there. Maybe Grandpa Death finally met his maker?
I'll end this entry with a German guy I see sitting on the side of the road all the time. Kinda like Gandalf the Bum and Grandpa Death, he's getting up there in age. I see him sitting usually in one of two places, watching cars go by. I call him Old Man Balls. He wears these worker overalls and a worker cap, and has this look on his face like he's expecting someone or perhaps something to happen. I don't know. One Sunday afternoon, I actually saw him walking back to where he lives (I imagine), and he was dressed in his Sunday best. A tan sweater, tan pants and brown shoes. I guess Old Man Balls wanted to look fancy.
Funny how you stay at a place long enough, and you see the locals for who and what they truly are. I'm a local at this point, since I've been here for over 9 years now, and I'm not about to leave Germany any time soon. Makes me wonder what nickname or moniker people have for me behind my back?
Heh.
posted by Machine at 11:33 AM
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