Last Day at Youngsan

This is my last day up in Youngsan.

I wandered around briefly in the Itaewon shopping area and took some interesting photos that I need to crop and resize first before I post them here. If it's one thing everybody hates, it's when someone posts a huge-ass pic. Common courtesy, people.

I went out for a little bit last night and watched a live band perform. They were a cover band too. I really don't care for cover bands but I figured what the Hell, why not listen to them for a bit. Everyone in the club was over 40 which shocked the shit out of me. After realizing this, I quickly left and wandered to another club. This was alot nicer in terms of atmosphere but there were no single chicks around. They were either in a group of friends or with their boyfriend/husband. Kinda sucks when you're looking to get laid. So I called it quits and watched Ready to Rumble in my room. Rose McGowan is definitely a hottie.

Today I am going to just relax a little at Osan before taking the bus back to Kunsan. I need to talk with the people at the Passenger Terminal regarding catching a hop too. I really don't feel like wandering off base too much so chances are I'll just read a book or something at the library while waiting for the bus to go home.

More to come as it happens.

More Youngsan

The fucking Christians are at it again. Goddammit.

They were even begging for support at the Commissary today when I went grocery shopping. Take a look at what one of their fliers said:


" CLUB BEYOND HELPING HANDS MINISTRY

Club Beyond is the youth ministry for the young people, grades 6-12 of Area II. The youth are reaching out to those that are less fortunate than we are. We sponser (sic) a ministry here in Seoul called The Shelter of Love. This shelter helps house and feed more than 700 people. During the month we ask for donations, then once a month, on the third Saturday the youth along with our adult volunteers, come together and make 700 bag lunches and then we take it to the Shelter and deliver it door to door to more than 700 needy people. Their greatest need is for food. It would be greatly appreciated if you would help us help them. We are asking that you please donate a 20lb bag of rice so that we can help feed them. As you do your shopping please pick up a bag of rice and drop it off to us as you leave the commissary. We thank you for helping us help them.

Pastor Stepp, the staff and the youth of Club Beyond Youth Ministry
If you have any questions about this or any other youth ministry event please feel free to contact me any time @ 011=9685-4170"

So if I get this right, you assholes give a free hand-out to people that need food and not jobs. The way I see it, why not make these fuckers work for their own meal? Or do you guys just take delight in watching them beg for their supper? It's one thing to help out people that have no visible means of supporting themselves - elderly people, the disabled, even the fucking retards that piss their pants. But it doesn't say any of that. Fuck you. No soup for you!

You're probably thinking I'm some callous asshole and to a certain extent you're right. The difference is when I first moved to DC, I was one of these assholes that barely made enough to make ends meet AND put food on the table. Rent was $900 a month plus utilities, and I slept on a mattress on the floor. I had absolutely no furniture to my name and just some clothes hanging in the closet. I lived paycheck to paycheck and had to take a second job. I was living below the poverty level as an active duty Air Force dweeb, yet I wasn't eligible for any kind of assistance since I was single with no dependants. Meals consisted of Ramen noodles @ 39 cents a pack, each, canned peas @ 38 cents a can, each, and 2-liter CVS brand Diet Cola @ 99 cents, each. I could make $5 go a long way, and many times had to.

I remember one time going to visit Allison, the girl I was dating up in New Jersey (she was attending Drew University) and only having $20 to my name. They had a food drive box in their dorm and I started grabbing some of the canned goods since I had absolutely NOTHING in the pantry to feed me for the next week. The way I saw it, I was removing the middle-man, and was going to ration what goods I could get my hands on. Then Allison saw what I was doing and got pissed at me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Machine?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting something to eat!"

"Put those back! Those are for POOR PEOPLE!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM???"

For a moment there, it dawned on Allison that her current boyfriend was living hand to mouth and she never had so much a clue. I then began explaining to her how much it was costing me to come visit her all the time and how I only had $20 in my bank account until payday. That didn't seem to matter to her, either way. In her eyes, she didn't know any poor people, and no way was her love interest one step away from the flop house. As far as she was concerned, donating food was her contribution to charity and as long as she did something like this, all was right with her world. It was a real shocker to find out she was fucking a bum! On top of that, Drew University provided each student with a $500 a month limit on their meal card they could use at the school cafeteria, that she never touched. When I found out she had $480 of unspent money on her account, I got even more pissed she hadn't offered to help out.

We ended getting into a huge argument and I stormed out of the dorm and headed back to DC, spending the last $20 in my pocket on gas and toll booth fare. She ended up telling me to go fuck myself and I told her she gave the worst blow-jobs in the world. All of that over some fucking canned goods!

She bought your love, but you paid for it.

The way I see it, these fuckers can get out there and help these kids beg for their meat and potatoes. That way at least we know we're not feeding some North Korean refugees or worse, anti-American college students based in Seoul. I was pro-active with my search for a free meal, and these fuckers can do the same thing too.

Side note: In the end Allison and I broke up because our worlds were opposite extremes. She had no concept of having a 'work ethic' and could always go home to her mom's house for a hot meal and some extra cash, whereas my world began at 5am everyday and usually didn't end until 10 or 11pm at night sometimes. Where she would cut class and sleep in late, my ass was waiting on then-President Clinton and company to fly in at 0-dark-30 since I was pulling ambulance coverage for Air Force One. It was by far the most chaotic time in my life where nothing seemed to fit together, but by far the most memorable.

Walpurgisnacht

I woke up this morning early because I had morning wood that just wouldn't stop. Fuck! I hate getting morning wood and not having a girl next to me to get rid of it with. What do I do? Do I lay there and let the thing support me like a kick-stand, or do I rub one off right quick and then go back to sleep? Or do I take a whizz and get rid of it that way too? Jack Black talks about doing Cock Push-ups on his Tenacious D album, so why not get out of bed and try doing one on the floor? Decisions, decisions.

Finally I decided to get up and go to the bathroom. Ah. No more morning wood. Good. Now to start the day.

I fucked around for a little bit on the Internet this morning before going out and walking around Youngsan Army Garrison. If it's one thing I see continually, it's how ghetto the Army is truly becoming. Everywhere I go, I see people pimped out like wanna-be thugs wearing their bling bling and their Roca Wear. Sure the Air Force has its share of these idiots and assholes alike, but not to the same extent the Army does. How the Army allows people to run around like this caliber I don't know, but I get dirty looks just because I'm wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. I suppose when recruiting goals aren't being met to fight the war on imaginary WMD, Uncle Sam will go to new lows in getting yet another body to catch a bullet. Glad it's some other guy and not me.

Anycase, on with tonight's topic.





Walpurgisnacht

Spring is marked on May the First. This is when Spring has officially taken over as the new Season and Winter has officially passed. The Wiccans and some of their Pagan buddies will celebrate Beltane, which is a close cousin to Walpurgisnacht. April 30 is when it is celebrated. Anton LaVey mentions it in The Satanic Bible but doesn't really describe what it's about, aside from the fact that it is named after Walpurga, a Catholic Saint that was a protector against witchcraft. So, I went to our friend the internet where I found this little tid-bit of info:

"Cross Quarter Day May 1 - May Day is closely connected to the evening before it - the "Walpurgisnacht" or May Eve. Its roots can be found in pre-Christian Frühjahrsfests. Walpurgisnacht is situated directly opposite Halloween and is the end marker in the seasonal cycle which begins with Candlemas/Groundhog Day. Children play pranks on unsuspecting victims around midnight on April 30, similar to Halloween, and some even dress up as witches and evil spirits. The Brocken, the highest peak in the Harz Mountains, is known as the mythical meeting place of the witches. Witches' fires may burn in some places. Since noise was deemed the most effective way to drive off evil spirits many ways of making noise are known. On May Day earth spirits like fairies and elves (the ancient dead) would come out of the hills and barrows to dance on May Eve and well into the summer.

The festival is marked by numerous rituals to ward off evil. Legend has it that on Walpurgisnacht the witches would gather on the Brocken, the highest peak in the Harz Mountains. Because of the Walpurgisnacht scene in Goethe's Faust, in which Mephistopheles takes Faust to the Brocken and has him revel with the witches, the witches gathering became widely known."

In the same fashion that Christmas and Easter go hand-in-hand, Halloween and Walpurgisnacht are equally paired, which is the reason why LaVey makes mention of it. It is time for Life to spring forward and begin anew, after the harsh and gruelling winter, and to the Satanist, Life is the Great Abundance. Death is the Great Abstinence. I plan on going out later tonight and getting shitty to celebrate. I wanna see what fun I can get myself into!

Youngsan Arrival

So I finally made it up to Youngsan. This place rocks! It's a 4-star quality hotel that the Army runs for all DoD personnel. It's not as fun as the New Sanno hotel in Tokyo, but then again I am partial to Japan, unlike Korea. The bus ride up to Osan was like taking the fucking ghetto bus outta some place like Detroit or Harlem - a handful of blacks were sitting in the very back, talking so loud and cursing the entire way up, using the "N" word and being an all-around nuisance. They became so offensive that the other blacks on the bus told them to shut the fuck up for the rest of the trip, which they finally did. Some people just reinforce the stereo-type they live.

Alot was on my mind while traveling up here. Once again, Melanie changed her outlook on the relationship we share. I think Melanie is staring to finally realize that we will no longer see one another. She leaves 13 May but I go on vacation starting 7 May. My goal is to catch a hop to Japan outta Osan, so ideally next week is the last we will see of one another.

"You don't appreciate a good thing until it's gone" she told me, and wanted me to spend the last hour and a half at work just talking about life. Sure, why not. All day had been slow and she heard a few more things from me that finally registered this time. The main topic is how she throws herself at all these assholes and yet someone like me that she relates to, she shoves away because it frightens her. I told her that I had waited patiently for her all this time to become a better friend to me, yet she denied me something that would've taken the edge off this place.

Companionship.

"Melanie, had you taken the time to become more involved in my life, I'm certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that we would compliment one another very well" I said in return. It then struck her how horrible she has been to me this entire time, and how there is nothing she can do to take back the pain and damage she has caused. "I waited patiently for you all this time, and even made suggestions. Subtle hints. I would ask you to go out with me or go do something and you would always say 'no', yet every time you would come to me crying about how some guy did you wrong, I always listened to what you had to say and helped you through the pain."

"I have been a really horrible friend, haven't I?" she concluded. For once I actually saw her in a moment of true regret for her actions and the consequences they brought.

"Well maybe when you leave Korea in July, you can fly through Seattle and then we can meet up" she suggested.

Too late. My travel itinerary has already been submitted and I made plans months ago to return to Japan one last time when I left Korea for good. Had Melanie not been so selfish and blind then she would've realized what an important event this could've been also. But oh well.

She finally agreed with me on something I told her when I first arrived back in July - that I was sent here to help her weather this difficult time in her life. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" I said to her initially, and now she sees how it all makes sense. "You've been a very good teacher" she replied. "Thanks. I've tried."

I've taught her the importance of not being judgmental with other people and the things they do, as well as the importance of not getting worked up all the time when things don't go your way. Sure, life sucks at times, but why focus on it continually? Instead, why not take the bad experience and turn it around to make you a better person? Sure that's easier said than done, but in the long run you help yourself and can help other people with their problems too. Things like this.

Most of all, I never bashed her or got upset when she would talk shit about men in general. I would just let her get it out of her system and then tell her how ignorant she sounded. I would never get angry, never argue back, or tell her how stupid she was for being boy crazy. I listened.

She's convinced our paths will cross again some day. I just don't see how that will happen. Unless she changes her mind at the last second and lets me hit it finally, I have no reason to go out of my way and go visit her. But most of all I think she realizes there's so much more that needs to be taught and she's losing possibly the best friend she's ever had.

It's a BitterSweet Symphony, that's Life.

Weekend Trip

I am going up to Youngsan for the weekend and leave this evening. Fuck this place! I'll be taking my lap-top with me and will update more that way. I know you're all addicted to this blog as much as I am.

Melanie called me the "Master of Deceit" today, not once, not twice, but three times total, which makes it official. I took that as a compliment.

For a Satanist to go undetected the majority of his time here, that is a true feat in the art of learning how to blend in. No way in Hell am I going to spill the beans yet. Fuck that.

But tomorrow is Walpurgisnacht and I will celebrate accordingly.


Write more when I get up there.

United States Christian Air Force Revisited

What the fuck is going on?

We just had FFH blast us with their Jesus music this past Saturday and now we're having more Christianity shoved down our throats? This shit has got to stop.

Seriously.

Sure I know they're also using the whole "cultural" angle to sell this thing but honestly the end message is going to be the same regardless if it is done in English or Korean.

And the Stars & Stripes newspaper ran an article on FFH today, which can be viewed entirely here: Related Article.

Tell me there is not a Judeo-Christian hidden agenda going on within the DoD and I will tell you the Moon is made of green cheese.

Fuck Japan

Well well well - it seems that once again Korea and Japan are in a squabble with one another over some island territory that is just off the Korean peninsula. "Dok-do" Island if I am not mistaken. The Japanese say they are entitled to the islands since they kicked Korea's ass back in WWII and it remained under their jurisdiction when the U.S. gave them their land back. The Koreans on the other hand say that the island properly belongs to them since it's just a stone's throw away from the mainland.

While this is the whole drama in a watered-down nutshell, it doesn't surprise me that there is still alot of animosity between the Koreans and the Japanese. Usually the Koreans are bagging on the Americans and the military since it's so easy to do, but when it comes to trashing Japan, China, and even North Korea, well that's a delicate line that many don't tread.

Koreans are horribly racist, only they're not overt with their bigotry the same way Americans are. I've heard this sentiment echoed by many different people, including my friend Russ, who is Korean-American and is bilingual. He gets alot of shit from the locals because he was born and raised in Los Angeles, but the fact his parents were born on the Republic, many of the Koreans are willing to accept him only then. He's actually the one that took this photograph, only I copied it from his website and am using it here. I asked him what the words written in Hangul said, and he wouldn't tell me since they were derogatory words the Koreans use to describe the Japanese.

"Come on dude, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone" I insisted.

No dice.

From what I can gather, it's probably something about the comment written in English about the "Short Dick Motherfucking Island Monkey" above the cartoon caricature. The phrase "Dont fuck with Korea" makes me laugh too. The Koreans? Make threats to the Japanese? Ha! That's rich!

The Japanese owned Korea's ass for 35 years - from 1910 to 1945. They also invaded China and the Phillipines and were really nasty bastards in general. It wasn't until America nuked the fuckers that Korea and all the other territories under Japanese rule had their freedoms restored and could do as they saw fit. Even by today's standards, the ROKAF, ROK Army, and ROK Navy are ill-equipped to fight an all out war with another country without the support of the U.S. While they might be able to hold their own in a short-term conflict, if they were to go it alone against North Korea and China at once, they would all be Communist by the end of the week. And yes, that's happened before. Read up on the Korean Conflict some time.

Of course in the end this is all a bunch of hot-air on the parts of the Koreans. As long as Uncle Sam has bases in both Korea and Japan, nothing is going to happen. It just amuses me to see these people talk shit when they damn well know they can't back it up - either politically, economically, or otherwise.

Cut Down

"All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest"

-"The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel

Perhaps I thought there was more to me and Melanie than what was really there.
Perhaps I was stupid to think that we had alot more in common than what I imagined.
Perhaps I was ignorant, foolish and blind to the signs that there was nothing at all.

The Truth is very ugly and rarely sets anyone free.

It's been a very long time since I've felt this way about someone and even longer that I've felt like shit when I found out my emotions have been all in vain. Wasted on an ingrate. Few women connect with me on a deeper level like she has and even fewer truly appreciate it until it's too late.

Alot of women wonder why men do so many fucked up things. They wonder why it is men become such assholes or worse, and yet they never seem to put 2 + 2 together. Melanie figured it all out yet she still throws fuel on the fire and then wonders why she continues getting burned.

I really go out on a limb for her and have really taken the risk of exposure by letting my true feelings be made known. It has been a struggle for me to sit by idly while she destroys herself with men and alcohol, despite hearing my advice. I have been there to nurse her wounded ego all this time, and all I've asked for in return has been simple companionship. And even that has been snubbed.

On top of it all, she might be pregnant now.

No, not with my child, but with some asshole I made the mistake of introducing her to. While I have told her repeatedly I feel as if I am ultimately responsible for this fiasco, she tells me that the mistake was hers and that I had no part in it. Bullshit. Had I kept my damn mouth shut from the start, none of this would've happened.

Chew on that, all you Butterfly Effect assholes.

I just hope the pills worked in time, for the sake of everyone involved.

I can't see anything positive coming from this experience. Nothing at all.


"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
'I am leaving, I am leaving'
But the fighter still remains"



I definitely need to get out of this place.
It has costed me more than what I have truly begun to realize.

Kunsan: 2001 and Now

I returned to Kunsan after leaving Andrews AFB in January of 2001. I knew that if I was going to survive career-wise in the military, it would have to be some place that wasn't so highly political, and Andrews AFB was by far the most political military base, next to Bolling AFB and the Pentagon (literally as well as figuratively). I had just gotten into trouble with some cry-baby Christian in my office for saying "Jesus Fucking Christ" after he more or less beat it out of me, and figured the entire office was out to kill me since I had finally revealed I was a practicing Satanist the entire time.

Fuck this bullshit. I need out. And fast!

But where can I go?

Ah! I know! KUNSAN!!!!

Surely Kunsan, being the Den of Iniquity and home of drunken debauchery will gladly welcome me back in her loving arms once more and all will be right with my world, right?

WRONG.

Something or someone had put a halt to the majority of the fun that was going on here and for what specific reason, I couldn't begin to imagine. People were still having sex, only it was toned down somewhat. People were still going out drinking, only Town Patrol became a bunch of assholes. They were starting to enforce curfew more heavily, as well as the idea of having a "wingman" to go out and babysit you. People used to have the option to live off-base although that had been rescinded too for "Force Protection" purposes.

For what?

North Korea, the only threat to the South was chilling out at the time and they weren't acting like these fucking asshole terrorists we see on the nightly news. The North Koreans don't resort to suicide bombings or any of that shit. Instead they just want to know what our capabilities are and get that information through their sleeper agents they put on our bases. Like the bullshit elevated terror alerts that followed after the September 11th attacks, our leadership just wanted to control us by keeping tabs on where we were at all times. The phrase "Shut up and color" became common when either myself or someone else would openly challenge these bullshit rules that were being made.

It didn't end there - soon everthing you did came under scrutinization because the Total Person Concept had just been born. Basically anything you do on and off duty will can and will be used against you if seen appropriate. After all, you're an ambassador of good will when you're overseas, supposively. The truth is that Air Force senior leadership have become a bunch of third-rate politicians and want us little guys to follow their lead - total PR bullshit. You're expected to wear khakis or Docker pants with matching collared shirt and low quarters when not in uniform, or look like some hillbilly NASCAR driver wanna-be. My Lounge wear from Hot Topic became a matter of issue as well since it was deemed inappropriate by the asshole First Sargeant I had at the time. Granted there was nothing obscene like a naked woman or anything inappropriate written like Will Fuck on the First Date on my shirts, but just flames, devils, dragons or skulls. Still, this was the mentality that was being formed and has remained to this day. At first I challenged it but the more I pushed the issue, the more senior leadership pushed back in return. And harder too.

It didn't end there either. The same assholes that were giving me grief about my clothes also gave grief about other things as well. The music I listened to, the pictures I had on my desk at work as well as my overall job performance. Mind you, I wasn't doing anything deliberate yet they took it upon themselves to stick their noses in my business. The pictures I got grief about? Here's an example:




I was told to take this down because it looked like the little bullet guy was giving you the finger. That's stretching it a bit, but I did what was asked and I still got written up for it anways. What fucking assholes. It seemed like I was better off at Andrews in the long run since these fuckers were pushing hard to get me kicked out of the military. And for what? Just because I looked different and didn't want to play their bullshit reindeer games? Fuck that!

I vowed to myself that if this is the taste of things to come then I will never return to Korea again, so long as I live. I'll just go to Japan like I've been wanting to all this time and set root down so I can move on with my life.

Well, I spoke too soon. Like a dumb-ass I forgot to remove Kunsan from my Dream Sheet after I arrived to Misawa. The LAST thing I thought that would happen would be the fact I would get picked up again to return here. Boy was I wrong.

When I found out I had orders to return here last year, I just about broke down and had a conniption in my commander's office. After all, I had suffered a year of tyranny and bullshit and had witnessed a dark side of the Air Force that no squadron commander, First Shirt, or senior NCO would admit to or take responsibility for, and had orders to return back to this hell-hole of of a nightmare. The fun, easy-going college campus mentality that flourished 10 years ago quickly became a prison camp gulag theme park instead.

It's not uncommon now for people to be restricted to base for whatever reason - primarily due to training exercises or protestors outside the front gate. Now, you MUST have a wingman anytime after 9pm and you MUST be back on base before 1 AM or else you're likely to get a stripe yanked. Living off-base is heavily scrutinized and we're constantly having sexual assault briefings shoved down our throats despite the fact we've had an all time low trend. The base commander cleared A-Town of Juicee Girls and is working hard on closing down the hooches since one or two people have complained how they don't like seeing alcohol served there. One or two people!

I almost got ugly with the people that manage everyone there at HQ PACAF and threatened to do an IG Complaint at first, but then I thought perhaps I'm going about things the wrong way. Why not try for Germany as a follow-on assignment? After all, there's some unfinished business that needs tending to and this is the perfect opportunity to tie down some loose ends. I bargained it out with my Functional Manager that if I did another year remote at Kunsan, that she would work it to where I could get Ramstein as first pick.

And it happened.

I figured if I was going to give the Devil his due, I might as well do it right and return to this cesspit of humanity. Sure I'm taking one for the team, figuratively speaking, but the long term benefit will definitely outweigh the short term cost. I just needed to make sure I didn't fuck up the same way I did when I was here in 2001 again, and I've gone the extra mile in making sure I haven't either.

Well I've more or less remained invisible for my time here and knew the only way to survive this place was to just shut-up and color since that mentality has grown tenfold from the last time I was here. I don't go out on weekends nor do I try dating any of the women here. I make sure I dress conservatively when out in public, and if I wear anything like a Cradle of Filth t-shirt or Venom t-shirt, I make certain to wear something over it like a jacket or a long-sleeve shirt, so the one or two critical assholes that help run things won't have a fucking coronary. Considering I've seen people get shit for wearing earrings off-base when they were off-duty drives the point home that much more.

I'm out of here come July, but have made it definitive that this time is indeed my last time here in this country. On this base. Around these people. What used to be a party haven for the burnt out and dejected has become monument to bureaucracy at its worst.

Sayonara, assholes!

Kunsan: Then

I remember the first time I came to Korea - it was August of 1995. I was stuck in Butt-Fuck-Goldsboro, North Carolina, at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base (huh huh - See More Johnsons huh huh huh huh) and was dying to get the fuck outta there. To anywhere! But really I wanted to go to Japan most of all. At the time I was enchanted with their culture - everything from anime and traditional artwork to the Code of the Samurai and sushi, I was a misplaced gaijin waiting for his chance to visit the Land of the Rising Sun. I even took it upon myself to learn what little Japanese I could, in hopes of preparation for the big event. The Promised Land.

It had been a year since Donna and I had broken up and it was still taking its toll on me. On top of that, I was stuck in a shitty working environment where racist blacks would say all sorts of shit about The Man and reinforce their disdain for me with a foul attitude. I was the only white guy in the office and my presence was not welcomed at all. On top of that, my view on Christianity had soured to the point where I was about the rip the throat off the next person who told me that "Jesus loves me". The time was definitely ripe for a change.

And change is what I got.

I recieved my notification of orders to Korea during the 4th of July weekend and was told to report no later than 20 August. Korea? What the fuck, over? Korea is NOTHING like Japan. Well I suppose that beggars can't be choosers and this is close enough. I had to pack my shit up, outprocess the base, drive cross-country in my Honda CRX and show up for duty all within a matter of 6 short weeks. Not a problem. Since I was living in the dorms then, my belongings were consolidated easily enough. I was only allowed 500 pounds to ship over, and everything else had to go into storage. I packed my clothes, my music collection and a few video games to go over on the trip. Everything happened so quickly yet I was ready to go. I made it happen.

I drove all the way from North Carolina to my parents' home in San Diego to park my car. It was a long trip but was really fun from what I remember and was the perfect way start over with a clean slate. A week or so at home visiting my folks and my sister, and then I went to Los Angeles to stay the night before leaving the next morning to fly out of LAX.

Japanese people for the most part are very cosmopolitan, from the way they dress to the way they act. It's no wonder America has such a fascination with Japan. Koreans on the other hand, are exact opposites of Japanese. I didn't realize this at first when I boarded the Korean Airlines flight. All I remember was that there were some girls that would talk in Korean one moment, English the next, and back to Korean again, and the little old ajuma that bumped me out of the way on the airplane aisle as I was putting my things away, just so she could get to her seat. Not even so much an "Excuse me" or anything. Compared to the elegance of the Japanese, the Koreans looked like refugees left over from World War II - tired and worn out.

The first thing I remember when the plane touched down on Kunsan was the barbed-wire and the Patriot missile batteries all pointing North. "What the fuck have I gotten myself into?" was the first thing I remembered thinking as I saw an airbase that resembled something out of a Vietnam war movie. As soon as I got off the plane and made it on to base, I found out that things weren't so crazy as I first made them out to be.

After I got a room in the dorm, I met my supervisor, Marybeth. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and was a sex maniac. She was always fucking dudes she met but never once had a thing with me going. I suppose that I was either not her type or she didn't want to cross the supervisor/worker office relationship. Anycase, she would do crazy shit like read PlayGirl Magazine out in public, and brag to other co-workers about how she loved to suck cock. She even got into a fight with another woman at the NCO Club over a man they were both fucking. The first and last time I've ever seen anything like that happen.

Then there was Nia. Nia was a sweet girl but like Marybeth, was a nymphomaniac. She had big tits and would entertain both pilots and air traffic controllers with strip shows on a Friday/Saturday night, and was notorious for doing wet t-shirt parties as well. She told me how she would just go topless for the controller guys and for the flyboys she'd go full nude. She even ended up fucking some of them too, she confessed to me years afterwards. Nia was definitely free spirited.

Well, this was the common mentality here at the time. Work hard, play harder. Drink, fuck, and live life like there's no tomorrow. Holy hell! Even nearby A-Town was a direct reflection of this too. People would get liquored up down there and all sorts of crazy shit would happen - people were having sex in the bathroom stalls. On base in the hooches, there wasn't a pool table that at least wasn't covered with dried semen, vaginal juices, beer, whisky, blood and urine. Pretty much anything that you could imagine could happen, did happen.

Well as much fun and extreme that this place was at the time, I would like to believe it was required to off-set the other extremes this place will put you through. Because Korea is technically a year remote assignment, the majority of people come here without their family. No wives, no children, no husbands. For some people this is paradise since you don't have to listen to your fat bitch wife complain about how unattractive she feels and you don't have to listen to your goddamned brats whine for a fucking Power Ranger doll, but for others a year separated from your family is a huge undertaking and they need all the extra outlets that can be afforded.

On top of that, the facilities here are very spartan at best. I've seen better selection at a 7-11 in Misawa Japan than what the Commissary and Base Exchange used to carry. Water lines rupture during winter months, and AC units break down during the summer months. Humidity and mosquitos here are the worst I've experienced anywhere. Water pools in large portions of the base since sewage is a continual problem as well. If the water main gets a leak, then you have to flush solid waste only until they get the problem repaired. Not only that, but the Koreans still have open sewage lines called binjo ditches which get mighty ripe on a hot summer day. I swear I almost passed out once when traveling by one. From 12 hour work days and continually lacking the equipment and parts you need to continually practicing like North Korea is going to attack, this place will test the limits of any normal person.

But despite all these hardships, there was a true feeling of comraderie. The old saying "Misery loves company" was so applicable. People would bond here in the shortest amount of time and next thing you know you're telling your drinking buddy all sorts of shit you wouldn't even tell your own mother. Kunsan Air Base was the ideal in college campus life, minus the drugs. The hooches on base would give out alcohol on a donation-only basis. You could pay $1 and drink the entire evening, or throw down $20 and let other people enjoy your good tidings. No profit was being made since whatever money was recieved was going back to buying more alcohol! It was such a kick-ass idea that the Base Commander himself would come over and party with us on weekends he didn't have a schedule to worry with. There were many times where someone would have to carry the guy out and put him to bed, he was that much of a party animal. It was definitely a fucking party that had no end.

Despite having no car to drive I managed to get around Korea pretty good. They have a good bus system that can take you virtually anywhere around the Republic you wish to go visit. Once I learned how things operated, I would frequent trips to Kunsan City as well as up to Osan and Youngsan for the weekend. I knew how long and how much everything would cost and would live out of my backpack once Friday afternoon hit. Osan was an awesome place to party too.

The icing on the cake came when I finally had the chance to move off-base and live in A-Town. The nearby apartment complex, Rainbow Village was closer to the base, but hella nastier too. Besides I wanted a place I could go crash at when I would go drinking and didn't want to worry about missing the last bus to base. Friends and co-workers would come crash as well and they were alway welcomed too. Koreans heat their floors and they could sleep without freezing too much.

While I was starting to enjoy myself and really get into the swing of things, the good times came to an end in 1997 when I got orders to Osan. Out of the blue, I was handed them, even though it wasn't on my Dream Sheet. "What the fuck is this? I was trying to get to Guam." I said to the people at Outbound Assignments. "Well because the fact you put 'Anywhere Pacific Rim', this popped up and you have to take the orders" they concluded.

Fuck.

All my friends, all the good times I was having, they were all down here, not at Osan. Sure I enjoyed going up there for the weekends, but just to party only. People go to Las Vegas to visit, NOT to live. So begrudgingly I accepted my orders. After all, I technically agreed to go.

I ended up saying alot of "good-byes" and alot of "thank yous" for the time I had here and thought to myself what a kick ass place this was overall and how I would gladly return here if given the opportunity.

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

PSP

I bought the PlayStation Portable the other week and it's been sitting in the box, on the table in my room. Listening to friends like Brookie and Russ talk about how cool the thing was, made me decide to pick one up. I opened the box when I got home just to make sure nothing was missing or broken and it has sat unused still to this day.

The older I get, the less inclined I am to stare at some tiny screen if I am playing video games or watching a movie. The cool thing is that the PSP aka the Play Satan Prince is a multimedia device. You can play MP3 music, watch movies made especially on the mini-disc system they use, play video games, and connect on Wi-Fi when you go about town. Not only that but you can also purchase memory cards to save all this shit on if you're so inclined. What I like about Sony products is the fact they're so inter-active with one another. I can plug my Sony digital camera into this laptop I use (a Sony Vaio) and it will read the contents automatically without me having to configure a whole lotta crap. No extra hardware or software required. And I can also plug the PSP into the Vaio or the PS2 and it can interact the same way also. Is that fucking sweet or what?

The other thing I admire about the PSP is that it looks sophisticated and not like some child's toy. It looks pretty ridiculous to sit at an airport or some other public place and play Game Boy Advance while waiting for your flight to arrive. How can you be taken seriously by some chick that's scoping you out if you're playing PokeMon Tetris and get all excited because you finally beat the Baby Turnip Monster that's been kicking your ass for the past 3 days. At least the PSP resembles a PDA or some other hi-tech gadget like a Nokia cell phone that will garner respect if someone gives you a passing glance.

The only thing I didn't dig about getting the PSP is the price. For $250 I could buy a shitload of other stuff and chances are I probably should've done that but life's short and you can only prepare so much for the problems you encounter. While some people turn to religion or family for comfort and support, it's always been music and video games that have helped me blow off steam. I've been able to relax and take a step back from whatever's bothering me and I'm not drowning my sorrows in something self-destructive like drugs or alcohol. Chances are if I didn't have video games or music I'd just spend all day jerking off instead. Either way I'd be getting that carpal tunnel syndrome!

So when I get off my lazy ass and get around to doing it, I'll take the PSP out of the box and see all the cool stuff it can do. For $250 it better be able to download porn!

FFH Concert

All week I've been waiting for these stupid fucking Christians to play their fucking concert. Goddammit! It's about fucking time they showed up! Fuck!

I took my video camera as well as my digital camera since I wanted to catch this whole thing without missing a beat. I figure it's not very often that a band comes to Kunsan, let alone a Christian band and I want to see what these assholes have to say.

So I show up about 10 minutes before the show - it's being hosted out on the football field. There are a shitload of DAKs and their fucking slope kids running around, acting annoying as all fuck. They showed up for the free food, no doubt. After all, it's ingrained in their culture to fucking take a freebie any chance they get. And we've been giving them freebies for the past 50 years too. Hell, we even fought 2 fucking wars for them and they return the gratitude with Slicky Boy black-marketing our shit and crappy cars like Daewoo and Hyundai. I will never purchase anything Korean-made. Ever.

But let's get back to the subject at hand. FFH. Far From Home. That's what the name of the band stands for. While it probably references something about Heaven or some other Biblical bullshit, I suppose it's catchy enough. Whatever. Before they come on stage, the Protestant Chaplain gets up and does his little thing - tries to get people rallied before the band starts singing. It goes over like a dead fish. People just want to eat the free food and and listen to some free music.

They get up and start singing something that sounds like Amy Grant or any other contemporary Christian band you hear on AM radio when you're driving through the mountains and your FM isn't picking anything up. And they look bored as fuck too. Like packing up their shit and flying 5,000 miles to perform to a bunch of assholes and retards in Butt-Fuck-Korea isn't a defining moment in their career. Of course it's not! They're fucking BROKE and are using the money that Dubya has alloted for the Faith-Based Initiative Act as a means of paying the bills for the time being. I've seen fucking puppet shows that are livelier than these brain-dead sheeple that are performing for us, and what's even worse is the audience is eating this up hook, line and sinker! Fuck me running!

But what gets me is how the lead singer has the nerve to rub in our faces how last year him and his band members got incentive rides in the F-16 airplane when they were visiting Luke Air Force Base, out in Arizona. The Air Force kissed their asses and yet someone like me who's a Lifer can't even get the same courtesy. And I keep those goddamned pilots flying too! I think he was trying to tell us how much he appreciates what it is we do, but he was oblivious to it all. Then, he mentioned how one of the pilots gave him an American flag that had been flown over Bosnia for bombing missions, which pissed me the fuck off too. What he didn't realize is that by America bending the Serbs over and ass-fucking them, we screwed one of our biggest supporters in Eastern Europe since the fall of Communism by reigning death from above and letting the Albanian Muslims continue their reign of terror. The same Muslim assholes we're engaging in places like Iraq and Afghanistan right now, I imagine.

Then he took things one step further by saying why they were performing at Luke AFB during that time frame too. He said "Oh we were performing out there as an alternative to Halloween" just about got me ill too. But Protestants and Catholics alike are oblivious to how their holidays are based on Pagan holidays, but instead will scream that Satan is trying to steal what's "rightfully theirs" by enticing people with Trick 'er Treat candy, Santa Claus and an Easter Bunny.

And of course, they do the whole Jesus thing too - only they have the Base Chaplain come up and translate in Korean what he is saying. I thought that proselytizing on a government installation was forbidden! And for an Air Force officer to do the same thing is practically unheard of! So does that mean if Deicide comes to play at Kunsan that I can get up and start quoting references from The Satanic Bible? Why can't Slayer put on a USO show for the troops, if these FFH morons can come over on the government's dime - your tax money - and sing about the gospel of Jesus Christ? Rest assured, your tax money is hard at work, dissolving the Second Amendment. I am quite sure there is a seat up in Heaven for Dubya when he goes to visit the Pearly Gates.

Well, they churn out a few more songs and get the whole sing-a-long thing going. People stand up and start clapping to the rhythm while their damn kids are running around being a nuisance. While they don't do an altar call or anything they do say they will be available to meet after the show.

A ha. My time to strike.

Finally.

I have my Slayer shirt on and want to get my photo taken with them. Oh what a fucking hoot it will be! Christians shaking hands with a Satanist! This is definitely a moment to savor.

So I go up and stand in line. By now the beers I had slammed earlier had worn off and I was in a somewhat obnoxious mood. Like my Easter story with Melanie, I had to get tanked ahead of time since they weren't serving alcohol at a family-oriented event like this.

I have their roady take a picture of me with the band and that's when I start laying on the questions.

"So if I were to play your music backwards, would I hear a message from Jesus?"

"Have you ever thought of having a life-size replica of 'The Crucifixion' on stage during your performances?"

"So since you're here at 'The Wolf Pack', are you considered to be sheep in wolves clothing? Or izzit the other way around?"

"Why is it there's no beer at your concerts? And where are the groupies?"

"Do you guys all gang-bang the female singer before a show to relieve tension?"

Shit like that.

What? Huh?

Of COURSE I DIDN'T SAY THOSE THINGS. WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M THAT FUCKING STUPID?! JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST!!

Listen, the Number 1 sin in Satanism is stupidity and I'm not about to say shit like that when people like the Base Commander and my Squadron Commander are standing there within earshot of me. The way I see it, it took balls enough just to wear the fucking Slayer t-shirt around these people and have the photograph taken. Chances are that will gain attention and I will hear shit about it come Monday or whenever. I'll just play it off either way and say I was showing tolerance for a different set of beliefs other than my own, and the same consideration should be returned.

Anycase, here's the picture I promised.



And yes, my hand is on her ass.

Psyche.

United States Christian Air Force

Just recently there was a complaint by some Jews at the Air Force Academy that they're being persecuted by their Christian classmates by being called everything from "Filthy Jew" to "Christ Killer" and what not. They've been harassed for sticking to their beliefs instead of accepting Christ as their savior and as a result are saying that enough is enough.

Seeing how the Air Force is predominantly Judeo-Christian, I find this claim to be hardly surprising. If it's one thing I've learned about the typical Air Force member is they rarely deviate from mainstream taste or consciousness, which makes it extremely difficult for people like myself. And another thing I've learned about Air Force Academy graduates (usually rich-kid assholes that became fighter pilots only due to their connections) is they have this fucked-up mentality that everything they do is cool and unless you're a carbon copy of them or some how manage to kiss their asses, you're nothing more than a foot stool to be used, or a fuck-toy if you're female.

Frankly I hope these goddamned Christians get slammed. And hard too. For the majority of my military career, I've recieved ridicule and harassment from Jesus Freaks and religious assholes alike, despite the Equal Employment Opportunity policy that prohibits that. For the most part I tell people like them to go fuck themselves, and if they really get a splinter up their ass from that "old wooden cross" that they sing about so much, I throw some shit on them their way. Hellfire hurts like a motherfucker.

In The Satanic Bible, Anton LaVey mentions the importance of going about your business in public. Do not bother anybody. That rule should be modified to include "Don't draw any needless attention to yourself".

One thing alot of Wiccans, Pagans, and Satanists in the Air Force make the mistake of doing is unintentionally making an ass of themselves. Either by the way they act, the clothes they wear, or the friends they associate with. I have met more of these "white-lighters" that didn't have the first clue how to behave with their new-found faith and usually end up going overboard by wearing these giant pentagrams around their neck or saying the most stupid shit like "Oh my goddess" and "Blessed Be". While I can appreciate their interest in identifying with something besides this hip hop drive-thru culture that is strangling the world for the moment, they look like fucking retards when they wear trench coats and the same t-shirt for 5 days straight. Besides, most younger people get what misinformation about the occult they have from shit like Harry Potter instead of the writings of Aleister Crowley or Raymond Buckland.

When I first started taking an interest in the occult, I made the same mistakes as well. All too eager to tell people how much I identify with the beliefs, I ended up making more of an ass out of myself than a credit. Word spread like wildfire and the next thing I know, people are fucking with my career and my livelyhood, just because they can.

Anything out of the ordinary scares people. From rocket science mathematics to an inverted pentagram on someone's t-shirt, people fear what they don't understand. And what people fear, they try to destroy or control. And since the Air Force is in the mode of absolute control over people's lives, it comes as no surprise these Air Force Academy assholes would be so brazen to bash the fucking Heebs just because they're not a WASP. After all, "One Team, One Fight" as the saying goes.

In the end, I hope this is more mud in their eye. I hope it is yet another slap in the face to the "beautiful people" and their Empire of Shit.

Just Taken Today

This photograph was just taken today. Tammi, the girl in the red sweatshirt is Melanie's friend and room mate, and naturally, that is Melanie on the other side with me in between them.

Decisions, decisions ~! ;)

Danny

Well today was just kinda.......there.

Spoke with my friend Danny, who just had a tumor removed from his pituitary gland the other week. He's been hospitalized and is doing well, all things considered. Looks like he's going to be there long-term too, and he won't return to Misawa to get his personal effects.

It really bothered me to talk on the phone and listen to him describe in great detail the pain he's gone through, but he's one tough little dude. And a survivor. I view him as being my little brother. We hung out all the time in Japan and it dawned on me today what good company he was.

I'm going to buy some CDs and some rock magazines and send them out in a care package. I've been hospitalized before and know how lonely and scary it can be when you don't have someone there to help you. Danny is definitely one cool hombre and I want to make sure he's in high spirits. Besides, I don't think the hospital would allow a strip-o-gram!

Get better bro!

Melanie

Too long have these emotions
Like potions, made me
A sole castellan
Trusted to keep
The weight of oceans
From Her rusted gates of sleep

A dreaming angel
Lying curled in the circles of Hell
I must protect her

Too long this urchin princess
Has incensed, made me
A wanton felon
Searching for the key
To loose Her harness
And set desires lurching free

FFH

What the fuck does FFH stand for?

I have no fucking clue, other than the fact they're some annoying Christian band that will be playing on base come Saturday.

I thought this kind of thing wasn't condoned by the DoD - proselytizing. You can have the presence of a religious institution on base (i.e. the Base Chapel), but it has to be open to all faiths regardless of who requests to use it. Christians, Jews and Muslims alike may gather together at the Base Chapel to worship as they please.

But this is different. To me, this is the same as allowing Pat Robertson or Benny Hinn to come on base with their entourage of Jesus Freaks and Hypocrites setting up shop and peddling their Snake Oil like the charlatans that they are. If an openly Satanic band like Slayer or The Electric Hellfire Club wanted to do a gig through the USO, they would be shot down quicker than an F-4 Phantom over Vietnam.

Perhaps the legal loophole is that this is a free concert, promoted by the Services Squadron, and it is open to everyone with free food being provided, which is why they can do something like this. The catch is there won't be any alcohol served which sucks ass, since I suppose these guys are serious WASPS. "Make this a Catholic celebration" I said today jokingly, mentioning that alcohol can be consumed.

I remember there was this shitty cover band made of ex-military dudes that stays in Seoul by the name of Faded, that played here last year and they sucked bad. I mean hella shitty bad. During their intermission I asked them to play Iron Man by Black Sabbath and none of them knew any Ozzy tunes. Not even Crazy Train which is one of the easiest songs to learn! They stuck to the more trendy, cry-baby nu-metal stuff like Korn and Linkin Park instead of tunes that ROCK! I ended up leaving half-way through the show since they were fucking lame.

I would much rather listen to a shitty band live that writes their own music, instead of some no-talent hacks that can't hold down a day-job to save their lives. At least the shitty band is trying to be original.

Anycase, for shits n' grins I had my friend Courtney take this photo of me standing next to the banner. What a fucking hoot. I'm half tempted to show up to the concert Saturday wearing the same outfit just to see the reaction I'll get.

Cards on the Table Part 2

So Melanie and I went out to Kunsan City tonight. We took a taxi to a coffee shop/restaurant where it was just the two of us, and the woman running the shop. It was completely empty which was perfect for what needed to be discussed.

For starters, Melanie wanted to know how it was I knew Juicy Girl and thought perhaps and I had done something obscene as a result. I laughed initially when I heard this, but assured her it was only from Chair-Force that we've corresponded and nothing else. For some reason even when I tell her the truth she thinks I'm full of shit. Why I would want to make up a story about something like that I have no idea - for one thing I would have to deal with the continual pressure of sounding like Johnny Porn-Star and I'm not one to brag about my exploits. I'm not one to kiss and tell.

But after that initial ice-breaker, we started to get to real questions. Everything from my fucked-up childhood as a kid to my present situation was covered. This spanned over my many failed relationships with women, my dis-belief with Christianity and most organized religion in general, as well sordid observations about me on her part. For someone that's only 22, she's been taking some pretty damn good notes. "We're cut from the same fabric although you and are come from two completely different backgrounds" she concluded.

And she was right.

Part of the reason I've made more of a deal about her than most other women I know is because we're cut from the same fabric. I am convinced if we had more time together that we would compliment one another entirely all too well. But that's probably just optimistic thinking on my part. For once I was completely on the level with her and come to realize everything that we had been missing out as friends - but part of me wasn't willing to let things get taken to this level, out of concern for her sharp tongue. When you have met someone that is so much alike in mind and in heart and they criticize you for the very things they share as well, it makes me very reluctant to continue down the same path with that person.

I suppose she was really hoping I would spill my guts about my involvement with the occult. "You know I feel like you haven't told me everything. Like you're holding back for some reason" she mentioned. No. I hadn't. I just came out with it differently than what she was expecting to hear. The end result is that I still said it, but not in the Springer, over-the-top fashion she's been accustomed to. Sometimes the most profound messages come in whispers and not screams.

But I did hold back from her my true feelings for her all this time and how much I'm going to miss her when she leaves soon. Like I said, she's gone the mile with me and for better or for worse, we compliment one another. That's more than any other woman has done for me, in a very very long time. As much frustration and pain that we've caused one another, we've perservered and have come through this whole malestrom together. I would really hate to throw that all away.

But I have no choice in the matter. She's going to Washington State and I am heading to Germany as I originally intended. It was never my choice to begin with. While I would like to think that the time we've shared together was for the better, ultimately time will tell. After all, you feed a man daily and then remove his sustinence abruptly, he will begin to wander looking for food again. And he may or may not resort to extremes.

Some other things were discussed that I need time to reflect on, which I may or may not choose to share in this forum. Few people take the interest she has in me, and that really means alot, considering it's such a rare luxury in my life. I just wish that things were more favorable between us the time we were together.

Maybe time is what makes it that much more valuable.

Cards on the Table Part 1

So, Melanie wants to meet with me tonight and get to know the "real" me.

She is willing to listen for once without prejudice or going off on some religious bullshit angle.

We're going off-base to a coffee shop where we will discuss all the dark secrets I've kept to myself for the past 9+ months I've known her.

This should be interesting.

I figure since she leaves in about 3 weeks that if she really wants the answers to things, well she's entitled to some. She may not like them but perhaps she will learn the slogan "Be Careful What You Ask For, Because You Just Might Get It".

I'm going to put my cards on the table and play things by ear. She's gone the mile with me and pretty much anything we say or do now is of little consequence. The way I see it we've weathered some pretty rough storms here.

So more when I get back.

...And you are known by the company you keep

I spent a better part of the afternoon talking to Brookie via IM. Brookie is definitely one kick-ass chick and I can hardly wait for her to get to Korea so we can party. Seriously. We talked about alot of stuff that will be held in the utmost confidence, rest assured. I will say that it's a shame we won't be able to spend more time when she gets here since I will have one foot out the door. Still, I will make the most of good times with good friends.

Talking with her today reminded me of my time at Misawa and someone I used to hang out with. Used to is to be paid attention to. His name was Matt and I knew the dude for about 5 or 6 months.

Matt aka "Wolfe" was a cool guy to party with but he was a pathological liar and always looking to scam out of things. At first I didn't pay much attention to the bullshit he would talk about since it's common for dudes to exaggerate about all sorts of shit. Hell, I do it here on this blog solely for Entertainment Purposes, but for him it was a way of life.

At first I wouldn't pay him any mind to the stories he would make up, but then slowly but surely I would hear the same lines repeated to different people, with each time becoming more and more embellished. I can understand raising the bullshit quotient slightly on something but hearing how he went from working as an Intel weenie to outright lying by saying he helped do covert missions with the Joint Narcotics Division was just too much. Even if he had done stuff with them, there were too many holes in his story that just wouldn't add up if you started to probe deeper. On top of that, if you do work with an official agency like the FBI, CIA or ATF, I imagine there is a non-disclosure statement you sign that is legally binding for many years after your contract has been terminated. You just don't blab national security interests around, just because you're no longer employed.

I would ask the guy questions about certain things he would say, like the time he got a shrapnel wounds from an AK-47. Look at the dude and he doesn't have any scars on his body. And an AK-47 fires bullets, not mortar bursts or fragmentation bursts like a grenade does. Complete bullshit. Still, I would entertain the question to see what kind of answer I would recieve. "Oh well the medical team I dealt with had advanced equipment that wouldn't leave scars" he would say. Right. I was a paramedic for 12 years and managed a clinic and I know that any cut or tear on the body will leave a mark. Tell me something I don't know.

But it was shit like that he would dream up from out of the blue and then expect people to believe it. I figured as long as the dumb-ass wasn't hurting anyone with his stories, what harm could it do? Just let the fool be.

Although I have a "live and let live" motto, there are just some things I can't associate with if I see my friends doing them, and Matt fell into that category. Him and his wife Cibbie were at odds with one another and he wouldn't do shit to take care of her. That kind of bothered me since I never saw them in public together, they never had company over except for his friends and he never helped out around the house with any of the chores even though she held a job and he didn't. Still, I'm not one to get involved with domestic disputes and kept my distance for the most part. Every so often I would hint to Matt that maybe he should pay more attention to his wife and not have so many friends over all the time, but it would go in one ear and right out the other.

Well, Cibbie was about 8 months pregnant when she delivered early. This was completely unexpected for everyone, including her since the doctor told her she had at least another month or so to go. At that same time I was getting surgery in Okinawa for sleep apnea and needed someone to go along to take care of me once I was released from the hospital. I asked all my friends and even my family if they could make the trip with me and everybody said "no". Matt was my last string of friends to ask to go and didn't want to involve him since his responsibilities lay with his future family and not with me. Reluctantly I asked if he could be my attendant and without so much a second thought, agreed to tag along.

"What about Cibbie and the baby?" I asked him.

"Oh don't worry - I'll find someone to help out with them." he insisted.

"Dude I don't like the sound of that. Really, you should be there for your wife."

"I'll talk with her about it and I'll let you know."

"Okay but if I find someone else to go instead I'm going to take them along." I finished.

Even to this day I get the impression he never told his wife until the last second and even then it was more like "Well I'm going to Okinawa with Machine for 3 weeks and there's nothing you can do about it. See you when I get back."

I had time to think about what had happened while we were in Okinawa, before and after the surgery too. For anyone who hasn't had major surgery, it really knocks the wind out of your sails. It took me about 3 weeks to recover from the operation, with the first 2 weeks being essentially bed-ridden. I lost 25 pounds in that time frame since I could barely eat or drink anything and spent the majority of the time sleeping, regaining my strength. I could barely keep my balance when I got up to go to the bathroom, which is why it was imperative Matt get me water or food when I needed it.

He would just sit there and play video games instead. All day, all night. Granted I didn't expect the dude to carry conversations with me or anything but I didn't expect to be ignored for 5 minutes straight when I needed something either. To say that pissed me off is an understatement. And the more I thought about him ditching Cibbie and his newborn son to come down with me for the surgery pissed me off too. Perhaps I have an over-developed sense of responsibility to family but he should've been back home instead of fucking off playing video games. Or he should've made arrangements for his wife and newborn to come with me as well so he could meet both obligations.

After we returned to Misawa, he continued neglecting his wife and child by going out and drinking or fucking off with his friends. I told him now that he was a family man he couldn't (or shouldn't) do those things, but he outright ignored me anyways. I told him to knock the shit off and even still the guy wouldn't listen. He was perfectly content sponging off his wife's paycheck but didn't want to contribute any by getting a job or getting enrolled in a college program. I even encouraged the guy to take the same classes I was taking, as a means of getting him on the right track, but he didn't make the effort to do that either. On top of that he was having on-line romances with girls he knew, completely behind his wife's back. I told the dude flat out that his actions were disgraceful and totally unbecoming, and that if he continued to do this, that I would break off contact with him. After all, you are known by the company you keep. Again, he acted like he didn't have a care in the world.

Finally the dude broke the bond of trust we had. He decided to crash my house one night without calling me first. He brought over some friends around 10pm and I had to work the next morning. My day starts at 5am whether I like it or not and to have some kinda shit like this happen is totally uncalled for. He wanted to party and drink but I was like "No fucking way dude. Go back home to your wife and to your son NOW!" I was so pissed at that too. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I called the dude the next day and essentially told him to go fuck himself and bringing people over like that was completely out of character. I enjoy my privacy for a reason and don't want uninvited guests over, especially if I don't know them. After all if word got out as to my whereabouts, some religious asshole could come torch my house for whatever fundie reason his imagination comes up with. They kill abortion clinic doctors, and I'm quite sure that Satanists are somewhere towards the top of their hit-lists too. As tiny as Misawa was, it would be a matter of no-time before a lynch mob would show up at my doorstep. Either way, my safety is a primary concern of mine and I don't want any dick swinging asshole showing up just out of the blue. Matt knew better than to do something like that and as a result dissolved our friendship pretty much on the spot.

"Get your act together, Matt. When you do, come see me and we can still hang out" I told him. "Your actions have been a complete disgrace, especially with Cibbie and your son Gavin, and I feel responsible for that somehow. It was my fault to ask you to come to Okinawa with me and I should've never put you in that position." I told him. "I should've asked for the hospital to provide me with a medical attendant instead. But it's too late for that now and I've even gone so far to apologize to your wife for putting her through that. That was wrong of me to do."

Needless to say, Matt stayed true to himself and never got his act together before I left Japan last year. I would see him around base and he would shoot me dirty looks. I would just smile at the guy and go about my business. He started talking shit about me too but in the end none of it stuck. While my friends applauded me for doing the right thing by admitting fault to my part in it all, people started seeing him for what he truly was and as a result started avoiding him more and more. From what I gather he continues to pawn his responsibilities off on other people still and has no desire to be a dad. While I saw him a few times with his kid in public, knowing him, he still puts that obligation on his wife. Although it's been over a year, I wouldn't be surprised if the dude ended up taking off and going back to the States instead of hanging around - if he can weasel his way out of something he would.

I'll find out next month when I go on leave back to Misawa to see other friends of mine.

Not on my watch!

Well well well.

Looks like someone out there knows the people I talk about and she came forward with it!

Heh. I know that Juicee means no harm by telling me this, however it is pretty unnerving that she knows Melanie by first and last name. And I made sure by confirming it with Melanie too. Consider me paranoid but no way in HELL am I going to keep those blogs up and have stricken them from the record. I even told Juicee chances are she knows Donna too, and has to think about that one for a second. If she gets it I won't be surprised.

Sorry but not on my watch!

No offense but I've seen what the Air Force has done to people that were too outspoken, like Joe Tyner and his website www.chair-force.com. The same with Pemby and his former site of www.coednakedaef.com too, although Pemby didn't get kicked out like Joe did. While I think it's total bullshit that the military tries to control that portion of our lives, I have to congratulate Pemby on having the smarts to just shut-up and color and do what was asked of him. No sense in throwing away a career over a website.

And no sense in throwing my career away if the wrong set of eyes happens across this web blog! While I don't think Juicee will go so far as to throw me to the wolves on this one, you never know what might happen when a friend tells a friend that tells a friend. In this game anything goes and while I'm one to pretty much mind my own business, the same can't be said for others.

There are those who will gladly sell their comrades out, especially if they think it will help get them promoted.

Chalk it up to a lesson in relativity. It's a small, small Air Force and it's getting smaller too. I wouldn't be surprised if word gets to her one way or another about this on-line journal I've been keeping. Chances are I'll tell Melanie about it before she leaves when we both have our Q & A Night in just a couple of weeks. There are alot of things about me she has been wanting to know from when we first met and I've been reluctant to tell her since we had a year to go in front of us. With her leaving and my going soon thereafter, I suppose it would serve to open up a little bit more, although not too much.

The last thing I need is OSI on my ass.

Hey Asshole!

Well I was supposed to take Natasha to Inchon Airport this morning, only she decided to change plans. I talked to her yesterday and she decided to have her friend take her to the airport directly, instead of staying the night on base. Her reasoning is that it's easier just to go straight-shot up to Seoul, which she was correct.

So then why do I need to go along?

"Sasha", her friend driving, would have to swing all the way over here and go out of his way to come get me. I like Natasha alot but it makes no sense whatsoever for me to tag along if they're going to drive 30 minutes out of their way. So I told her not to worry about coming to get me, and to have a safe flight. Talking with Sasha, he has been to Inchon a zillion times and will make sure she gets to her flight safely. She's knows this guy better than she knows me, so I have no worries either way. I did detect a hint of desperation in her voice just as I was about to hang up on her - she said she still wanted to keep in touch with me once she got to Iceland.

Why?

I'm starting to think my gut feeling about her and Travis is starting to pay off, and she sees me as some kind of alternative solution in the event things end between them. Believe me I'm flattered although I think once I get to Germany things will pan out differently. Still, I would like to think the guy still wants her around since he dropped 2 grand on her plane tickets. Why pay that much cash only to tell someone they're no longer wanted? I wish them the best, either way.

Que sera sera.

I woke up today and fucked around on the net a little bit, to include reading some more blog stuff. I'm addicted to CrazyGirl's blog and Brookie's blog for some reason. Who knows. Maybe I'm just bored or really pathetic but I like to hear what they have to say. If only Juicee would start one too (I know you're reading this, Djus!).

I went to shower, only we have no hot water to shower with. FUCK! I took a sponge bath instead, hitting the important areas. Call me a Metro in denial, I still believe in maintaining good hygiene. I then got dressed, put on my fave Opeth shirt, and decided to walk over to the BX to see what's going on.

On the way over there, some asshole was looking at my shirt and decided to comment on how faggy it looked. This guy was some hillbilly NASCAR-type with the stereotypical "3" hat on, wanna-be NASCAR driving jacket, torn jeans and cowboy boots. This dude looked like some fat Baby Huey with a moustache.

"What the fuck is an Opeth?" he looked at me and sneered.

"What the fuck is a '3' doin on your hat?" I fired back.

"It's NASCAR you asshole. It's the number for Dale Earnhardt, Jr."

"Well Opeth is Scandinavian Death Metal. They kick ass too."

"Fuck that - I don't listen to no goddamn Devil-Worshipping music."

"Fine have it your way, Howdy-Doody."

And I walked off.

One thing I've noticed about the Air Force is that you can be a redneck and that's accepted. You can be a wanna-be thug or wigger and that's accepted too, but the moment you wear a Motley Crue t-shirt out in public, you get all sorts of snide remarks and shitty looks from people. Sorry, but I'm not into wearing Wrangler jeans or FUBU with Fat Albert's face on my ass. I hate hip-hop and never did like Gene Autry despite my parents' small-town Texan background. It's just not me.

Even classic rock shirts still get shitty looks, although it's becoming more accepted. While I can admire bands like Led Zepplin and Iron Maiden, they just fall short of what I consider to be cutting-edge rock. Even bands like Black Sabbath and AC/DC kick ass but the military needs to get with the program. I'm talking bands like Deicide. Monster Magnet. KMFDM. Black Label Society. Type O Negative. Iced Earth. OPETH. That kind of music.

All of this stems from the Military Honor and Decency Act of 1996. While it's been out for almost 10 years, few people know of its existance. In a nutshell, it controls what can and can't be sold in a military exchange. Its basis started from an angry dependant wife (read: the bane of all military existance) complaining to her Congressman about all the hardcore porn that was being sold on bases worldwide. Mind you, it wasn't being sold to minors or anything, but she felt it was threatening nonetheless and started her little crusade against anything remotely fun, and the DoD bought it hook, line, and sinker. Magazines like Penthouse and Hustler were struck down from the shelves, and the raciest publication that can be sold is Playboy. This also extends into music and other literature as well.

While the majority of people in the Air Force have always been Conservative Christian Republicans, the few Non-Christian, Non-Republican members have had to suffer the standard continually being enforced upon them. Myself for example, I would love to see more books on the occult being sold, and in recent years there has been a growing trend supporting that. Just last year at Okinawa, I saw The Satanic Bible on sale, sitting next to The Bible in their book section. I was like "Holy shit! This rocks!", but have yet to see anywhere else take the same courageous effort to become so not one-sided. Unfortunately the majority of people that do take interest in the occult give it a bad name - primarily Star Trek nerds - which is why it's still looked down upon by most commanders and senior enlisted.

The same applies to Michael Moore's writings and movies. Bowling For Columbine never made its way to the BX shelves, and AAFES reluctantly carried Fahrenheit 9-11 only because of its box-office popularity. Still, there has been a backlash amongst military members in buying his merchandise, as well as those who support what he says. Myself, I applaud the guy for slapping the Republicans in the face with a dead fish, since they're nothing more than criminals in a three-piece-suit, as are the Democrats. I am a registered Libertarian and voted so, this past November, because I am so fed up with both parties and their lies. While Michael Moore has become whiny and disinteresting lately, he still has the ability to piss people off the same way Howard Stern and Larry Flynt both do, by having the balls to stand firm on what he speaks, and for that I admire him.

I always support the underdog.

So, the BX will never carry anything remotely cool. They're too busy catering to the mainstream in order to make a buck, and it's reinforced in the thoughts and actions of Mr Hillbilly-NASCAR and others like him.

Thank goodness for the internet where I can order still order what I want. Hell forbid that gets shut down too!

Social Disorders

For some reason I get mild panic attacks from time to time.

Social phobia.

I'm not the kind of person that breaks down having some kind of conniption fit or the kind that is crunched over in the corner, breathing into a paper bag, but I do suffer from mild anxiety disorders from time to time.

I will be out in public having a great time, and next thing I know - BAM - I just want to get the fuck outta there immediately. Or I am just minding my own business and suddenly I don't feel right around the people I see. They're not threatening me or insulting me or anything, yet I feel that for the life of me these fuckers want to see me dead. I'm not wearing anything to warrant a dirty look but they've got their eyes locked on me.

Open areas kind of do it for me too. I'm the kind of person that actually enjoys enclosed spaces, but not confined spaces. I've never suffered from the fear that the walls are closing in around me, but just the opposite. Some how I freak out over large groups of people and open areas like parking lots, football stadiums, and airport terminals. Public speaking doesn't bother me although trying to find somewhere to sit in an already crowded theater or bus makes me feel just as uneasy. It's weird.

Perhaps I am just over-reacting. Perhaps it's been because I've been stuck on the ass-end of the world that is known as Kunsan, Korea where everyone has a shitty attitude because this place is run like such a goddamned prison camp, and nobody can properly vent their frustrations the way they want to. This mentality, multiplied by the 4 times I've been to this shit hole of a country is probably what has fueled it's growth into what it is today.

CrazyGirl made the comment on another blog how she felt her time in Korea put her behind the power curve on so many cool things happening in the States, and how estranged she felt to other people at first. I can relate completely. Every time I return to the U.S., either for a visit or on a semi-permanent basis, I feel like I cannot connect with whatever people are around me. I feel like I am more of a guest in my own city than an actual local. It wasn't so bad when I went to Hawaii last year since Honolulu and Waikiki are nothing more than tourist traps for rich, snotty Japanese looking to spend a shitload of cash. To the Japanese, if you spend a shitload of cash in Hawaii, you're one of the "beautiful people". Because I had a blend of both US and Asian culture at my fingertips, it served as good cross-roads for me to transition back into the US mainstream again, had I actually returned mainland. I never did. Instead, I went back to Japan where I was living and then back to this prison cell instead.

Considering I've spent a combined 8 years in Asia, I have absolutely no fucking idea what people are into, aside from what I see in the movies and whatever little fucktards running around happen to be wearing. Alot of it is still ghetto crap from what I see, which is directly reflected in the music that's being played too. I could care less for either. Perhaps in some way I'm better off staying away from America for the time being, considering there's nothing worth listening to, the US Constitution is being disembowled by the Religious Reich, and Ashton Kutcher is considered to be the coolest dude in Hollywood for the moment.

Que putas.

More Melanie

Well it seems Melanie has finally caught on to some of the stuff I've been trying to teach her the time we've been together. It shocked the shit out of me that she came to this conclusion which is why I believe there's so much more work that needs to be done, only I can't take her with me to Germany. "I feel like I'm abandoning a work in progress" I tell her, although in reality she has probably learned everything she can from me and the rest is up to her to apply.

Melanie told me the reason why she is at odds with so many of the guys she's dated. She told me that she believes all men start out good until one woman does them wrong, and then payback's a bitch. That woman can be the dude's mother, sister, girlfriend or spouse - it doesn't matter who, but once the damage is done, the dude will remain an asshole for life to all women, and forever more.

She finally hit the nail on the head.

Dudes are assholes to women because of the pain they've been dealt by them. The guy can be involved with the sweetest thing in the world, but because the woman before her fucked things up, she has to deal with the fall-out surrounding that. I'm not saying that justifies the behavior of some dude acting like a total twat and a complete coward, but it gives an explanation to the countless femin-nazis out there that think by rebelling against a male-dominated society they will some how emerge victorious.

Remember, it all starts with the hand that rocks the cradle.

I've told her my story about Donna, the first woman I ever truly loved. We were together for almost a year when she pulled the carpet out from beneath my feet, telling me how her future plans included becoming an Optometry Instructor for the Air Force, and how those plans didn't include me. After feeling like a total ass professing my feelings to her, she replied "Oh, I love you like I love THE DOG".

What the fuck?

The fucking DOG?

Did I get that right?

Yes, the goddamned DOG.

Why not just rip my balls off and feed them to THE DOG since obviously I'm not MAN enough to fulfill your needs? And obviously the affection I showed your daughter didn't count for much either. I was more of a father to her than her real dad was, but whatever. The whole time we were together must've been nothing more than just one giant jerk-fest since she got what she wanted out of the relationship, and not think twice about leaving me with my dick in my hand. She bought my love but I paid for it.

Well, I took the break-up really bad. Horribly. Everything from banging trailer park trash bitches and titty dancers to starting shit with dudes twice my size just to get my ass kicked on purpose, I just didn't care what happened or what I did with my life. I'd go out and get trashed during the week night and come in to work the next morning reeking of alcohol. Unshaved and uniform wrinkled, I would tell co-workers to piss off if they so much looked at me wrong. My grades in school started to suffer and I ended up having to pay back my tuition for the semester since I was out drinking and fucking all the time instead of attending class and studying. After all, the only person that brought light to my dark side had left, and didn't even give me the courtesy of telling me why. Even to this day I still have never been told "why" or "how" things just didn't work out, and chances are I never will either.

The whole experience fucked me up for a few more years before I was finally able to put the whole thing behind me. Dudes react differently than women do when a relationship fails. Most women cry and get it out of their system, and then they're able to move on, whereas alot of dudes hold the shit in where it festers, some times for weeks, months or even years. I'm the kind of dude that won't just "drop shit" like it's nothing. If I am with a woman for any extended amount of time, chances are I've shared the darker corners of my soul with her and she's been accepting of me regardless. Not an easy task to do and definitely not easy to find a replacement for her either. I still held on to what we had long after she had left, in hopes that maybe she would take a step back and realize what we had going wasn't worth throwing away. Even after I came to the conclusion that wasn't going to happen, the majority of the women I knew just didn't interest me the same way she had. They may have been pretty but they were lacking Donna's personality, her wit, and most of all the affection I sought. To put it best, it's like having to resort to living on bread and water after you've been eating steak and potatoes for the longest time. Barely living.

I still know how to get in touch with Donna if I wish to. It's not that I have a burning desire to start shit up with her, although the way I see it, if she can help me professionally I'll hold her obligated until such a time I feel she no longer serves a purpose. Like the time when Marla Singer from the movie Fight Club took that wad of cash from Cornelius (Edward Norton's character) as he's shoving her on the bus to flee town, she refers to the money as "Asshole Tax" for having to suffer his shit, only it's "Cunt Tax" in this case.

So having explained all of this to Melanie, she saw her conclusion was pretty much dead on. Aside from my grandmother on my father's side, no woman I have ever known has ever made me into a better person. Not even my own mother, and that says alot right there.

I'm quite sure you can figure the rest out from there.

Video Games

Well, I went to the BX tonight and picked up 3 new video game magazines.

Yes, the excitement in my life has dwindled down to the point where I look forward to the new X-Box, PlayStation and Multi-platform gaming magazines every month, as well as the nifty DVD that comes with them. Usually they have free samples of games and short movie clips to watch, as a means of enticing you the reader to purchase whatever they have selected to advertise. Not a shabby deal either.

Considering the last 3 posts all centered around Doom 3, it shouldn't be any shock to the 2 people who actually read this blog. Maybe a third person if that Bunny chick takes the occasional interest in my ramblings, but I don't think that's the case. Whatever. This post is about my love for computer gaming and not another blogger!

I love video games as much as I hate them. I love them for their artistic content, the dialogue of the voice actors and the innovation that goes into creating a game. Alot of thankless hours goes into developing a game for the market, with missed birthdays and 20 hour days easily being the norm. Hygiene becomes laxed and the programmers all suffer from photophobia since they spend long hours locked in a dark room, staring at a computer screen. They thrive on stress and Mountain Dew, with pizza and Cup O' Noodles becoming their staple diet. It's not uncommon for them to bring a sleeping bag to work and camp out beneath their desk for the night, or for a giant pile of garbage to collect in the corner of the room they're in. Aside from having to live in a bunker during combat operations or training simulations for a week straight, few people can relate to that kind of pressure or lifestyle. It's truly a labor of love on their part.

I hate video games because I tend to stay locked in my room for an entire weekend if I get hooked on a game I like. Like the video game programmer, I become somewhat of a shut-in and only eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom long enough to get the job done. When I was living in DC, I spent a week straight during the Christmas season locked in my apartment. There was a grocery store down the street from where I lived, and I had stocked up on all the munchie essentials: Bean burritos, milk, the El Cheapo 2 liter Diet Cola that costs only 99 cents (Giant Brand), a couple big bags of chips, and a couple boxes of Dots candy. No way in Hell was I leaving, come Hell or High water. I was on a retro-kick and had purchased a Super Nintendo game that I had never played before (Chrono Trigger) and was hooked on it like the biggest nerd ever. All I did was eat and sleep that week. Shaving, showering, and any direct contact with the outside world in general did not happen. At all. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time and I didn't know enough cool people to hang out with so I just let myself go. I stayed confined to my apartment and never did solve the stupid game.

I also hate video games not only because I become the very thing I hate, but because it cuts into the chances of me getting laid. Would I rather spend $50 on a girl I am dating for dinner and a movie, or would I rather buy the new Leisure Suit Larry game where I can stare at all the titties I want to? Chances are the girl I'm dating will get pissed at some retarded comment I make and walk out on me during dinner, so no blow job for me. At least by spending the cash on a game with computer ta-ta's in them, I'm guaranteed to see what I want without having to dodge an emotional minefield for the evening. What's worse is the women in the games are so much more attractive personality-wise than the majority of women I know in real life. Of course it's just acting but I would much rather date a girl with the personality of Cortana from the Halo game instead of listen to some girl like Melanie bitch and fuss all day about how much she hates me. The sad truth is that there are more girls like Melanie out there that hate the men they're dating than there are chicks with kick-ass personalities.

So that has me thinking. Why not invent a game where you take some down-and-out loser (me) that nobody likes and guide him through some experiences with women as a dating sim. The dating sim franchise has been a big hit in Japan for a long time now, and they're just starting to capture the attention of the American audience. The original Leisure Suit Larry game kinda did that, only Larry was lovable in his own geeky sort of way and he would score some really hot chicks. I am the exact opposite. People hate me, and I kind of take a strange comfort in that knowing that. If it's one thing I've succeded in doing thus far in Life, it's having a talent for getting on people's nerves. Everything else - my exploits as a paramedic, my ambitions to become a film producer in the porno industry, my dabblings in the occult - all pale in comparison to my being a royal pain in the ass. What a concept.

Have the game center around me being a pain in the ass to everyone, telling people to go fuck themselves, trying to score with some big-titted bimbo only to get shot down for some black guy instead, rocking out to some new Death Metal CD, and play video games. Have me avoid doing work at all costs, watching some snuff-hentai (Legend of the Over Fiend, anyone?), and see how long I can sleep. In short, the game would be about my everyday life.

I would be the total Anti-Hero Sim.

Natasha

Let me tell you about my friend Natasha. She is a Russian girl that I know here in Korea, whom originates from Stavrapol, near the Caspian Sea. Red hair and blue eyes, in the time I've gotten to know her, she's been really sweet and outgoing. I would gladly date her, only she's married and I'm not one to play in other people's backyards usually. Her husband is currently in Iceland on a remote tour and has been dragging his heels to get the two of them reunited.

Now something just doesn't add up. While I'm one to stay out of domestic disputes, it makes me wonder what the fuck is going on. Dude left Korea back in November and did little if anything to get Natasha on his orders. Either he was completely oblivious to how the system works, or he just didn't give a shit, but either way he took off and left her more or less stranded here. I'm thinking the latter. Most newlyweds are so retarded for one another you need to spray them with fuck-repellent just to get some breathing space, and going from one remote assignment to another, you'd think he'd want to take a guaranteed piece of ass he could right along with him, but again I suppose that's not the case.

What I am completely blind to is how the dynamics of their relationship works out. Again, it's none of my business to get involved with domestic disputes, but I have my speculations. While I can only guess what's really going on, I've gathered the following conclusions:

-Travis bit off more than he could chew marrying Natasha and won't admit it

- Natasha is very sweet but also very co-dependent upon men to take care of her, and will suffer his shit for the time being

- Travis doesn't know what the hell he's doing, period

- I've done the majority of the leg-work on this end for them both, getting Natasha to where she needs to go

As tempting as it may sound to fuck another dude's woman, I don't play that. A real man won't take advantage of the needy or vulnerable, especially when they have put their complete trust in him. It's just not cool. I may be a Demon but I'm no monster. Yes, there is a difference.

I remember the times I've been stuck in whatever place I was lost in, and made it out through the kindness of strangers. I would like to think in some cosmic sense, I am not only returning the favor for times past, but also paying it forward so she can somehow do good for the next person that needs it. I ask of no reward or concession, other than the fact I am doing something to make another person happy, and it shows. I saw Natasha today and she was in high spirits than when I had seen her previously. Travis means that much to her apparently. For me to rob her of that happiness would be lower than dog shit.

I think back to the time I dated Olga, a Russian girl I knew here in 1997. She had red hair and brown eyes and was a spitting likeness for Julia Roberts. I kid you not. Olga had lost her husband to the ethnic fighting in Chechnya and came to Korea looking for work. We hit it off and next thing I know she's pregnant on account of me. I wanted to marry her and take responsibility for the unborn child, only she would have nothing of it and ended up getting an abortion. It pissed me off that she would do that to me and to us, but she got a job offer up in Seoul that she didn't want to pass up. That's the last I ever saw of her and never heard from her since. It's pretty fucking shitty to have something like that happen, especially when you have no control of the outcome. For any women out there that hate men and think we're deadbeat fathers, I am the exception. Despite this one issue, Olga treated me better than any American woman I have ever dated, which makes me wonder whether or not I should move to Russia permanently and set up shop there in hopes for a family.

Perhaps in some way I am hoping these two have a chance where Olga and I failed. Deep down subconsciously I am probably acting out some kind of angst-ridden guilt that has plagued me on so many levels that I will probably never fully comprehend or even begin to understand, nor will I truly understand the profound impact I am having in this woman's life. Nobody else has bothered to help her from what I've seen which is pretty shitty. The military prides itself on being family-oriented yet we're the most fucked-up-dysfunctional-broken home the world has ever seen. Don't believe the recruiting commercials you see on TV.

In the end I think Travis and Natasha will separate. Call it a gut feeling, call it a Spidey-Sense on my part but the dude just isn't putting forth the effort from what I see. While I am not going to cast stones or resort to any kind of name-calling, I will say that Natasha is a very co-dependent person, and he's not delivering the goods. This doesn't make her any less of a woman or undignified in any way, but if you're not going to put forth the effort to live up to your responsibilities, then perhaps you should call it quits while nobody has lost an eye yet or something.

Through all the help I've given her, Melanie has observed from afar, and with bitter indignation, has made snide remarks about the whole thing.

"You're just doing this because she's pretty".

"You're just doing this because you want to fuck her".

"So if this was someone else, would you help them out too?".

"Are you going to take the Russian Juicee to the Airport?".

Stupid, immature shit. She's jealous that no man will show her the same kind of courtesy or respect that I have shown Natasha, despite showing her the same care and affection that I have for all my female friends. I have done more good for Melanie the entire time we've known eachother, but how quickly it fades when compared to the deeds for another woman. But this isn't a rant about Melanie, so I won't go any further with that.

But to answer her question, yes I will take Natasha to Inchon International since she has no idea how to navigate around the terminal and would have a panic attack amongst a gaggle of Koreans bound to Guam on vacation. I don't even want to imagine the fall-out surrounding that.

This Saturday Natasha will fly out of Korea once and for all. We leave early so I will have her stay the night on base in Billeting. I'd like to take her out drinking although I'm not about to spend a 4 hour car-ride to Seoul hung-over and looking like shit the very next day. I need to be cognitive if I am to properly see this girl off and wouldn't want someone to disrespect me the same way. While I don't expect any form of compensation for my actions, I would like to think that perhaps in some grand sense this will shave years off my time in Hell or at least get me laid when I least expect it.

Fortune presents gifts not according to The Book.